Being One

Its time of the year again. where my paranoia gets the better of me and i huff and puff on to my gyanecs office.
wait patiently my turn
and then storm in and announce that i am "definitely" sure that this time something is "definitely" wrong.
so this woman is quite used to me by now and she is very tolerant.
she doesnt sigh on me and give me those "who let her in" looks.
she patiently asks me "which is" and i go in to my narrative of pain in the pelvic region which even to me is a little exaggerated. its not so much pain as dull aches!
anyway
i am very protective of my cervix you see.
she does all her examinations and sends me off for the pap smear which am not too fond of.
and we emerge a lil later with the word "normal" all over the report.
how i louw this word.
i cant leave without worrying myself and her a lil more about breast issues, which btw as always she kicks aside as calcification.
the internet declares women with the same as high risk towards breast cancer is my argument which she counters with "would you look at your age"

i dont think that was fair played.

Read this
"Physicians who recommend "waiting and watching" point to survival statistics, which suggest that a six-month delay in diagnosis and treatment does not affect a woman's chances for a 5-year disease-free outcome. They claim that waiting is not dangerous because six months is a short time in the life of a slow-growing cancer. They also assert that chances for long-term survival with a fast-growing cancer are low, and that early detection does not seem to matter, especially for premenopausal women"

this is pretty much what she says. what does she know of my tossing and turning.
these are times when i hate being a woman.

Do Not

Some Tips from past blasts.
THINGS NOT TO DO ON A FIRST DATE:

1. Do not wear your granny panties, not just cos of the "just in case", have you given a thought about sitting down and the world gets a view? anyway

2. Do not over order. so what if this is your first time at this place? you dont have to eat everything in sight.

3. Do not peck at your food and bring on your Diet details. at least not now.

4. so its going really bad. this is a visible mistake, dont rush for the cheque. give it some time, some men tend to make sudden, rapid shifts you know, hang in there!

5. Do not get drunk, yelling Repeat after Repeat and start slurring and declaring this to be the besht night in a long time! no one needs to know your weekend-tv-take out situation

6. Do not say "oh they call me slutty" when he asks about pet names ,the pride in your voice wont make up fr ur misery next morning

7.Do not ramble on about how much your ex and you fought and made war and involved everyone and then mention everyone s names and then figure how many of these people he might know

8. Do not ask " so do you like x? " x being the common friend who set u up in the first place

9. Do not PRETEND to be in to his hobbies. Trust me you l get caught

10.Try REALLY hard not to sleep with him that night.

Re-WIND

That Thing you do when you have successfuly managed to forget your old mishaps and then once in a while someone comes along and reminds you of your foolishness is called re-wind

i hate hate going back and pondering on old relationships.
in fact i dont anymore.
and it really isnt so pleasant. though i have managed to stay friends with most of them, some definitely still hate me, inspite of me, readily putting forward my best smile and "lets be friends" look.
some i know, for fact, have exaggerated stories about my small petty meanness, proportioned to entirely something else, so that people who just know me as a name, think the worst about me

none of this really counts or even matters

except that teeny weeny thought, wriggles up and shakes it self and clears throat and goes "WHAT WERE YOU THINKING"
now that is what i hate.
i wasnt thinking. allright.
i was busy moving. great speed. less judgement.more obvious. less hassles. more willing.less effort
i desperately needed to be told on a pretty constant basis how important i was and how much i was loved.

reciprocration was a different deal though

and the ones who said it less, or i felt, feels less, was left fr more ardent, complicated men.
which inevitably leads you where?
into complicated muddles from where i could peacefuly ,comfortably grumble "what is wrong with me,why am i with you?" and feel utterly happy and yes a little disgusted,(but that s only when am wasted)

some of these men i assure you were really nice guys. they had no issues. they had no visible faults and even when i tried digging in deep in to the so called psyche to see the mess, they came up ok
which was in fact the issue
i couldnt possibly be with someone with no faults.

i cant tell you how much time i have wasted doing this totally wasted task.
now and then i hear about them here and there. they are with different people, some i know, some not. most of them are happy. some of them still call.
and then there are some who are not so happy. who have messed up big time.
and then when i re wind, am glad that i have moved on, just in time, to do this re winding.

