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Tuesday, September 28, 2010
The Actuafuckinglutely first
Dear S
Thank you for your submission.
While we recognise the intensity of this piece, we feel it is not the right choice for the coming issue.
Good luck with placing it elsewhere,
best regards
the editors
How many many many more to come.
Thank you for your submission.
While we recognise the intensity of this piece, we feel it is not the right choice for the coming issue.
Good luck with placing it elsewhere,
best regards
the editors
How many many many more to come.
Monday, September 27, 2010
Saturday, September 25, 2010
Thursday, September 23, 2010
Limitations
We are all unreasonable in our own little ways.
I am unreasonable in expecting A to figure out my University applications and wondering why he cant take a couple of hours in sorting it out with me.
A is unreasonable because he thinks i am just loitering with no intent and that close attention is not paid to any of his speeches.
Achan is unreasonable in thinking that if there is an argument and i am on one side and a stranger on the other,stranger is always right
Amma is unreasonable in thinking that Achan will never change,now that he is hitting 50
The sister is unreasonable in thinking that i have goten married,left and somehow that has translated to loving her less
University's back home are unreasonable cos they dont understand why you need to apply to more than 5 univ here.
University's here dont understand that the one's back home are incapable of getting anything right and that time delays are normal and that no one ever replies to EMAILS!
Everyone is unreasonable.
I am unreasonable in expecting A to figure out my University applications and wondering why he cant take a couple of hours in sorting it out with me.
A is unreasonable because he thinks i am just loitering with no intent and that close attention is not paid to any of his speeches.
Achan is unreasonable in thinking that if there is an argument and i am on one side and a stranger on the other,stranger is always right
Amma is unreasonable in thinking that Achan will never change,now that he is hitting 50
The sister is unreasonable in thinking that i have goten married,left and somehow that has translated to loving her less
University's back home are unreasonable cos they dont understand why you need to apply to more than 5 univ here.
University's here dont understand that the one's back home are incapable of getting anything right and that time delays are normal and that no one ever replies to EMAILS!
Everyone is unreasonable.
Friday, September 17, 2010
Tuesday, September 14, 2010
watte quandary
Its about 5 30 in the evening,i sit in the dining room where i study,no,no more study jokes. There are kids playing in the green area that separates the apt complexes.There is a terribly fat lady watching the kids. she always wears skimpy tops.The kids are on a scooter thing.The indian couple dont let their kid go play there,though i have heard him ask quite plaintively if he could.
I have just woken up after a quick nap,which was supposed to be just a line to fool sleeping into coming quickly but i think its caught on,it took forever to just fall asleep,"you" can ask why,then,did i try so hard. just sleep games.
I had looked for part time writing editing jobs that i could do earlier on before i started preparing for the exams, There was an Indian lady who had put up an ad on craigslist. She apparently has a blog,a food blog and she wants someone to edit it out.For some reason i mailed without even first checking her blog.
Two mistakes here.
1. I will edit blogs now? These days i take painstaking efforts to remember not to use short forms in my own blog and to try and figure the whole kuth,comma.Not that i have gotten anywhere with it
2. I did check her blog.Her very vegetarian,north indian food blog. Sigh.All kinds of words i dont like in that one line.
She did mail back saying she will pay $10 an hr. I usually always reply to people's mails,i might get late sometimes but i always do.Anyway i dint.
and i forgot about it. today she mailed again asking "why arent you interested anymore?" I felt quite bad.
Mail i will.
I have now turned tables and want to get into only an MFA program. I heard someone on a blog say that its probably easier to get a medical seat,that sounded funny but the more i read the more panicky i have become.Each moderately decent place takes about 4 to 6 people in each program,so thats say poetry 6,non fiction 6 etc and of course you dont want to fund a program like this by yourself,cos when you come out,you are basically just more well read,well rounded with no real world skills. who wants to know how fast you finished Tolstoy,which btw is the longest time i have taken on a book.
so the basic assumption is if you apply to as many as you can,someone might just like your writing. watte presumption.
