Sister Post

My sister is throwing one of her monumental fits of anger. She has shut herself in since morning, in fact late yesterday night and has still  not come out, it being a whole 24 hours. Me? I am pretty pissed and have called her many things to mum. It annoys me terribly at the same time that she can bring out such evilly childish feelings in my again, at this age! And I cant help yelling at amma about it, cos you know, there is nothing else to do.

Typically these bouts of mood swings are handled by me. So I am familiar with how it goes, she whines and sighs about her college and lack of a life. I try and get her to focus on the fact that "its juuust two more years" which is so hard to even explain cos each time you have to do it inno-vatively. I ask her to join something, cochin isnt that bad, like swimming- which yes she went but she didnt like any of the girls, :/  story of her life since childhood. she never likes anyone!! and  then, she likes dancing, so I say join this somewhat awesome decent salsa club and you will meet lot of kids who I am sure you can get along with- but, no.

I know all this requires some amount of effort and I dont know what else to say! And the worst part is I think she is becoming terribly self centered and insensitive rather to others. The kids in her class, sweet kids but obviously clearly not cool kids, they like her a lot. she yells at all of them :/ and yet they- her roommates put up with her and surprise her for her bdays and such. And the kind of things she says about them, I am just glad they will probably never hear it.

Anyway I dont even know what this anger is about, but I think something to do with me leaving and us not having done anything- like taken a trip. Now this is really not my fault, each weekends rolls in il text like a fool, lets do something V?
NO Echi, I am too tired, too many books, too many some crap. and then now very unfairly she accuses me of spending just one fun day outside!! Which is all her, we go out, she will get pissed about somefucking thing and not talk to us-me and mum, we also get grumpy and thus it ends. Our poor driver! I swear, turn here,no there, go home, NO WE ARE NOT GOING. He once parked on the side and didn't say anything till we sorted it!

So then today when June and M came, obviously I thought she would you know, show the courtesy of coming down! I just didn't imagine that she wouldn't, it was the oddest thing. I cannot just digest that she did not even open her door and this is after she came with me to Bangalore and we stayed at June's for some 2-3 days.
How does one behave like that! Even if any bad mood was happening I would never pull something like this. Even when I am really super angry I def consider the crowd and place.. I dont get it. I kind of blame Amma, her being so all indebted to V for doing this medicine thing as per her wish and so apparently we must not nettle her. :/ So mad!

And then I am sitting her seething, not planning to blog but then suddenly facebook shows me some update and V, is tagged in some photo and I go looking and I see her in her white coat and sthethescope in a picture with some girls, I guess she did not know it was being clicked and her face, is so sad. One of those looking far away sadly faces...It just makes me not not mad. There ends my anger.

July 20th, Wednesday

Though we are not "real" life friends, I think we have gotten pretty close. I am happy I am one of the few to know and I am super duper psyched for you and I am sure you will get there too. :) Till then if you need some cheering up, I can tell you the perks of this whole thing. I can think of some, sure I can.

Much love.
S

New Label time

So its time to have not one, but two, labels! One an MFA one and another- Boston-nian thingies. So about the MFA, first. They have been sending me stressful  emails. To begin with they said- Hallo all, we need some volunteers because when orientation starts on Sept 1st we want to plunge right in. Yes, I am all about the plunging. So they need two for that and another two for the real first class on 7th.

Now. I want to you know take the first step mainly because I want to do really well this time, unlike the MBA or  anything else I have studied so far. and two, if I dont go first then I will know what exactly happens in these things, how much they tear you apart and so on and thus I get the feeling all the writing will be in fear. Maybe its just being paranoid because eventually the rotations will bring me there. Anyway I tell A, who gets even more panicked on my behalf and says to go later but I am just looking for that opportunity to change my mind and if he is telling me the same.. Anyway I volunteer for 7th. I am almost done writing one and so far we like it. It just needs lots of re work.

Then they send me the infamous Leslie Epstein Tip sheet renovated and revamped for our benefit with a list of books that you must have read, that show that you are serious about this. :/

Brothers Karamazov
Go tell in on the mountain
Middle March
Don Quixote
and something else I forget now. I have read exactly one on this. The mail also says to brush up on Russian and in the spirit of the same I go and get Bulgakov and well, Donoghue. The mail also asks that you do not  write like Woolf and so I sort of give Voyage Out a break.

The literature courses for Fall look so interesting, one is Immigrant literature by Prof.Ha Jin and its got some of the best eleven books to read and in all likelihood I wont be taking it. Its so painful, the system. The finances and other associated things makes it impossible for me to take any courses other than workshops this fall. I wonder if they will let me sit in it without paying. Anyone? Does it work like that?