This Place

for rain to stop
hair to grow
for praise to come
for struggles to end
for steps on stairs
milk to boil
bus to arrive
death to knock
for a baby in belly
for partner to notice
for crimes to be punished
lilys to be bought
home to be cleaned
servant to arrive
for the phone to ring
for letters unwritten
for authors not published
an alchohol high
for a touch
to connect
for a shoulder to cry
for the wind to stop
breeze to begin
trips to mountains
walk to beaches
tears to stop
smiles to never end
for my turn at d swing
lift to come
pain to stop
suffering to end
tolerance to increase
god to listen
life to step in

So much time goes by in waiting for all this.

Point

Is "i miss you" really a substitute for "do i even know you."
is " i wish you were here" more on d lines of " i so want to check you out in your mood swings,in annoyance and anger and see how you react so that if i have to be running a mile,i better be prepared

i wont say anything about the i love you cos if that is questioned there is nothing left.

IN boxed

1. Thanks for putting up with nonsense! but of course u shdve stopped me.

2.Best of luck, soap well.

3.you never listen, i have 1800 with me, so next time you think of me, think broke. i have lots of things to finish off! including selling a rabbit! and after all this, if i have time,id like to spend it with parents!il visit you guys. in total turkey is a long way off!

4.wanted to see you off, sorry. il miss you, dont forget to invite me for the wedding

5.you were the first person i met and the last.in between two years have passed, it cant be on any year book, but you are my nose pin,tattoo and best friend,louw u,good luck

6.that is so sweet! i louw you

7.why are you so ungrateful

8.i understand you taking out your anger abt that stupid ph! whatever it is. il leave, happy?

9.really handsome! pray it matches!

10. how is the loose motion?

11. im glad we got along. u know. not too easy with you.

12. i heard YOU are getting married. one, why wasnt i told? and two, more importantly am proud of you, hee. sorry!

13. haha, a geek?

14. baby, your legs must be tired. you have been running in my head all day

15. i insist the boy shouldnt be touching feets, i am telling u now only. il get really mad and at you that too. no one wants their tags anyway. ok?

16.boy from zambia here

17.very funny, if only you had married george!

18.i am at the seat edge, ipl can take a hike

19.on the contrary id be at my wits end by now, planning a wedding is big! u seem to be handling this well. whens d shower? n a maid of honor? no?

20. lunch at ponnuswamys! i promise. i know u liek it.:)

Today

Today i made a killing.
I got four new books! i always buy two books at a time, but today i decided to indulge.
so here we have.
life is elsewhere by milan kundera
memory of my melancholy whores by marquez
madame bovary by flaubert
and collected short stories of kipling.

this is my first attempt at kipling. i had this short issue with him, earlier on after having read some prose by him, way back where he had expressed his supreme theme, as the existence of a barbarian society and necessity of colonial rule to free the same and transform it into a elite section, and the "Sacrifice" of english officials in doing the same.
since most of his work deals and is set in an indian scenario with emphasis on the supernatural, some of his work reflects the theme in all its glory. india has been depicted so fragile in all arenas, whether it be friendship, emotions, natural history, nature.

but then of course this is way long back. back in 1888 when he was still a young man.
the india then must have been what he spoke about.

anwyay.
the book slut has had her orgasm.

Some Day

Yesterday was shaans birthday.
i had kept an alarm so that i could wish him. and it rang promptly at 9.
and then i decided not to.
i kept thinking how we might run out of things to say after me saying "happy birthday"
i would hate those awkard silences happening with him.. of course i think way too much.
it could have gone just plain and happy.simple. he would crack silly jokes ,i can laugh, talk about resp relationships.and hang up.
but i worry too much
N so i dint call you.
but here it is. i dint forget.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
i louw you and someday il show you this.

Father Of The Bride

At the end of the day the fact is, i love my dad. more than i feel for anyone, of course the mother is excluded. that being a different deal alltogether.