I wonder if anyone will.I wonder what stories i should start working on to send. i wonder what to write in Sop without sounding like a cliche,an old bore,arrogant etc..
I wonder if i should spend so much of my money on this and then have so many rejection letters. why is it so hard!
Meanwhile leaves are beggining to turn yellow,and fall. so i shall just look forward to that and take many pictures.
ps: also
I feel like its some kind of twisted testing. Like, lets see what you will pick. Whoever is heading this particular division up there,be warned.
I will always pick Option 1.
More later
I have just woken up after a quick nap,which was supposed to be just a line to fool sleeping into coming quickly but i think its caught on,it took forever to just fall asleep,"you" can ask why,then,did i try so hard. just sleep games.
I had looked for part time writing editing jobs that i could do earlier on before i started preparing for the exams, There was an Indian lady who had put up an ad on craigslist. She apparently has a blog,a food blog and she wants someone to edit it out.For some reason i mailed without even first checking her blog.
Two mistakes here.
1. I will edit blogs now? These days i take painstaking efforts to remember not to use short forms in my own blog and to try and figure the whole kuth,comma.Not that i have gotten anywhere with it
2. I did check her blog.Her very vegetarian,north indian food blog. Sigh.All kinds of words i dont like in that one line.
She did mail back saying she will pay $10 an hr. I usually always reply to people's mails,i might get late sometimes but i always do.Anyway i dint.
and i forgot about it. today she mailed again asking "why arent you interested anymore?" I felt quite bad.
Mail i will.
I have now turned tables and want to get into only an MFA program. I heard someone on a blog say that its probably easier to get a medical seat,that sounded funny but the more i read the more panicky i have become.Each moderately decent place takes about 4 to 6 people in each program,so thats say poetry 6,non fiction 6 etc and of course you dont want to fund a program like this by yourself,cos when you come out,you are basically just more well read,well rounded with no real world skills. who wants to know how fast you finished Tolstoy,which btw is the longest time i have taken on a book.
so the basic assumption is if you apply to as many as you can,someone might just like your writing. watte presumption.
I wonder if anyone will.I wonder what stories i should start working on to send. i wonder what to write in Sop without sounding like a cliche,an old bore,arrogant etc..
I wonder if i should spend so much of my money on this and then have so many rejection letters. why is it so hard!
Meanwhile leaves are beggining to turn yellow,and fall. so i shall just look forward to that and take many pictures.
ps: also
I feel like its some kind of twisted testing. Like, lets see what you will pick. Whoever is heading this particular division up there,be warned.
I will always pick Option 1.
More later
Monday, September 13, 2010
Tuesday, September 7, 2010
Just another day
So this is silly,but just for me to remember this incident.
So Amma and i talk almost every day. Sometimes she will annoy me,and i will threaten her with dire consequences and general yelling but as days goes by and the gap of having seen each other increases she is becoming more and more less focused on my many faults and more expressive about missing me which obviously am all thumbs up for.
Anyway i have told Amma to give me a missed call whenever she is free so that i can call her. which she almost always never does and when i call she will either be out,or in the loo,or watering plants or walking with the neighbours or watching a show!! (i know!),of course for the last she is always willing to shut the tv down.Anyway for a couple of days now i have been busy wt random things and weekend since A is home i end up not calling on weekends.
So today i realise its been almost 4 days of not talking to her or no texts nothing, With me,there is a problem,if i havent talked to a person for a bit,i cant quite talk again without first chatting over some other medium.so i text amma asking what the hell,where has she been (yes,the problem doesnt stop me from being rude)
she texts back saying "nower,i thot u wr busy"
First i feel all aww about the text which sounds exactly like how i would text,short form and all.and then i feel bad that she thought i was too busy to even find time for her!
I immedietly become "wholesome" again and call her.
Thats all.
