Today i couldnt care about anything. not the lady who talks about me to the fat lady, not the girls who huddle up and ignore me or the guy who is perpetualy in my face or the fact that my story idea was taken away from me or that my sister is perenially unhappy and sending me crasy messages blaming me for everything.
cos
i
am
going home
yes. home is where the mommy is, who will go on a feeding spree all the while telling me how fat am becoming, take me shopping and buy me pretty salwars and watch all mallu serials and update me on whats happening there, insist that i dont spend any cash while am home, but yes i can take her to Grand and buy her oonu with fishy curry- though thats my favorite.
ask me how much beer has been guzzled down, and to my vague answers ask for a strict ballpark, what is that anyway?
i hope its raining in cochin. now thats asking way too much, rain in oct? but if rain gods r listening, please? just twice, once when am about to sleep and once in the evening, that chaya time?
il have the whole family together for once. cribbing violent sister included. there will be tremendous amount of shopping,dinner, movies.
i think am overdoing it, considering am home for just a week.
but its one week? dyu hear me? a whooole week.
and last, but the best, il have tashu and Em home, staying with me. il hear romantic silliness and despair,together.
i have gifts for them, my babies :)
what a mushy post. full of smileys and optimism.
hmph
what d hell! am ssoooo happy!
Wednesday, October 21, 2009
Wednesday, October 14, 2009
Like Russel said
Somebody is gonna get hurt real bad.
i just am not yet sure if that someone is going to be me. if they pass the buck then yes, me.
if they dont, i still think its me.
and this is not even my fault. when i give you folder that says "story final" and also has other docs, if you had just put to use even a 1/4th of your pea sized brain this wouldnt happen.
and now you have gone and printed the wrong doc. which the lady specifically requested not to.
couldnt you ask. what you have not heard of asking?
or what,is it too traumatic for you.
i hope you get the warning letter. i really do.
you dont like me thats one thing, but the least u cn do is ask me, if in doubt.
stupid stupid
dear god, i know i havent really been prompt in reporting to you.but please please please save me frm this. by the time the lady comes back,il be in india and by the time i get back from india, somehow sort this out fr me. make it disappear.anything.anything that results in very less yelling, i dont deal well with being cautioned fr things dt arent my problem.also, dont get me fired.
ps: if you wnt to get rid of that chic thats fine with me. i would never say this in normal circumstances but that bitch, ignore the bad language.
i just dont need this right now.
i just am not yet sure if that someone is going to be me. if they pass the buck then yes, me.
if they dont, i still think its me.
and this is not even my fault. when i give you folder that says "story final" and also has other docs, if you had just put to use even a 1/4th of your pea sized brain this wouldnt happen.
and now you have gone and printed the wrong doc. which the lady specifically requested not to.
couldnt you ask. what you have not heard of asking?
or what,is it too traumatic for you.
i hope you get the warning letter. i really do.
you dont like me thats one thing, but the least u cn do is ask me, if in doubt.
stupid stupid
dear god, i know i havent really been prompt in reporting to you.but please please please save me frm this. by the time the lady comes back,il be in india and by the time i get back from india, somehow sort this out fr me. make it disappear.anything.anything that results in very less yelling, i dont deal well with being cautioned fr things dt arent my problem.also, dont get me fired.
ps: if you wnt to get rid of that chic thats fine with me. i would never say this in normal circumstances but that bitch, ignore the bad language.
i just dont need this right now.
A First
So i have always imagined being a journalist, the genre would change though every now then, from harbouring hopes of being a brave war correspondent to being a konkona sen 's page three to being an editor,its come a long except for the basic dream staying put.
being a sub ed doesnt really do much to show your name in print and well by lines are important!
what!
who doesnt like their name up.
anyway.
my first article just came in print and to remember this day i will have it up here so that even umpteen by lines are done, il still remember the glee i felt today.
IN A PLACE CALLED HOPE
In honor of breast cancer awareness week, 18th to 24th October
World over support groups and foundations make it an occasion of togetherness
Generalizations are hard to come by and mostly untrue but it can be safely said that the world can be divided into two groups of people, ones who in the face of suffering and unexpected hardships are seen floundering sometimes never to re surface and then those who do not give up but fight back and emerge perhaps unsteady, but victorious nevertheless.
The national association for cancer awareness headed by Yuthur Mohammed Al Rawahy has been functioning since April 2004, despite being a few years old and facing several road blocks it has been successful in creating awareness among the locals and achieved a number of objectives for which it had been created.
Speaking of the different obstacles in her path she notes that acceptance is one of the primary issues faced by the patients. In X especially there is a lot of stigma associated with the disease, along with hesitation to come out and open up.
It is still considered taboo and frowned upon.
Yuthur herself, a three time cancer survivor has this incredible zest for life and her vivacious attitude and never say never motto is what has helped her through the rigorous treatment, the several chemotherapies, draining one of even the desire to live.