He has not been around at all while i was busy growing up, and for this one relationship absence dint make it any more fonder than yesterday. the fact that he was physically available but not otherwise dint make it any better. i am not complaining now.

like cliches go lot of water has flown under the bridge or however it goes.

he did try and make it for those pta meetings. i guess he read how important it is to know how the kid is behaving in school. i behaved normal. so there were no issues to be handled and discussed and he must have gone back from those meetings thinking "oh well all good there"

once in a while he would ask me about how it goes, what can i say. it goes.

once in a while he would attempt at conversation, those ones about girls and growing up? where there would be more coughing than words.
i got it. boys are bad. stay away.
you made it fr my bdays. mainly to take me to a temple where i asked fr nothing but you.
it made no sense to me.
talks about talent, poetry, writing,what i wanted to do. but most times,you got what class i was in wrong, you dint know i broke a vase yesterday and felt guilty as hell, you dint know i wanted pizza cos everyone seemed to be having it, you dint know barbies were the new thing, you werent there when i got burned with hot water, or when a boi gave me a love letter!

i am not sure why am so angry suddenly.
maybe cos, the excuses you gave me recently for your absence were pretty lame. you shouldnt have said anything.
cos later.
much later you had made yourself,the most important, couldnt do without, support system that i could ever ask for.
but i wish you hadnt explained.

i hate justifications. what had been would always not be made any less miserable with reasons that dont collabarate.
reasons for alcoholism, for late night fights, for disappearances, for all the worrying i did, that you,suddenly seem to think should be made alright by logical explanations of money trouble, of a one man show,one man income.
i get all that too, but i can never and will accept any of those as basis for such terrible behaviour
all s hunky dory now
there s more money than i ever dreamt of. which btw sometimes never fails to amaze me, which is difficult to spend casually.
cos automatically the mind ,which no matter what suffers no amnesia does a quick recap
it reminds me of times when even a simple visit to the doctors had to be postoned. when clothes were once a year surprises,awaited with bated breath. could happen, couldnt happen
and later did not matter.
when at some point you have made do with very lil, and had very sparse belongings, then it becomes a way of life. soon it becomes ,not ok, but adjustable.
now its hard to spend. its ok to spend. but hard to do so. oh well its money! we all get used to having it real quick right?
right. so the point was.
what was the point.
yes, even it if meant having less which was any way a given it would have helped so much if you had been around a lil earlier.

i am really not shifting blame fr incidents and situations later, cos i cant possibly look into the future and say it would have been any different. but only if u had.

you talk to me about culture. about imbibing it into my going to be family. i know u mean well but i cant help wondering what culture you are talking about?
the one you taught me? i dont seem to recollect any.
the ones you mention about god and god fearing, about waking up early ,all that point towards making a good girl as you put it, makes no sense to me.
god is personal. and i dont see myself as religious as to waking up and praying and thinking yes that is done, i am good now.

i think more in lines of faith. it doesnt matter in what.
it could be in you, maybe in A. maybe in mom. maybe in an idol.
maybe in actions, in risks, in taking chances, i never understood lines of this sort" i am spiritual not religious"anyhow.

if i wake up and go to a temple its not because you asked me to. its cos i wanted to. not cos everyone else who is important to you and whose opinion are meaningless to me would say " look at that girl" and beam at this culture taught to me and let you bask in pride.

i dont think i could give you that much.

you broke my heart repeatedly when i was small. you promised on my head, slurring words that i beleived for a long time.
and then u not only broke them, you made life living hell for me.
and inspite all that i kept hoping you would change. you dint.
i had to jolt you back in to your senses. with no real intention on my side.purely accidental, but that did it.
what i did to you, was devastating.
i remember the look on your face. you could not believe that it was me. i saw you searching so hard, for excuses to justify me.
i admit,it made me perversely very very happy.
you dint demand explanations. you accepted it as punishment, which i utterly regret.
i swear its not your fault.
i swear, i swear on your head.

and then, then you came to me. you were there constantly. you never never bought it up or blamed me.
not to this day.
you know that thing about hurting people. what do you do? you hurl their weakest point in their faces.
like if u are a cripple and you have just annoyed me beyond reason what would i say to you? "after all you are nothing but a cripple"
a last taunt. one that breaks down all barriers and pushes your wall down completely

you could have dont that to me, you could have said so many things. i wouldnt have said a word back and you knew it.
but you dint. you only taught me to respect you. we tried then and i can say with great confidence we have survived.

i dint lose you completely and u had me always anyway.

and now here we are. i see you running around excited about me getting married, laughing at old stories of mine which i assume mom must have told you, wondering how quickly time flew by
but it dint you know
maybe for you, but time fr me has dragged and slowly slowly come around here.
we dint let things get between us. you taught me to move on and i wouldnt know if i or my behaviour or anything about me made any sense to you, but
at the end of the day you are still the one i love the most, and always will.

this is really just a ramble post. the one to let out words no one is interested in. so that it doesnt build up and make it all worse.
i feel better.
i love this blog place.
really.