So Amma and i talk almost every day. Sometimes she will annoy me,and i will threaten her with dire consequences and general yelling but as days goes by and the gap of having seen each other increases she is becoming more and more less focused on my many faults and more expressive about missing me which obviously am all thumbs up for.
Anyway i have told Amma to give me a missed call whenever she is free so that i can call her. which she almost always never does and when i call she will either be out,or in the loo,or watering plants or walking with the neighbours or watching a show!! (i know!),of course for the last she is always willing to shut the tv down.Anyway for a couple of days now i have been busy wt random things and weekend since A is home i end up not calling on weekends.
So today i realise its been almost 4 days of not talking to her or no texts nothing, With me,there is a problem,if i havent talked to a person for a bit,i cant quite talk again without first chatting over some other medium.so i text amma asking what the hell,where has she been (yes,the problem doesnt stop me from being rude)
she texts back saying "nower,i thot u wr busy"
First i feel all aww about the text which sounds exactly like how i would text,short form and all.and then i feel bad that she thought i was too busy to even find time for her!
I immedietly become "wholesome" again and call her.
Thats all.
Friday, September 3, 2010
Savings
So i love saving. I like it better in fact than splurging. It makes me so happy to see the big number when i get that piece of paper from the ATM. Also makes me nervous. But this actually is a childhood saving story which i half dreamed and half re remembered last night. Also since i seem to be hell bent on letting you people witness my sidey side,here goes.I realised i have an amazing defense mechanism when it comes to childhood stories.I supress them really well! I had to sit down and think hard to get the details right.
so here goes.
It was sports day in Adarsh where i studied ( where boi also studied btw) Boi senior by 4/5 years,boi house captain ( My Amma's favorite joke too, He is apparently now the real house captain) ha.ha.we'll see about that.
Anyway,so sports day and i used to be funnily enough excited about sports back then,this must std 6th,since i left in 7th. Now,I used to be part of Kho-Kho team and i used to audition ( for lack of a better word) for relays and the 100mtrs.I barely survived the relay,but 100Mtrs i would come in 2 or 3 in the auditions and in the finals i never ever made it anywhere.
So this year i decided to give my own pity parties a miss and to just walk around and eat all the good things that the food stalls had put up. I am pretty sure now that this is 6th because none of my "gang" appeared that day, we were now in that stage where we could actually consider not going to school events without worrying about consequences. I decided to go anyway,mainly cos i would be lectured if i sat at home about the value of group events and maybe even a acharya devo bhava lines,resp from each parent.
Here comes the saving part. So the stalls sold cutlets,samoosa, pazham poris and paripu vadda. All extreme favorites,even now. These btw are the yummiest 4pm snacks in the malayalee household.
Also comes with it "cool" drinks. In hindsight these cool drinks tasted pretty bad,not pepsi or coke,colorful drinks in un named bottles,i wonder how the school dint check that one out.
So all these items comes at a price of about 4 to 5rupees per item. Since Yours Truly has always had an extremely healthy appetite the chances are that she would need about 50 Bucks to feel good at the end of sports day.
I wasnt given any pocket money,except on "pikniks" so i tried asking but i was told to take lunch which made me pretty mad cos not only were these parent people not giving me any cash there were also spoiling all the fun food gobbling images i had built almost a week in my head by offering me rice,sambhar and beans with scrambled eggs. I do beleive i was tempted but not so much.
So i knew this would happen,since i had tried all this in advance a week ago. So with a week to go i started raiding Acha's pockets. I would save up 5 rupee coins or even 2 rupee coins,i remember giving the 1 rupee one's a miss, and one day i became daring and flicked ten whole rupees.All this i saved inside and old powder dabba.
The two rupee coins would buy me many many "sip up's" and the rest you know. In my saving-raiding-flicking excitement i guess i got a little carried away and ended up with 100 rupees. I would look at it with great happiness and come thursday with great sadness,cos now i dint want to spend my precious money.