A grandmother, who avid reader, travel enthusiast she believes that she should be the change that she wants to see in the world and promised herself that once she has survived her third incident she would make available a platform that unites each one of them based on common ground of what they had been through.
She talks about some of the roadblocks that she has faced over the years.
One of the major grouse’s yuthur has and one that is a sore point with her is the lack of palliative care facilities in X. The aim of which is to prevent and relieve suffering and to improve quality of life for people facing serious, complex illness like cancer.
The key to effective palliative care is to provide a safe way to address both physical and psychological distress. The concerns of such patients widely differ, while some spend time worrying about pain, the future, some are bothered about the loss of independence, what will become of their family and negative feelings of being a burden.
During discussions, while some patients will want to discuss psychological or spiritual concerns, some are reluctant to do so. Thus it is fundamentally important to make a complete assessment of each patient; their partner and family to understand what kind of support they need.
Which is why yuthur feels disgruntled about the lack of such care facilities in X, the denying of a person and his support system a chance to understand psychological and spiritual concerns is as harmful as letting them face issues; real or imagined.
Resistance to talking: “For a disease like this support systems form the backbone” she says. “It is simply not enough to take your medication on time and meet the doctor, you need people to fall back upon, to be assured that you are not alone in this” she adds.
Which, she says is precisely why group meetings and speaking out about each individual tryst with the disease comes to gain importance. Why each survivor needs to tell their tale and send out the message that if I could beat it so can you.
“It is all about hope” she says
“My faith tells me to believe that this endeavor too that god has given me, it has to be taken upon because it’s my shoulders that he thought strong enough to survive this, and I am not the one to disappoint him” she adds.
.
Cancer is one such disease where stages of grief have been identified.
If we go by the five stages there is the denial aspect to begin with where you think “this isn’t happening to me”
There is then anger to deal with where your mind thinks ‘why is this happening to me”
You then go on to bargaining. Where, “you promise to be a better person if this can be taken back”
The depression that is just ahead is the hardest because this is where most people give up and where you don’t care what happens anymore, and finally there is the acceptance, the resignation to accept whatever happens.
Times talks to two women who have battled it out and survived these stages to share their story with us.
Sally Perry is almost a local; she has lived the better part of her life here, a good 25 years and loves this country.
Working as a teacher with the Ministry of Health she had led an active lifestyle, one that involved exercising and occasional indulgences that most of us give in to.
Where she does think she went wrong is in not being prompt about check ups. Getting caught in the day to day hassles of routine and living she failed to notice the slight hardening in her left breast.
When on holiday uncomfortable from pain she consulted a physician who diagnosed her with breast cancer. Her holiday in the UK was turned into a trip to the hospital where she underwent surgery and a mastectomy.
The return journey:
Unsure of what treatment was available in X or what do for the best in the unexpected situation she had to debate about returning to X or staying in UK for treatment.
In the end she chose to be with her family here in X.
“My hospital in the UK had a lot of facilities. They had what was a “one stop clinic”. When we went there, I got my mammogram, ultrasound and biopsy done the same day with the results. The support groups provided me with a lot of much needed information, and I had my surgery in two weeks. After spending about a week in the hospital, I returned home as there was the provision to have a district nurse come in and examine me.
On my return to X, I resumed treatment at the Royal Hospital which has an excellent oncology department.
What I think we do lack here is support groups and counselling. A chance to talk to other people, listen, hear.
The cancer awareness association run by Yuthar was a huge help. But even so when I think of all the other women, in more rural areas, like XYZ, I wonder what they do. It is not easy to walk into a store and ask for prosthesis, which to begin with needs to be ordered in advance.
Who do they talk to? So many of them must be so misguided, ill-informed and hesitant.
So much needs to be done with a long way to go.
“Staying positive she says isn’t easy. You read about these things. You sympathise. You think if it happens you will somehow find it in you to fight back, but it’s so easy to slip” she says. However “I was fortunate as my radiotherapy was relatively easy in comparison to the chemotherapy I had.”
Chemotherapy, she admits took its toll on her. The constant nausea and inability to feel taste and all those times when she felt devoid of energy she chose not to stay bleak but tried to divert her attention by channelling her thoughts elsewhere.
“Everyone tells you of what is in store, the doctors warn you, but even so, the first time you hair falls out, no matter how prepared you are, it still jolts you. The hormone treatments that was next in line last for a good five years. Each person responds differently to this, most women tend to put on weight, like me. I am not too fond of working out but I love the glow of virtuosity once I am through it” she says good humouredly.
She put her mind to task and sought solace in poetry writing. The power of the written word was so strong she says it was cathartic for her. One that seemed to cleanse her of all negative energy and stay focused on just one goal.
To get better again.
“If you ask me has this changed me? I would have to say yes. In ways I never thought possible. When you are healthy and raring to go there is a tendency to take life’s simple joys for granted, your day has a routine.