A Mismatched Story

I wanted to let the locks fall, tumble around, greedy in their need for attention, to be stared at and talked about. they were long and dark black, slight resemblance to waves,a little pretentious perhaps and definitely vain,which arose mostly from their wish to be have an allure, to be a part of the romantic ideology of "tresses that carried secrets, eyes that spoke volumes..."

yes they were definitely vain

but there were restraints as always. there are always people who talked. whose whispering bordered on the obscene.

the innocent pleasure in a statment like letting your hair down was no longer allowed

the mother tightly plaited them,armed with oil and combs.

colorful ribbons that did nothing to enhance anything. they sat, woven together, out of breath,dreaming of freedom, of blowing about with the wind, the strands wanted to touch the face they had missed so, the fringes wanted to curl up on a forehead that welcomed them, the sides craved fr d earlobes to whisper girly secrets.

they wanted a story of their own. and then one day. i gave it to them.

what made that day was a sorry state of mind, behaviour that forever confused me, one step at a time i was told but then no one followed the rules of the game they had taught me since from early childhood.

the tresses were punished

in a fit of rage and thoughts that ran in to all corners i chopped them of myself. with a blunt scissor

the edges were rough and the right side longer. the mirror spared me no sympathy

it showed me the facts as they were.

the dark mess at my feet seemed to ask

whats our story now

The Buck Stops Here

When will I really write?
Enough to be in the league, enough to gather praise, not to be the highlight but just right enough to make an impact
When will there be enough clarity in thought, imagination backed up with characters who don’t let you forget them, who live on in minds with words that I have made them repeat. Dialogues I have made them practice, when will there be creativity that makes it all worth it, perhaps not make the skin prickle but relate immediately, to lives, to instances, that make the reader feel “I know what she s talking about”
I know there needs to be what is most vital
The thing I term exposure which Is really just more people, more experience, more life and not to forget formal training.
But if all this does not have an intrinsic value. If what is inside is just plain repetitive cries, with no new story to be said, nothing that is meant to unfold someday then where does that leave me.
Most days I am glad that this is not the fag end. That tomorrow doesn’t leave me any more shattered than today. That it’s indeed just the beginning. That where I stand at 23 is not too bad.
If you believe that there is a threshold for exposure then am way ahead. You don’t know what I mean do you?
If at x age I am supposed to know these many things and at age Y I have to proceed to the next level of artists then I mean to say I must probably be at an advanced 26 or 27
Of course there are no hard and fast rules in life or in literature.
Earlier an artist could afford to be nonchalant, to be willingly detached, to have no real feeling towards what he has done. He could move on to the next stage, identify new plots and new scenery, he always knew he would make a comeback.
Now talent takes a back stage. No one cares if you are back or not. No one cares enough to chase you down for your next best effort, cos at the next street corner the new artist is born and is crying out already.

Where do I fit in?
I don’t claim to be anywhere, I have not even got my ability right and so it would be devastating to stretch my leg without even sitting down first.
Ploughing on, plodding on, making the best of now, when do these words take a turn for the better
When is it really enough?

Picking Up

Jealousy is a new and alien feeling. It tugs at the heart making its existence clear
It paints old scenes clearly, vibrantly in my head, with no real data. It misconstrues statements, does detailed analysis of casual lines, wonders out aloud, worries me to bits and pieces and yet leaving me unable to saying anything at all but annoyed enough to being desperately alone and silent
Cos that is not allowed. Reactions are not allowed.
That would make me then what? Ordinary. The strive to maintain a balance between what should be and what is.
After having been ignored for so long, it takes an almost guilty pleasure in tumbling out. And like all things left unsaid and all things new it doesn’t take it easy or slow. In gushes, in violent and often terrible anger that can’t be soothed by reading over and over again, words that are meant to serve the purpose
Pictures, words anything triggers it off and on it comes pouring. It requires great patience to not react, to be detached. All the practice that I have had is suddenly not enough. Perhaps cos this is the real thing. Perhaps cos I am new to this.