Then, as for Boston. I found the apt! Yes, I did. Its not an apt, its a room in a house and my aunt who saw it really liked it and that by itself is enough for me to take it up. The lady is an art school director and her daughter an aspiring writer. Ha.
The room has a pvt bath and everything else shared and fits in my price range. So all good. Oh and just a brisk walk to the green line, commuting is my big fear.

The visiting prof is Sigrid Nunez who I only knew of because of her Susan Sontag connection but its probably best I get updated on all faculty work. So I am about to go buy four more books. There is also some Labour Day picnic thing at this Prof.'s house that I am already dreading. With my fear of social occasions I will have to push myself out for this one. and its a Poet Prof! Maybe I should read him too, get a general idea of who he is!
Its giving me heartaches and headaches, the whole social aspect of this! I just want to sit in some cafe or my new room and write things! I no meet people. I no, no.
I will. :/

S

What is happening is..

Yes, we must categorize this so that I dont miss out on anything. Books, writing and reading.

1) Books: I always read more when I am here and buy more when I am home. Current book house guys love me, when I walk in, the dark small mouse like guy will grin showing me all his white teeth. He will sort of half follow me if I am alone, at a respectable distance and if I turn around to ask a question, there he is! 

Thus I read four books in the one month I have been here now. 

1. The Painted Veil. - W.Somerset.Maugham

My book cover is not as cool this one. And I also did not know that they made it into a movie till I was    searching for pictures. 

Kitty's transformation is the story, she is shallow and her motives to marry are as silly as they come and Walter her husband though they portray him as a bit of a boiled banana, I got the feeling he was one of those guys girls always dismiss as "my bessst friend", the one they call all hours to whine about their assehole boyfriends while these poor idiots waste time and money on these women who then proceed to wonder 'where are all the nice guys gone!!"

Towards the end though, Maugham writes in a way that makes it impossible to detest her. Despite her new found courage and values she still goes and does something despicable which was the high point for me because I genuinely believe one is not capable of immediate realizations and actions. We learn from some of the mistakes, yes but that doesn't mean we are cured of them all. The same mistake can be repeated if it comes in some other form. I dont think I have explained it well. But nevertheless my second book by Maugham and I still love him.

2) Veronica- Mary Gaitskill

This one I bought a while ago but only found time now. Its a cold hard book. Though what I sensed from it is probably different from what the general review might be. To me it was about cruelty and tolerance and how much pain can we inflict upon us time and again. 

The usual reviews speak about beauty and how brilliantly the author explores the dark spaces in peoples minds. Which is yes, true. 

The novel is about Allison's youth, her beauty and her foray into the world of fashion in the 80's. Allison's relationship with Veronica, a woman with AIDS and her ties to her family.  

3) Fine just the way it is.- Annie Proulx

I had heard of Proulx but mostly so after checking out this artists colony in Wyoming. Someone who is going to be in school with me is going there for the summer which is so awesome. Anyway so I heard how Proulx wrote Brokeback mountain while there. I am not sure how true that is but still I shall definitely apply for next summer if they dont take me for the global fellowship and send me somewhere. :/

Also I didn't know how to pronounce her last name - its simple- pru.

In an odd way Wyoming stories makes me think of my grandmothers life. The Wyoming women take care of a lot of things, home, ranch, kids, horses, cattle. Though of course my gmum didn't have horses she did have to take care of most of the rest and still be a cheerful person, perhaps why I loved the collection so much.

4) The Voyage out- Woolf

Still being read.

So far so good, she does tend to rant a bit but still my patience for her and Atwood's rants is huge.

2) My own writing:

Is actually finally kicking up. After months of a dry spell I am writing two stories at the same time. Somehow its easier this way, a bit of this and that.

one story was not in the list, I have a list of inspirations, sudden jotted down plots. This came to me one night after dinner, Mum me and my sister had gone out to Grand. The guy who holds the door there, a huge man with a funny hat/cap and those Maharaja moustaches- as I call them, long and curved up at the end knows us from frequent visits. My dad always tips him and usually I do too more so from habit.

Also I like doing the whole handshake-tip routine. :o

Though my hand in his giant hands are bit of an oddity. so anyway, he runs and opens our car door and I am rummaging in my bag for my purse when I see him sort of scratch the hair behind his cap in a where-is-the-money, the car has started you will be off in a second! Somehow it reminded me of a dog. waiting for a bone. Quite patiently but almost half scared as though if he exhibits even the slightest irritation the bone will be denied of him. 

Our driver hates us tipping anyone. :/ he pulled the car out of the lot, me still staring and wondering. Anyway the story was suddenly born there- if you could say that, combined with another thought I have been wondering about. Anyway I should be done in the next few days, but this time Id like some more opinions. If any of you all want to read it I am willing to send it your way, just send me and email.

heathcliffsgirl@gmail.com

Till then

S