But when you are in this place, unsure, having doctors talk about your chances of getting better; that can be a huge set back. One that made me sit up and take a good hard look again”
People always want to know if and how this has changed me.
“What can I say? To begin with, I am missing a breast. There is a saying, “vanity thy name is woman”
If you go by that then I ought to be one very depressed woman, but I am not.
Because, I have chosen not to be. I am sure some patients get bitter and then angry or look for someone or something to blame. But no one is to blame. As for me, my faith is in myself. In my family who have helped me through and made sure I moved on. Bernard, my husband, read up on all he could find, because we wanted to make an informed decision, we wanted to be familiar with terminologies. So we as a family kept ourselves abreast (no pun intended). In a way I guess talking about treatments and surgery helped my children, Michael and Kathryn, too. Once the disease takes its toll you could feel like you are spiralling out of control, but you don’t have to. Reading up, knowing about hospitals, types of treatment etc. will give you the feeling of having a small say in things. No matter how small, it still counts”
“It is said that if one crosses the five year relapse period then there is less to worry about. I can see that milestone a little ahead, I know I’ll get there because there is only way forward and that is to survive” she smiles.
Lorna Guckian is a spirited woman, one who has the go getter attitude and comes across as someone with instant survival instincts. “There is always a solution, stop worrying about things that really don’t matter, put health and happiness as your top priorities”.
Wife to the British Ambassador in X, she makes sure she finds time for herself, to do things she enjoys despite having a busy schedule. Diagnosed with breast cancer two years ago, she had no history of the disease in her family; she led an active lifestyle/diet and was hence taken by surprise.
“When I first found the lump, I consulted a doctor who diagnosed it as benign; in that situation that is exactly what one wants to hear. But something didn’t feel right and I went for a second opinion a little later. Then a third mammography, ultrasound and biopsy later, it was confirmed benign again in the UK. But later that summer after one more check up, all changed. I was operated on within 5 days.
After a discussion with my family we decided it was best for my children’s routine to return to school here while I continued my treatment in the UK, living with my sister. After six rounds of chemotherapy every three weeks, over the next 5 months, I returned to X. A difficult period of separation for the family but with today’s technology we were able to speak and see each other every day. I coped with chemotherapy very well, perhaps too well, judging by the amount of shopping I did while in the UK!
In difficult times you realise who your true friends are. Many of them, who I hadn’t even informed, let me know they were there, somewhere behind, just a call away. You don’t always want to talk, sometimes you just have “quiet” days as my MacMillan nurse calls them. I have been very fortunate with excellent support from family, friends and the medical profession both in X and the UK.
I guess it’s natural to think, why me, then the process of dealing with the shock, denial, anger, acceptance and moving on to a solution. I thought why not me. It is so common these days and we all know someone touched by cancer. I focus more on the “can” in the cancer. I consider it no different to a chronic disease with constant improvements in treatment. There is so much help out there today both medical and complementary.
The disease, unfortunately still has stigmas associated with it. If there is one thing that I would tell all anyone, is aim to get rid of any the fear you may feel, consider yourself in control. Once you have stepped beyond that it gets easier dealing with appointments, telling people, explaining things to your kids.
You pick up the pieces and move on. As far as I see it, the disease is a manifestation of something that is not right in the body, there are many theories, but sometimes it just happens. No rhyme or reason. Once you have conquered that imbalance, you are on your way ahead. Looking back, if there is something that I might have done differently, it’s that I would have been more persistent. Even when told that everything looks good, listen to your intuition. There are so many doctors, consult another one, get a second opinion or a third or a fourth! My case is the perfect example that the disease can take you by surprise.
It’s been two years and I am still me. Changes have happened, yes. For the better, I have been introduced to many ways to deal with cancer. I have always been one of those women, who rarely, if ever had a day off sick. So I have learned the hard way how being a patient feels, the hours hanging around hospital, the tension awaiting the results, the treatments. It hasn’t been easy. The disease strengthens you in ways you never thought possible.
I have found time for myself, to do things that make me happy. It can be as simple as reading a good book, going to the beach, spending time with my husband, four children and friends, laughing together, taking our dog for walks on the “jebel” admiring the stunning views. These things aren’t new, just that they are in a different perspective now.
Etiquettes:
Etiquettes are called for not just when you are dining out or in professional scenarios,
It is the need for the hour when you are dealing with patients however near and dear to you. There are some things that need to be kept in mind when visiting patients.
Each case is unique. What we have heard about our distant cousin or anyone we know neednt hold true here. So stay clear of meaningless dispensing of information.
Of course we mean well. Why else would we say “oh its ok, this is nothing, you will get better in the wink of an eye”. Don’t make light of what someone is going through. No matter how good your intentions are. It’s after all not the common cold.
Most people despise pity. Sympathy is fine. But what is stopping us from behaving how we did till yesterday with them?