Being a Bitch

So sam, we shall call him is a pretty normal guy. for most parts. but for the other parts, at least the ones with me he completely loses it.
i made the mistake of going out with him once, and getting drunk n kissing him
after which i lost interest and dint bother
with all due respect to him, i must be an awesome kisser fr d kinda bothering he did! and honestly he is kinda cute and should be able to get around women well ,if only he wouldnt speak.
alas he has to show off! sigh

our conversations are great sources of entertainment fr me. he has great amounts of patience and despite my repeatedly weird and nasty behaviour he fails to get it and to leave me alone.

my jokes are lost on him, so i try being completely bitchy which also conks off so now i have decided to just go with the flow? i have to give it to him. this is solo entertainment in these sad days

here we go.
sam: heyy der???
Sent at 20:40 on Tuesday
me: yh
sam: hw've u been madam
me: good.
sam: long time ... tried callin u also so many times
soo where r u these days
me: hme
sam: hme as in ?
me: wer i live
sam: no hme as in where the heart is
where u live is a house
i meant X or Y
Sent at 20:50 on Tuesday
me: x
sam: hmm
and wat happened abt ur placement
me: notin
sam: soo y u not trying
me: i wil
sam: companies have started hiring
this is the time to fight
me: g8
sam: so hwz life
me: g8
sam: and heyy u got ne local no. there ?
coz i know tum se call nahin hoga ill only have to vcall ya
me: oh i dont wn2 talk
sam: excuse me !!!1
me: yh
?
sam: i didnt get that one
me: oh u dint.
sam: i mean u dont want me to call or wat
me: i dont want to talk
yeah
sam: y wat happened ?
smthing wrong ?
me: nothin at all
sam: then y this sudden rudeness
me: what suden! i have always been rude
sam: how come i never felt it before
me: now i dont ans to it all
sam: but u can ans to a simple question i guess as to y cant u all of a sudden talk
undergoin vipashna or wat ?
me: uhm this is also nt sudden!
i never wanted 2 talk
sam: to me or nebody ?
me: right now?
u
sam: neways m not gonna call ya right a way
me: no dont bother
i am nt talkin
t care
bye
sam: arre abhi to m not callin also
me: ah good
sam: wats wrong wid u ???
me: lota things
sam: and m i responsible for all those
or ne of those
me: as far as i see it
no
sam: then y do i get punished for trying to be a good friend
me: cos am a bitch
sam: no u not
had u been that ways i wud not have been even speaking to u
me: i see
sam: u know wat i think u need to talk to somebody
me: oh really
sam: if u think m not trust worthy still ... call up someone close to u
me: like a pyschiatrst u mean?
sam: u act sounding pretty weird
no not a psychiatrist
me: oh gee
dt wud hav been fun
sam: hmm vaise m a much better than them
me: alternative career option
have fun
sam: okay now gimme ur no. like a good girl
me: good girl? haha
did u jus land from some other era
der are no good girls now
sam: arrre i dont think that ways even after so many bad experiences
there always r good ppl ... just that u dont c them
me: i want to say thats stupid or ur stupid or so? but even i am nt dt mean
sam: its not abt being stupid or not \
its about belief
me: yeah add blind to it
beleifs eh?
nice
sam: nopes
me: mebe you should write a book
sam: if there r devils there have to be angels
me: or no
make a movie
ur dramatic scenes would sell really well
sam: if u wud read i wud write
and it will sell
me: i feel like am back in high school
sam: marketing is my forte u c
me: n my friend is readin mills n boons loud
sam: wats wrong in that
werent those the best times one wud have experienced
me: what are u
a girl!
ugh
sam: i wish i cud read ...
me: well its nt like de stopped writin books
go ahead read!
sam: dats where the problem is i cant read
me: ok i cnt do dis nymore
u know wht go..jus go. bye
sam: bye take care
me:thanks fr making me laugh though
sam:the purpose is solved then
:-) g nite
sleep tight
Sent at 21:17 on Tuesday