Anyway Friday saw me walk around the stalls with my sip up and 99 rupee rich. There was this girl who wanted to be part of our "gang",Neenu i think. She was quite the whiny child with a distended stomach and gaps in teeth. Our gang wouldnt take her cos our leader lady had vetoed it and i had asked why because i thought bigger gangs were cooler :/
Apparently she had some lice problems. Anyway,this child comes up to me and asks me some questions,I am sitting under this tree watching the race and generally in the process of discovering the concept of Alone time and am not so happy with her questioning. She says something and all about her dad having built some new building and how they were rich now!
Sigh.
I am just about to ignore her when she says "I am going to go buy some cutlets. Do you want some?"
My ears perk up. "sure!why not, err you are paying right"
she nods her lice head vigorously,making me think twice but then the idea of keeping my 99 bucks all holed up and safe and warm makes me go. I am clearly an excellent negotiatior because she asks me what it will take for our group to take her in. I shake my head vaguely sipping the last bits of the slush,hands greasy and oily and say " i dont know neenu,i mean am not sure they even like you." she looks very sad. i feel bad.
But am full now and no longer want to stand next to the lice head,also images of Amma,a very mad one grabbing my long hair and going through it thoroughly pops up. I quickly make my exit.
i look back to see neenu make very determined steps in my direction. I hurry away!
The remaining of the morning was spend trying to avoid her! But she is smart child. She corners me near the loo and starts to half cry,i could barely understand what she was saying. Of course from the grand hand gestures and tears and even some saliva that landed on my face i figured she wanted her money back and that we as a group would pay at allah's hands.
Very well then. i ask how much cos people are watching now and i just want to get away from this scene and pretend it never happened! Neenu,the intelligent intuitive child,says 50 rupees. I wonder if ate that much and also wondered if am in fact paying for what she gobbled too. But more wailing convinces me nothing is worth this.
I hand over many coins,a few not so crisp and even a torn ten rupee note over and say "You know neenu this isnt quite fair,i mean after all this was your idea" she just hmmpphhgged and left.
So much for saving.
Ps: Recently Amma asks me,hey remember that time when you raided acha's pockets. i grunt. (oh yes,i told her.eventually)
Amma: how much was the max you took at any point?
Me: i dont want to say...
Amma: oh.
Me: carefully concentrating on tv.
Amma: was it 50?
Me: Amma,please.let.it.be!
Amma: 20?
Me: yeah. sure.20. Lower it further.
Amma: hmmm. 100!! really?
Me: er.. yeah.
Amma: My god!
Me: stop being such a fakester,i know you were thinking in triples of hundred. Drama queen.
Amma: eh
Me: cmon, lets just hug and show me some louw now :0
PPS: A little exaggerated but what the hell,right.
so here goes.
It was sports day in Adarsh where i studied ( where boi also studied btw) Boi senior by 4/5 years,boi house captain ( My Amma's favorite joke too, He is apparently now the real house captain) ha.ha.we'll see about that.
Anyway,so sports day and i used to be funnily enough excited about sports back then,this must std 6th,since i left in 7th. Now,I used to be part of Kho-Kho team and i used to audition ( for lack of a better word) for relays and the 100mtrs.I barely survived the relay,but 100Mtrs i would come in 2 or 3 in the auditions and in the finals i never ever made it anywhere.
So this year i decided to give my own pity parties a miss and to just walk around and eat all the good things that the food stalls had put up. I am pretty sure now that this is 6th because none of my "gang" appeared that day, we were now in that stage where we could actually consider not going to school events without worrying about consequences. I decided to go anyway,mainly cos i would be lectured if i sat at home about the value of group events and maybe even a acharya devo bhava lines,resp from each parent.
Here comes the saving part. So the stalls sold cutlets,samoosa, pazham poris and paripu vadda. All extreme favorites,even now. These btw are the yummiest 4pm snacks in the malayalee household.