After all there is no life after pity
If we really want to help, let it show in actions. Let us offer to do our friends
shopping. Perhaps keep company at a doctor’s appointment. Pick up laundry.
Actions do speak louder than words.
If they have young children, take them off their hands. Do some baby sitting.
An extra hand is always better.
No matter how much you care, do not crowd them and their family. Give them space. Make an occasional call to check up. Ask if you can come over and what is a good time.
If you are visiting someone at the hospital, leave behind young children, take a minute to wash your hands before you enter, so as to not bring in anything with you and try not to overstay your visit.
Let’s not tell people what to believe. God, religion, in the self. Each person thinks differently. Let us respect identity and let them be. What works for one, isn’t perhaps the best for another.
At the end of the day, your support counts, so be there if the occasion calls.
Wear a smile, bear some flowers.
Letter:
To Cancer,
We women thought it best if we let you know how we feel about you. It’s important that you understand out perspective too. Mainly because as hard as we try to pretend that you don’t like me per se, and that you would rather go for that other woman who is more likely to gain your attention, it has come to our notice that you show no such discrimination. We understand in a way. It’s easy to like us. We are charming; some of us even do things that, to you, look like we are inviting you in. Yes, we do think about you. A lot! No rhyme or reason. In those moments between lying awake and almost sleeping we remember you. The things we read recently about you. People you have taken away from us.
Some of it is yes, our fault. We do get careless. But it’s hard to be always ready, you know.
Things like routine and life get in the way.
There are husbands who need attention, kids who ask for even more and we do like some time to ourselves.
In between all that, we might just forget to exercise regularly, to eat greens, miss necessary check ups, all that.
In that gap you score. You come in almost unnoticed. We hear your footsteps on the stairway and even before we can guess who it could be, you are in. We really don’t appreciate this invasive personality of yours to be honest. Give us some warnings. Cant you? Strong signals?
But all said and done. We have just one thing to say. We have a lot going on with us.
We juggle a lot of roles. Try to keep a lot of people happy. Try to work and yet find time to read a book, to drink a glass of wine, to eat something we like. So if you are giving to make that indulgence of ours your excuse and creep in, believe us, not a good move.
Despite what you have heard, we are strong, if not physically like a man, mentally yes.
And after all this if you still insist on coming over, we will kick your ass.
You are the bad guy, and when bad guys come to our house, we need to protect our family. We will not give up and let you take over.
Maybe we are yelling by now, but forgive us that. We are shrill by nature.
I hope we are good.
Yours sincerely
The woman next door.
being a sub ed doesnt really do much to show your name in print and well by lines are important!
what!
who doesnt like their name up.
anyway.
my first article just came in print and to remember this day i will have it up here so that even umpteen by lines are done, il still remember the glee i felt today.
IN A PLACE CALLED HOPE
In honor of breast cancer awareness week, 18th to 24th October
World over support groups and foundations make it an occasion of togetherness
Generalizations are hard to come by and mostly untrue but it can be safely said that the world can be divided into two groups of people, ones who in the face of suffering and unexpected hardships are seen floundering sometimes never to re surface and then those who do not give up but fight back and emerge perhaps unsteady, but victorious nevertheless.
The national association for cancer awareness headed by Yuthur Mohammed Al Rawahy has been functioning since April 2004, despite being a few years old and facing several road blocks it has been successful in creating awareness among the locals and achieved a number of objectives for which it had been created.
Speaking of the different obstacles in her path she notes that acceptance is one of the primary issues faced by the patients. In X especially there is a lot of stigma associated with the disease, along with hesitation to come out and open up.
It is still considered taboo and frowned upon.
Yuthur herself, a three time cancer survivor has this incredible zest for life and her vivacious attitude and never say never motto is what has helped her through the rigorous treatment, the several chemotherapies, draining one of even the desire to live.
A grandmother, who avid reader, travel enthusiast she believes that she should be the change that she wants to see in the world and promised herself that once she has survived her third incident she would make available a platform that unites each one of them based on common ground of what they had been through.
She talks about some of the roadblocks that she has faced over the years.
One of the major grouse’s yuthur has and one that is a sore point with her is the lack of palliative care facilities in X. The aim of which is to prevent and relieve suffering and to improve quality of life for people facing serious, complex illness like cancer.
The key to effective palliative care is to provide a safe way to address both physical and psychological distress. The concerns of such patients widely differ, while some spend time worrying about pain, the future, some are bothered about the loss of independence, what will become of their family and negative feelings of being a burden.
During discussions, while some patients will want to discuss psychological or spiritual concerns, some are reluctant to do so. Thus it is fundamentally important to make a complete assessment of each patient; their partner and family to understand what kind of support they need.
Which is why yuthur feels disgruntled about the lack of such care facilities in X, the denying of a person and his support system a chance to understand psychological and spiritual concerns is as harmful as letting them face issues; real or imagined.