hmmm

Lets Tag Me

Available: No
Age: 23
Annoyance: Unasked advise
Animal: I like horses,will settle for a dog
B-
Beer: kingfisher, heineken, corona
Birthday/Birthplace: March 16th,calicut
Body Part on opposite sex: Beautiful long fingers
Blind or Deaf: anything but dumb
Best weather: cloudy
Been in Love: *is in love
Been on stage?: yup
Believe in life on other planets: Totally, wish someone would back it up though
Believe in miracles: Co incidences rather
Believe in Magic: not so far
Believe in God: pretty much hard core
.C-
Car: Doesnt matter
Candy: caramellos,tootsie rolls,root beer floats( half ice cream n half root beer!)
Color: white, green
Cried in school: lady pinched me! tried valiantly not to. but well, it hurt
Chocolate/Vanilla: Vanilla any day
Country to visit:Turkey, korea, egypt
D-
Day or Night: Night
Danced: I suck at this, absolutely
Dance in the rain? pranced rather
Do the splits?nope.
E-
Eggs: sunny side up all the time
Eyes: yeah i do have them. bad joke. uhm mine i guess
Everyone has: opinions
F-
First crush: ha,he knows. first crush=The last guy
First thoughts waking up: A dint text/ A Did text
Food: yes?
Greatest Fear: Betrayals
Giver or taker: As sad as it is, inclined more to "giver"
Goals: Lots
Get along with your parents?: we try. really.
H-
Hair Colour: Dark Dark black
Height: 5'5
Happy: If i dont think much,yes
How do you want to die: peacefuly?
Health freak?: well i worry but thats about it.
Hate: A few
I-
Ice Cream: Butter scotch
Instrument: flute and the veena but guitar is all i shall attempt
.J-
Jewelry: kadas and glass bangles, beads and shells,junk
Job: lets not go there right now
K- was always the short form for capital in economics and that s all that comes to mind
Kickboxing or karate: Kickboxing
Keep a journal?: that would be this
L-
Love: is right now impatient n tired n alone
Laughed so hard you cried: Totally on a high
Love at first sight: i dont think so
M-
Mooned anyone? i actually dnt know what that means
Marriage: Is on its way
Motion sickness?: Nope
N-
Number of Siblings: 1-
Number of Piercings: 4
O-
One wish: To have slapped someone really hard. now its pointless
P-
Place you'd like to live: Bangalore
Perfect Pizza: Dont like pizza.-
Pepsi/Coke: fanta
Q-
Questionaires: dont mind
R-
Reason to cry: these days in plenty
Reality T.V.: makes me really happy
Roll your tongue in a circle: cant even lift it up,i have a tongue issue
S-
Song: current favorite - Buffalo springfield,for whats it worth
Shoe size: 6 or 9 not sure
Slept outside: terrace? counts?
Seen a dead body? yes
Smoked? yes
Skinny dipped?: No
Shower daily? yes
Sing well? not too bad
Swear? try to stop at, "what the....?"
Stuffed Animals? :) yes yes
Single/Group dates: 2 prefarably, if not huge groups.
Strawberries/Blueberries: no berries
Scientists need to invent: Cure for cancer
T-
Time for bed: Early actually,i am getting old!
Thunderstorms:Bring them on
TV: A lot. lost, coupling, friends fr the nth time,left right centre, devils advocate, the big fight
Touch your tongue to your nose: what did i say about my tongue?and what is this tongue obsession questions!
U-
Unpredictable: makes it all worth it

V-
Vegetable you hate: ladys finger and tomatoes n pumkins
Vegetable you love: carrot, cabbage, raddish, beans, bitter guord
Vacation spot: Anywhere with A should do.
W-
Weakness: Difficulty in saying no as cliched as it is
When you grow up: i think i am done with growing up but when A grows up, id like him to be a nice god fearing, hard working, upstanding young man. :P ( u still louw me right?)
Worst feeling: of having not been there for someone
Wanted to be a model? They shortlisted me for miss kerala if that counts :)
Where do we go when we die: clowns like you will go to the zoo
Worst weather: heavy rains and humid heat
X-
X-Rays: A broken ankle
Y-
Year it is now: 2009
Yellow: yellow teeth,yellow shirts= turn off number 3.
Z-
Zoo animal: Bears! always!
Zodiac sign: Piscean

This was long and my ass hurts from sitting

Bye baby

The twins next door are the most adorable boys ever
one of them has this way of standing a lil bent on his knees and smiling,holding his legs.
they wear similair clothes, which is funny fr me,cos wouldnt you rather have them wear different ones to identify easier ?
or maybe the mom knows her way around
they are learning to walk and i stare at them all the time from the verandha and today finally they spotted me and came wobbling over,falling halfway some three times.
i stuck my tongue out and the fatter one burst out laughing

only if i could borrow them for a bit