Also comes with it "cool" drinks. In hindsight these cool drinks tasted pretty bad,not pepsi or coke,colorful drinks in un named bottles,i wonder how the school dint check that one out.
So all these items comes at a price of about 4 to 5rupees per item. Since Yours Truly has always had an extremely healthy appetite the chances are that she would need about 50 Bucks to feel good at the end of sports day.
I wasnt given any pocket money,except on "pikniks" so i tried asking but i was told to take lunch which made me pretty mad cos not only were these parent people not giving me any cash there were also spoiling all the fun food gobbling images i had built almost a week in my head by offering me rice,sambhar and beans with scrambled eggs. I do beleive i was tempted but not so much.
So i knew this would happen,since i had tried all this in advance a week ago. So with a week to go i started raiding Acha's pockets. I would save up 5 rupee coins or even 2 rupee coins,i remember giving the 1 rupee one's a miss, and one day i became daring and flicked ten whole rupees.All this i saved inside and old powder dabba.
The two rupee coins would buy me many many "sip up's" and the rest you know. In my saving-raiding-flicking excitement i guess i got a little carried away and ended up with 100 rupees. I would look at it with great happiness and come thursday with great sadness,cos now i dint want to spend my precious money.
Anyway Friday saw me walk around the stalls with my sip up and 99 rupee rich. There was this girl who wanted to be part of our "gang",Neenu i think. She was quite the whiny child with a distended stomach and gaps in teeth. Our gang wouldnt take her cos our leader lady had vetoed it and i had asked why because i thought bigger gangs were cooler :/
Apparently she had some lice problems. Anyway,this child comes up to me and asks me some questions,I am sitting under this tree watching the race and generally in the process of discovering the concept of Alone time and am not so happy with her questioning. She says something and all about her dad having built some new building and how they were rich now!
Sigh.
I am just about to ignore her when she says "I am going to go buy some cutlets. Do you want some?"
My ears perk up. "sure!why not, err you are paying right"
she nods her lice head vigorously,making me think twice but then the idea of keeping my 99 bucks all holed up and safe and warm makes me go. I am clearly an excellent negotiatior because she asks me what it will take for our group to take her in. I shake my head vaguely sipping the last bits of the slush,hands greasy and oily and say " i dont know neenu,i mean am not sure they even like you." she looks very sad. i feel bad.
But am full now and no longer want to stand next to the lice head,also images of Amma,a very mad one grabbing my long hair and going through it thoroughly pops up. I quickly make my exit.
i look back to see neenu make very determined steps in my direction. I hurry away!
The remaining of the morning was spend trying to avoid her! But she is smart child. She corners me near the loo and starts to half cry,i could barely understand what she was saying. Of course from the grand hand gestures and tears and even some saliva that landed on my face i figured she wanted her money back and that we as a group would pay at allah's hands.
Very well then. i ask how much cos people are watching now and i just want to get away from this scene and pretend it never happened! Neenu,the intelligent intuitive child,says 50 rupees. I wonder if ate that much and also wondered if am in fact paying for what she gobbled too. But more wailing convinces me nothing is worth this.
I hand over many coins,a few not so crisp and even a torn ten rupee note over and say "You know neenu this isnt quite fair,i mean after all this was your idea" she just hmmpphhgged and left.
So much for saving.
Ps: Recently Amma asks me,hey remember that time when you raided acha's pockets. i grunt. (oh yes,i told her.eventually)
Amma: how much was the max you took at any point?
Me: i dont want to say...
Amma: oh.
Me: carefully concentrating on tv.
Amma: was it 50?
Me: Amma,please.let.it.be!
Amma: 20?
Me: yeah. sure.20. Lower it further.
Amma: hmmm. 100!! really?
Me: er.. yeah.
Amma: My god!
Me: stop being such a fakester,i know you were thinking in triples of hundred. Drama queen.
Amma: eh
Me: cmon, lets just hug and show me some louw now :0
PPS: A little exaggerated but what the hell,right.
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