Resistance to talking: “For a disease like this support systems form the backbone” she says. “It is simply not enough to take your medication on time and meet the doctor, you need people to fall back upon, to be assured that you are not alone in this” she adds.
Which, she says is precisely why group meetings and speaking out about each individual tryst with the disease comes to gain importance. Why each survivor needs to tell their tale and send out the message that if I could beat it so can you.
“It is all about hope” she says
“My faith tells me to believe that this endeavor too that god has given me, it has to be taken upon because it’s my shoulders that he thought strong enough to survive this, and I am not the one to disappoint him” she adds.
.
Cancer is one such disease where stages of grief have been identified.
If we go by the five stages there is the denial aspect to begin with where you think “this isn’t happening to me”
There is then anger to deal with where your mind thinks ‘why is this happening to me”
You then go on to bargaining. Where, “you promise to be a better person if this can be taken back”
The depression that is just ahead is the hardest because this is where most people give up and where you don’t care what happens anymore, and finally there is the acceptance, the resignation to accept whatever happens.
Times talks to two women who have battled it out and survived these stages to share their story with us.
Sally Perry is almost a local; she has lived the better part of her life here, a good 25 years and loves this country.
Working as a teacher with the Ministry of Health she had led an active lifestyle, one that involved exercising and occasional indulgences that most of us give in to.
Where she does think she went wrong is in not being prompt about check ups. Getting caught in the day to day hassles of routine and living she failed to notice the slight hardening in her left breast.
When on holiday uncomfortable from pain she consulted a physician who diagnosed her with breast cancer. Her holiday in the UK was turned into a trip to the hospital where she underwent surgery and a mastectomy.
The return journey:
Unsure of what treatment was available in X or what do for the best in the unexpected situation she had to debate about returning to X or staying in UK for treatment.
In the end she chose to be with her family here in X.
“My hospital in the UK had a lot of facilities. They had what was a “one stop clinic”. When we went there, I got my mammogram, ultrasound and biopsy done the same day with the results. The support groups provided me with a lot of much needed information, and I had my surgery in two weeks. After spending about a week in the hospital, I returned home as there was the provision to have a district nurse come in and examine me.
On my return to X, I resumed treatment at the Royal Hospital which has an excellent oncology department.
What I think we do lack here is support groups and counselling. A chance to talk to other people, listen, hear.
The cancer awareness association run by Yuthar was a huge help. But even so when I think of all the other women, in more rural areas, like XYZ, I wonder what they do. It is not easy to walk into a store and ask for prosthesis, which to begin with needs to be ordered in advance.
Who do they talk to? So many of them must be so misguided, ill-informed and hesitant.
So much needs to be done with a long way to go.
“Staying positive she says isn’t easy. You read about these things. You sympathise. You think if it happens you will somehow find it in you to fight back, but it’s so easy to slip” she says. However “I was fortunate as my radiotherapy was relatively easy in comparison to the chemotherapy I had.”
Chemotherapy, she admits took its toll on her. The constant nausea and inability to feel taste and all those times when she felt devoid of energy she chose not to stay bleak but tried to divert her attention by channelling her thoughts elsewhere.
“Everyone tells you of what is in store, the doctors warn you, but even so, the first time you hair falls out, no matter how prepared you are, it still jolts you. The hormone treatments that was next in line last for a good five years. Each person responds differently to this, most women tend to put on weight, like me. I am not too fond of working out but I love the glow of virtuosity once I am through it” she says good humouredly.
She put her mind to task and sought solace in poetry writing. The power of the written word was so strong she says it was cathartic for her. One that seemed to cleanse her of all negative energy and stay focused on just one goal.
To get better again.
“If you ask me has this changed me? I would have to say yes. In ways I never thought possible. When you are healthy and raring to go there is a tendency to take life’s simple joys for granted, your day has a routine.
But when you are in this place, unsure, having doctors talk about your chances of getting better; that can be a huge set back. One that made me sit up and take a good hard look again”
People always want to know if and how this has changed me.
“What can I say? To begin with, I am missing a breast. There is a saying, “vanity thy name is woman”
If you go by that then I ought to be one very depressed woman, but I am not.
Because, I have chosen not to be. I am sure some patients get bitter and then angry or look for someone or something to blame. But no one is to blame. As for me, my faith is in myself. In my family who have helped me through and made sure I moved on. Bernard, my husband, read up on all he could find, because we wanted to make an informed decision, we wanted to be familiar with terminologies. So we as a family kept ourselves abreast (no pun intended). In a way I guess talking about treatments and surgery helped my children, Michael and Kathryn, too. Once the disease takes its toll you could feel like you are spiralling out of control, but you don’t have to. Reading up, knowing about hospitals, types of treatment etc. will give you the feeling of having a small say in things. No matter how small, it still counts”
“It is said that if one crosses the five year relapse period then there is less to worry about. I can see that milestone a little ahead, I know I’ll get there because there is only way forward and that is to survive” she smiles.
