May Movies

L' Emploi du temps/ Time Out: Laurent Cantet ****

I had seen Vers le sud before by him and it was so well done primarily because of Charlotte Rampling who is brilliant but the story itself was complex and nuanced and treated the subject very well so I watched this and the strength of this one are the actors I suppose. I remember Leslie suggesting movies one day for us to watch. These were times when I was quite ignorant :/ and I completely missed the name of the director. He said, the story is something like what S would write. And I was both proud - without even knowing why- and flustered. Then I forgot to ask the name and I thought fine, I will ask tomorrow but the next day it seemed too odd. Anyway finally I was looking for something else when this popped up. And Leslie is probably right. It definitely is one of those delusional stories. Without giving anything away, I shall say that its the story of a man who loses his job but instead of looking for another one, convinces everyone around and eventually himself that he is employed. The actors are so well- cast! Esp the man's friends. There are certain types of people you meet, you know? Immediately warm and welcoming with a very open face? There is one guy who plays that role and oh so so well! I was also struck by how close the family is in the movie. The parents are so involved in everything including finances and they help out quite generously when asked. They are always coming over without even calling ahead. I know nothing about the french family system but I suppose it seemed more closer to home than I had expected. At least in this movie.


Story of a Love Affair: Michelangelo Antonioni ****

Very much a film noir made in 50's, grey and solemn both the movie settings and the story. A very rich business man decides to have his wife followed.
Paola is most definitely a social climber and the actor who played her was kind of the right pick but a bad actor! She clearly fit the role, very sociopathic, very much the enabler. Her lover, like in these case as it is usually, is one of those dull fellows. There is no chemistry between anyone, no love really, nothing at all. But people are all trying quite desperately for something nameless which I thoroughly enjoyed about the movie.


The Diary of a Chambermaid: Jean Renoir *** 1946

Actually I was looking for the other one without "The" in it but it wasn't available and this was and quite worth the watch. Celestine arrives as a chambermaid into a rural place at the Lanlaires. And she has vowed to herself to marry the "next man" to move up in life.
Her subsequent journey so to speak is comedy-fied and quite theatrical. She has dialogue on the lines of " No more love for Celestine! Oh I must write that down." And write it down she does in a big diary in slanting beautiful lettering. I found it on the whole amusing. All this happens of course in the backdrop of political shifts. The town itself is celebrating The Republic, the house is mourning, the maids and other help want to be allowed to go take part in the celebrations. The ruling class as to be expected is shown as cruel and contemptuous with a matriarch running everything and the men are depicted as either weak ( the son)  or caricatures ( the father) which on the whole worked for the film but I wonder how true it was that society at that time.

Detropia : **** Heidi Ewing

As the title suggests it is a documentary about Detroit with word play of either utopia/ dystopia. The film opens with shots of a eerie ghostlike town where a house is being torn down. Foreclosures.
I actually liked this a lot. It has no narrative, no structure, it simply shows lives in Detroit from different angles. One from the leader of the trade union, a video blogger, an artist who moved there for the cheap living, a pub owner.
The movie follows as the leader takes us through the now shut plants and other facilities that have moved operations elsewhere, Mexico being one of them. The fact that the film doesn't make a point has kind of been criticized but what can possibly be said? The movie has a scene where the workers are being told the different wage cuts that they have to take. From 14.35 to 11 $ an hour. They react. They say they will take the fight till the end. But the end is already here or even gone past them. I wondered if the movie was making a point about unrealistic expectations and then cuts to a team of young men who raid buildings for scrap and sell it, apparently in their words, to "China so that they can build more crap with it and send it back to us."
Sometimes it did feel a little one sided, entirely made to elicit sympathy for the workers, but I wouldn't necessarily call that a weakness.
I did however find the artist duo disgusting. So parasitical somehow with their "avant-garde" street performances extremely annoying and in poor taste. But that's just me. Maybe some kind of larger picture if being conveyed but I didn't get it.

Walking With Monsters (Life Before Dinosaurs) : narrated by Kenneth Branagh ****

Is a 3 part documentary series and I totally geeked out on it.

It shows all the evolutionary magic, the arthropods, the amphibians and reptiles changing and adjusting as the surface of the planet changes. I think actually this would be great for kids just beginning to learn about earth and animals and stuff.

