Thursday, October 13, 2011

Friends

The thing about friends is, some of them happen when you least see it coming. I like this group I am in, I like some more than the rest. I dislike two not because they are unsufferable or they lack something, its just my petty minded-ness.

The closest friend I have is my korean girl.She reminds me a bit of June and that is consoling. We get along, we hang out, but we never tell everyone else, that we are. Its sort of like a guilty secret.We discuss the rest. Initially I was apprehensive because its a small group and I didnt want to create any problems but it got too much inside and its cold outside. Do you know when its really cold its hard to be alone? Its a theory that I am thinking about more. Maybe in winter, people hook up more. I should finds stats for this.

Anyway, then there is M, who I really like, and I can sense its a mutual feeling. We always defend the other in class and I am really not doing it for any personal gain, like a two way street. Its because I think is genuine and I adore her spunkiness.

And now, there is. D. He is the weirdest of the lot. I sense something terribly wrong with him. Like a front that he has put up, that needs a lot of work. I totally know what it means and maybe that is why I can sense it. His writing is like a spiral staircase, its a climb, and then it drops from a very high point. I loved it, everyone else pretty much disliked it. Me and M, kept defending it much to the Prof.s annoyance. So far I think, D had it worst. D was told not to even to consider using this story.
Anyway what makes me write this post is, D sends me an email saying in short, paraphrasing, "Do you have a friend in this group? someone you can vent with? I can be your friend, if you want. I felt moved to ask you."

No one except this guy will write an email like this. Its exactly the kind of thing that people laugh at you for, the kind of thing that you think about, but never say loud. Some kind of mental conditioning. Its funny and sad at the same time.
I am not surprised at the email, nor its tone. I dont see him speaking any other way. The only thing that surprises me, if a certain kind of persona has been worked at for years and years, then why would you let it slip? I would never allow myself to slip. Unless, I am getting the whole persona wrong.

D has an insight that is rare, to see the things in other people's stories, things that most people miss but when it comes to his own work, he stumbles. It becomes too obvious, obtuse. something goes wrong and it takes monumental effort for most people to see through that. I loved the story on the first read. It was so disheartening to see people say- I didn't get it, dont confuse the readers, dont use such fancy language. Dont, dont, dont.

Its always about what is not there, in a work, its never enough what is there, what you imagined, plotted and strove at. That is never enough.
S

Sunday, October 9, 2011

Job two

So I have some free time coming up. Yeah, free time, time free. When I said that in class, someone said what is that thing that you speak of, it sounds vaguely familiar. Of course this person is overloaded with work, he is teaching this sem, taking two lit course etc. etc. I have spread it across which means I will be stuck here during summer. Stuck is used here in a good way.

So free time, yes which means I am thinking of going off to New York. Its about 3 hours by bus. I also found this bus stiuation where sometimes they give away tickets for like a $1 as promos. But otherwise too its fairly cheap around 15$. So well its a plan. Now to fund this plan I need some money and just then I got a job.

Its the jewish holiday time coming up and the job is dinner-prep, 'light cleaning' at this woman's house. It pays well and so I went off to see her. The house was a royal mess but she has three kids so..
But I am beginning to think this is how most houses are kept! Outwardly fancy and destruction inside. So the lady was pretty nice. Its a festival where they have to be outdoors when they have the feast so they have built this tent in their backyard and they have hung all kinds of lights and lanterns around. Then she showed me her pantry! I cannot tell you what is happening there because its colossal! Its stocked with so much food to feed an army and some.
So during the feast they cant use electricity. so she tells me- if I say oh I think I need to switch on another burner, then you know what to do.
I am to switch on the burner! lights. dishwasher. :/ How much more odd can it get.

Anyhow so next Wednesday after class I will be dead but I will have also submitted story3 and I need just one more for this semester. So I have agreed to go after class.

I have brought 9 new books. I will post titles soon. I have a new story that I quite like. I have been re writing it so much that it looks so different from its original state. But its still not enough. Someone in class writes like hundred drafts. Hundred, with all kinds of permutations and combinations for the characters. she gives the lover cancer and then the lover's wife craziness and their son autism. I wasn't sure if that is how I want to take things forward. I mean I go with a fixed idea. Maybe that is what is wrong. I will know better next week because two stories of mine are being work-shopped Mon and Wednesday.

Later then.

Thursday, October 6, 2011

Before I forget

Odd situation. My friend who was fairly sensible to me but creepy to many says she is having an affair. She literally died to marry this guy, who she says knows what's going on.
I dont believe her.

I definitely dont want to believe her.


Tuesday, October 4, 2011

Sorting things

Who thought I would love Tofu?
Who thought I would love long lectures, which I attend, even though I dont need to.
Who thought I would walk the whole circle of a pond that takes about a good one hour
Who thought I would write better, much better in a month
Who thought I would be proud of this achievement
Who thought I would admit to myself  and then say in a small voice out in public- I am a writer,yup, that is right without being apologetic about it.
Who thought despite meeting more and more people I would still crave only my best friend's company when I really need to talk!
Who thought people would find me. let me emphasize me funny
Who thought my odd jobs would now take me to being someone's dinner party food- prep- help
Who thought I would figure out directions in a city and go see things all by myself
Who thought I wouldnt be too scared coming home late slightly tipsy but still having had a wonderful evening in a social situation
Who thought I would discover all these new things about writing
Who thought I would learn to value my mother more without her having to say anything, without her even saying a word about her sacrifices
Who thought I would have the one man willing to spend his precious time helping me out
Who thought I would read articles about writers and yet be able to say no, I dont think that is quite right
Who thought I would be able to keep up with all this.