Lorna Guckian is a spirited woman, one who has the go getter attitude and comes across as someone with instant survival instincts. “There is always a solution, stop worrying about things that really don’t matter, put health and happiness as your top priorities”.
Wife to the British Ambassador in X, she makes sure she finds time for herself, to do things she enjoys despite having a busy schedule. Diagnosed with breast cancer two years ago, she had no history of the disease in her family; she led an active lifestyle/diet and was hence taken by surprise.
“When I first found the lump, I consulted a doctor who diagnosed it as benign; in that situation that is exactly what one wants to hear. But something didn’t feel right and I went for a second opinion a little later. Then a third mammography, ultrasound and biopsy later, it was confirmed benign again in the UK. But later that summer after one more check up, all changed. I was operated on within 5 days.
After a discussion with my family we decided it was best for my children’s routine to return to school here while I continued my treatment in the UK, living with my sister. After six rounds of chemotherapy every three weeks, over the next 5 months, I returned to X. A difficult period of separation for the family but with today’s technology we were able to speak and see each other every day. I coped with chemotherapy very well, perhaps too well, judging by the amount of shopping I did while in the UK!
In difficult times you realise who your true friends are. Many of them, who I hadn’t even informed, let me know they were there, somewhere behind, just a call away. You don’t always want to talk, sometimes you just have “quiet” days as my MacMillan nurse calls them. I have been very fortunate with excellent support from family, friends and the medical profession both in X and the UK.
I guess it’s natural to think, why me, then the process of dealing with the shock, denial, anger, acceptance and moving on to a solution. I thought why not me. It is so common these days and we all know someone touched by cancer. I focus more on the “can” in the cancer. I consider it no different to a chronic disease with constant improvements in treatment. There is so much help out there today both medical and complementary.
The disease, unfortunately still has stigmas associated with it. If there is one thing that I would tell all anyone, is aim to get rid of any the fear you may feel, consider yourself in control. Once you have stepped beyond that it gets easier dealing with appointments, telling people, explaining things to your kids.
You pick up the pieces and move on. As far as I see it, the disease is a manifestation of something that is not right in the body, there are many theories, but sometimes it just happens. No rhyme or reason. Once you have conquered that imbalance, you are on your way ahead. Looking back, if there is something that I might have done differently, it’s that I would have been more persistent. Even when told that everything looks good, listen to your intuition. There are so many doctors, consult another one, get a second opinion or a third or a fourth! My case is the perfect example that the disease can take you by surprise.
It’s been two years and I am still me. Changes have happened, yes. For the better, I have been introduced to many ways to deal with cancer. I have always been one of those women, who rarely, if ever had a day off sick. So I have learned the hard way how being a patient feels, the hours hanging around hospital, the tension awaiting the results, the treatments. It hasn’t been easy. The disease strengthens you in ways you never thought possible.
I have found time for myself, to do things that make me happy. It can be as simple as reading a good book, going to the beach, spending time with my husband, four children and friends, laughing together, taking our dog for walks on the “jebel” admiring the stunning views. These things aren’t new, just that they are in a different perspective now.
Etiquettes:
Etiquettes are called for not just when you are dining out or in professional scenarios,
It is the need for the hour when you are dealing with patients however near and dear to you. There are some things that need to be kept in mind when visiting patients.
Each case is unique. What we have heard about our distant cousin or anyone we know neednt hold true here. So stay clear of meaningless dispensing of information.
Of course we mean well. Why else would we say “oh its ok, this is nothing, you will get better in the wink of an eye”. Don’t make light of what someone is going through. No matter how good your intentions are. It’s after all not the common cold.
Most people despise pity. Sympathy is fine. But what is stopping us from behaving how we did till yesterday with them?
After all there is no life after pity
If we really want to help, let it show in actions. Let us offer to do our friends
shopping. Perhaps keep company at a doctor’s appointment. Pick up laundry.
Actions do speak louder than words.
If they have young children, take them off their hands. Do some baby sitting.
An extra hand is always better.
No matter how much you care, do not crowd them and their family. Give them space. Make an occasional call to check up. Ask if you can come over and what is a good time.
If you are visiting someone at the hospital, leave behind young children, take a minute to wash your hands before you enter, so as to not bring in anything with you and try not to overstay your visit.
Let’s not tell people what to believe. God, religion, in the self. Each person thinks differently. Let us respect identity and let them be. What works for one, isn’t perhaps the best for another.
At the end of the day, your support counts, so be there if the occasion calls.
Wear a smile, bear some flowers.
Letter:
To Cancer,
We women thought it best if we let you know how we feel about you. It’s important that you understand out perspective too. Mainly because as hard as we try to pretend that you don’t like me per se, and that you would rather go for that other woman who is more likely to gain your attention, it has come to our notice that you show no such discrimination. We understand in a way. It’s easy to like us. We are charming; some of us even do things that, to you, look like we are inviting you in. Yes, we do think about you. A lot! No rhyme or reason. In those moments between lying awake and almost sleeping we remember you. The things we read recently about you. People you have taken away from us.