Shoeshine: Vittorio De Sica,1946

Just like the other one from him, The Bicycle Thief, this one is also set in post war Rome, scrounging for food and other necessities. This one however follows two boys who somehow end up in juvenile jail full of other petty criminals aka young boys. I was so struck by how much I loved all those little boys because I am really a little girl person. I read up a little about it and it turns out that the movie was inspired by a magazine photo of two shoeshine boys who were then interviewed but the director decided not to use them because they were "too ugly". I found this kind of amusing! So much for realism, huh? But all that not withstanding this is so wonderful and heart breaking. The boys are so quick and full of lines that made me laugh despite their predicaments.

OTHER CRAP:

Shop Girl: Steve Martin, Clarie Danes. Meh. Why Claire?Why?

What to Expect When You are Expecting: Oh Lord. SO STUPID. And calls itself a comedy? Did you see me laughing?

Pretty In Pink: :) Always pleasant to watch. I love 80's high school movies. Oh the hair, oh the clothes!

Girl In Progress: :/ Yeah all right, Eva Mendes, hot as always.

Star Trek: Hello Hollywood.

Zero Dark Thirty: I told the husband this is going to be so bad but of course he wouldn't listen and then he slept through most of it.

Borderline Issues

I don't have OCD and people who often claim it for themselves are usually not exactly OCD. If you really know what it entails you probably wouldn't call yourself an OCD person. But I have borderline issues. For e.g. I am doing this one month green smoothie challenge! :/ Yeah. I started quite unhappily mainly because I had put on a few pounds in the last one year so I just started running and gym again so I figured why not! But I love the smoothies as it turns out. They are so green and fresh! You basically mix a bunch of greens with fruits and almond milk/ water and honey if you want to sweeten it and drink it. Its quite detoxifying too. Obviously you got to exercise it out too and I have lost two pounds in 16 days which isn't so bad. Although it also involves lesser portion sizes which I pretend I can't see. I can only do so much!!

But the problem is that the greens are all cruciferous and not good exactly for folks with thyroid issues. I don't have thyroid issues actually but I remember being borderline on one of the T3 T4 TSH tests from two years ago. I just can't remember which one! But it resolved by itself. But now I want to drink these smoothies and keep running till I hit the dream weight but the goitrogen part is making me very nervous. I am running yesterday and suddenly I feel like I am swallowing funny and I cant stop feeling for my throat and I am running with one hand one my throat and gulping because the physician used to do that to check something thyroid related. Of course I have no idea what I am doing but I am doing it anyway. And this goes on for a while so I tell myself to calm down and I have to stop. I sit at a bench for a minutes and try not to think at all. Then I am just so tired and I run all the thyroid related info I have in my head slowly. And by the time I get back I feel a little better but I read up anyway. I store some bullet points in my file :/ and check in the mirror to see if my throat is moving funny with swallowing. I mostly feel stupid because it is stupid. It is. Its just I cant help it. Because sometime it goes on a roll like yesterday after thyroid I have to check for Rheumatoid Arthritis and then I go on NIH and read all about Vit D deficiencies and what I could eat to make up.
Amma says its because I don't have anything better to do :/ Thanks, Amma.

But I guess it could be true. If I was truly busy would I have time to worry about all this? Maybe not. Although when I was truly busy I still found time! So there is that. I definitely feel like I am short on Iodine. Can one feel such things? There are obviously symptoms but they are all so bloody vague. And usually you know, you feel like you have it all. Tired? Fatigued? Nervous? Blah blah. Everyone feels all that. People always laugh at Internet doctoring and I get it. Its fine, laugh away. I just have to do what I have to do.

Girls

So as promised earlier this is the post on the new-er girls I met. I was in two minds by mid saturday afternoon about going for the thing because I felt convinced that the thing wouldn't be worth anything. Plus A had clothes shopping and by the time I dragged back home it was time to leave again. And I was irritated that dinner was at 6! I mean who has dinner at 6! I had lunch at 3 so all together I did not want to meet anyone plus the directions to the place seemed sketchy but the husband figured it all out and texted it to me so there weren't many more excuses to make and also I hate being that person who RSVP's and cancels last minute. And well, I am so glad I went! 

It seemed a little comical how quickly everything during dinner became about dating/boys/getting married. I mean I have no right to say this because I am sitting on the other side of the fence. Most of them were in their mid 30's and working which I was duly jealous of. Most of them had terrible dating stories. There was a couple of girls who had been swindled for the green card and then divorced! The girl who had almost gotten engaged before the guy disappeared altogether leaving her to explain to her parents. The girl who caught a flight to see someone she met online who took her to an Amway meeting! It was all rather frightening. But they were all such good sports and full of life. Which was a lot of fun to be around. I didn't feel left out at all with my lack of job situation. I had completely forgotten my who-eats-dinner-early woes and I stuffed myself with a huge bowl of lentil and ham soup and forgot my no drinking rule and had martinis and soon we sat there so long, we missed the movie! Then we headed off to someone's apartment, who lived very close by.