Some of it is yes, our fault. We do get careless. But it’s hard to be always ready, you know.
Things like routine and life get in the way.
There are husbands who need attention, kids who ask for even more and we do like some time to ourselves.
In between all that, we might just forget to exercise regularly, to eat greens, miss necessary check ups, all that.
In that gap you score. You come in almost unnoticed. We hear your footsteps on the stairway and even before we can guess who it could be, you are in. We really don’t appreciate this invasive personality of yours to be honest. Give us some warnings. Cant you? Strong signals?
But all said and done. We have just one thing to say. We have a lot going on with us.
We juggle a lot of roles. Try to keep a lot of people happy. Try to work and yet find time to read a book, to drink a glass of wine, to eat something we like. So if you are giving to make that indulgence of ours your excuse and creep in, believe us, not a good move.
Despite what you have heard, we are strong, if not physically like a man, mentally yes.
And after all this if you still insist on coming over, we will kick your ass.
You are the bad guy, and when bad guys come to our house, we need to protect our family. We will not give up and let you take over.
Maybe we are yelling by now, but forgive us that. We are shrill by nature.
I hope we are good.
Yours sincerely
The woman next door.
Tuesday, October 13, 2009
Monday, October 12, 2009
And someone said, now
Something’s never fail to surprise me.
Today I watched this mal movie called samooham. It means society; I had seen it ages ago. When I was a kid, it was just another movie then.
Suhasini plays a young woman, whose father was a leading politician, well loved and who passed away. Her uncle forces her to stand as the local MLA. She was pushed in to taking it up.
It wasn’t an act of recognizing her potential and getting her to do something. It was more of a legacy thing. Put to use the goodwill her father left her.
So in the movie there is a line, where the bad guy asks her if she is new to politics. She says yes.
He replies that’s why, this eagerness. This vigour to do things, set things right.
That was his excuse for her indignation towards things that were happening in the society, which just weren’t done.
Similairly when I started out here, I was told: have no expectations. Cos you are not going to be changing anything. You are not going to write on anything that is frowned upon unless you want to be deported from here.
I agreed then.
But looking back, I realise what I have agreed to.
The ostrich mentality here Is so strong, so everywhere ,that nothing can be done. They are happy shoving all the bad stuff under their precious sand, pretending nothing goes wrong here.
I nodded. I needed the job.
But if each one of us thought with vigour and wanted to do something, contribute in our own small ways, will it not count some day?
would it still be amateur enthusiasm? Something, that the experienced men would laugh secretly about.
Would I still be the kid who got worked up over just another minor detail.
I was thinking about the nobel prize being given to the president who looked like he dint expect it.
There is twittering and fb updates everywhere.
Supposedly funny lines like. "I intend to be non violent every day, I also want a nobel"
The more I think about it, the more I feel they are right.
He doesn’t obviously belong in the brackets of say a nelson Mandela, but the award is just another way of loading pressure on him, holding him only a little more accountanble.
I could go to the extent of saying it is being given to him, in recognition of his potential.
Of course none of that is fair. But we live in an unfair world any which way.
There are expectations and then there are actions.
This is their action excusing whatever politics there may have been regarding nominations and last dates, this is their action in letting him of know of the expectations from him.
I think it’s a good decision.
Today I watched this mal movie called samooham. It means society; I had seen it ages ago. When I was a kid, it was just another movie then.
Suhasini plays a young woman, whose father was a leading politician, well loved and who passed away. Her uncle forces her to stand as the local MLA. She was pushed in to taking it up.
It wasn’t an act of recognizing her potential and getting her to do something. It was more of a legacy thing. Put to use the goodwill her father left her.
So in the movie there is a line, where the bad guy asks her if she is new to politics. She says yes.
He replies that’s why, this eagerness. This vigour to do things, set things right.
That was his excuse for her indignation towards things that were happening in the society, which just weren’t done.
Similairly when I started out here, I was told: have no expectations. Cos you are not going to be changing anything. You are not going to write on anything that is frowned upon unless you want to be deported from here.
I agreed then.
But looking back, I realise what I have agreed to.
The ostrich mentality here Is so strong, so everywhere ,that nothing can be done. They are happy shoving all the bad stuff under their precious sand, pretending nothing goes wrong here.
I nodded. I needed the job.
But if each one of us thought with vigour and wanted to do something, contribute in our own small ways, will it not count some day?
would it still be amateur enthusiasm? Something, that the experienced men would laugh secretly about.
Would I still be the kid who got worked up over just another minor detail.
I was thinking about the nobel prize being given to the president who looked like he dint expect it.
There is twittering and fb updates everywhere.
Supposedly funny lines like. "I intend to be non violent every day, I also want a nobel"
The more I think about it, the more I feel they are right.
He doesn’t obviously belong in the brackets of say a nelson Mandela, but the award is just another way of loading pressure on him, holding him only a little more accountanble.
I could go to the extent of saying it is being given to him, in recognition of his potential.
Of course none of that is fair. But we live in an unfair world any which way.
There are expectations and then there are actions.
This is their action excusing whatever politics there may have been regarding nominations and last dates, this is their action in letting him of know of the expectations from him.
I think it’s a good decision.
Monday, October 5, 2009
Politics
so i am thinking i need a new label on the blog that says office-work and other such things.
when its your first job, there are a lot of apprehensions,in any job of course but more so with the first. will the boss be that man who you saw being abused everywhere, widely well hated. will people talk behind your back, will you figure out what to do..so on.
in my case, there was just one big big fear and that was is this what i want to do?
the rest where peripherial thoughts. its wonderful to have people like you, but if they dont? well thats ok too.
i rarely ever spend figuring it out and never any time sorting it out.
if you go on to read the next line am about to write you would think modesty isnt where il score big, but despite all that, i am a pretty decent person to have for a friend.
but going by outer demeanour if someone choses not to talk well. what can i say.
anyway, then there is the boss issue. i have a wonderful one. someone who asks me by 11 in the night if am tired and sleepy n tells me to go home, that i have his permission to punch in early.
who tells me about his one great love, gives me all the right books to read and promises to take me when he leaves to a better place.
so no trouble there.
what i am left with is office politics. faced with for the first time in my life, i am a lil confused.
there is really no taking sides cos fr one i dont know who is on what side. i can make a broad generalization though.
you see,
there are sub editors and there are page makers,ie the design guys.
in an ideal scenario which existed till i came in, (talk about luck) the sub eds would do all the copies bought in by the reporters, finish off by about 9 and stay jobless till 12, while the page guys made the page and send it of to print.
now.
the new big big boss, decides that since expansion plans are in the offing, we need a new system.
now i am all for expansion.it means more work.excellent.
but the only thing is i get the feel he hasnt thought it out.
now on the beat i am on there are three people including me and usualy we have about three pages to do.
he does one.subs and makes it. then there is two. i am just learning the art of page making, struggling through it rather, but i was told to get it right in another 2 months.
so that rules me out.
then the third guy: he wont make pages. long story that.
so basicaly, the rest 2 pages go to a page maker. who by now is given different duties.
the ego is here and there we have a clash.
so now the two pages are handed over to another beat but that guy says he isnt just a nobody so he needs the copies as they come cos otherwise he becomes a glorified page maker.
sigh.
to cut all that short: am less harassed. less to do.
story deadline looming with unfinished interviews. worry worry.
and the days are on a flying spree.
when its your first job, there are a lot of apprehensions,in any job of course but more so with the first. will the boss be that man who you saw being abused everywhere, widely well hated. will people talk behind your back, will you figure out what to do..so on.
in my case, there was just one big big fear and that was is this what i want to do?
the rest where peripherial thoughts. its wonderful to have people like you, but if they dont? well thats ok too.
i rarely ever spend figuring it out and never any time sorting it out.
if you go on to read the next line am about to write you would think modesty isnt where il score big, but despite all that, i am a pretty decent person to have for a friend.
but going by outer demeanour if someone choses not to talk well. what can i say.
anyway, then there is the boss issue. i have a wonderful one. someone who asks me by 11 in the night if am tired and sleepy n tells me to go home, that i have his permission to punch in early.
who tells me about his one great love, gives me all the right books to read and promises to take me when he leaves to a better place.
so no trouble there.
what i am left with is office politics. faced with for the first time in my life, i am a lil confused.
there is really no taking sides cos fr one i dont know who is on what side. i can make a broad generalization though.
you see,
there are sub editors and there are page makers,ie the design guys.
in an ideal scenario which existed till i came in, (talk about luck) the sub eds would do all the copies bought in by the reporters, finish off by about 9 and stay jobless till 12, while the page guys made the page and send it of to print.
now.
the new big big boss, decides that since expansion plans are in the offing, we need a new system.
now i am all for expansion.it means more work.excellent.
but the only thing is i get the feel he hasnt thought it out.
now on the beat i am on there are three people including me and usualy we have about three pages to do.
he does one.subs and makes it. then there is two. i am just learning the art of page making, struggling through it rather, but i was told to get it right in another 2 months.
so that rules me out.
then the third guy: he wont make pages. long story that.
so basicaly, the rest 2 pages go to a page maker. who by now is given different duties.
the ego is here and there we have a clash.
so now the two pages are handed over to another beat but that guy says he isnt just a nobody so he needs the copies as they come cos otherwise he becomes a glorified page maker.
sigh.
to cut all that short: am less harassed. less to do.
story deadline looming with unfinished interviews. worry worry.
and the days are on a flying spree.
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