The other thing that struck me from what they said was how they all seemed to want to marry Desi boys! I couldn't help wonder why! The lady who was divorced said that she just couldn't handle the culture clash anymore and she wanted someone who could sit down with her parents and have a long chat amongst other things. Of course I realize that every desire springs from some personal experience but it was amazing to hear the stories that are apparently going on in the suburbs where there is a huge indian-american population where the men:women ratio is skewed and apparently there is a lot of push and pull happening in the dating scene! 

And so many of them are on shaadi.com! Lord! I kept thinking I escaped all that from India and is this what is happening here! But then again why am I suprised! Ultimately people just want to be with someone they can really have a conversation with and if they want Desis, then they want Desis! I hope it works out for them. 

The last thing before I forget. I have been having horrid baby angst. Like I have baby dreams all the time. I think its beyond my control or something now. Like some kind of hormonal thing maybe to do with age! I have no idea. And I have a very strong feeling its not going to happen for me. And there was this girl who I got along very well with and soon it was just me and her talking and she said, you know I think I am going to miss my window with the whole married-baby deal. But I love kids so much, I have been looking into adoption. And I felt this huge relief  That at least I could be surrounded by people who I can actually talk to. And I could have hugged- well, eventually I did. But yeah.

I am grateful if I have a child- I will be super grateful. But I am also in two minds about all the infertility treatments people go through. I have seen first hand all the effects of the hormones on your body by the time you hit your late forties. Will I do that? I dont know. I have too much paranoia to inject so much stuff into my body and then who knows if it will even be successful.

Anyway I guess I am glad I stepped out.

Two Girls, Fat and Thin

Mary Gaitskill.

I consider Gaitskill, Messud, Morrison et al kind of like patricians of literature. They have this aura I suppose of being up on a level entirely unreachable. I would have put Atwood too in the list but I sometimes find her a little goofy. But Gaitskill has this sort of coldness I think which for me reflects in her books too. I remember reading Veronica, again a book about two women and the relationship between them. Two Girls, Fat and Thin likewise is about, well, two girls- fat & thin.
The structure is what attracted me at first, the way you she has two parallel narratives and then at the end of each you pick up a strand from the previous. And this is hard to do because each narrative belongs to each girl. So she uses first person for Dorothy and third for Justine. And this works very well because the "I" is so vivid in its descriptions that there is never any crosstalk confusion.

Do you ever wish sometimes when you climb on a bus and find a decent seat for the journey to not end? That you could just sit for a long while on that bus and look outside? This is my favorite feeling while book reading and with a good book I always feel like "close the book, close it, save it for later!"
My other favorite comparison is in movies when the lady who lives alone finishes up her work and slowly walks home, opens door and nudges off shoes and finds her cat because dogs probably would be waiting anyway and then checks fridge, makes a sensible meal ( never junk food) and watches t.v and sleeps in a tidily made bed with flower printed sheets and comfortable pillows and a soft comforter while wearing socks and reads a while in bed and then turns off her light and sits for a minute before lying down and pulling the comforter up. Why on earth would I like this rather done and sad scene?  I dont know. Maybe it relays some kind of self-sufficiency which I hugely lack now a days. I think the latest I saw of this kind is  of Claire Danes in a meh movie and I do love her so much and I wanted her to find love etc but mostly I just wanted to see her come home. So this is other scenario that I link with a good book. A slowness to everything.

This book in all its terrifying sadness makes me feel blessed. What is the point of reading a book? Emotionally that is. Sometimes for me it is to relate, sometimes to gloat, to feel better, to take comfort in ugliness but most often it is to make sense of humans and any time I come across some kind of human kindess it both upsets and relieves me. Which is why this book is so perfect. They are all so deformed and incapable and so familiar. I have been reading it for a whole week now and that is a long time for a book.

The other interesting thing and this is quite awesome- it parodies Ayn Rand! Thank you! Its not objectivism here but she calls it "Definitism" but you can tell. The name is Anna Granite! And how Dorothy joins her cult. I have often thought about how it is possible to wind up completely alone in life. Where does everyone you know go? Toward the middle of this book, I felt more convinced about isolation. Its such a natural progression for these characters that you don't even question it.
Yes, it's also about family screwing your life but it would be too pat to describe it as a dysfunctional family story.

You know how they tell you this bullshit rule in school? Make likeable characters? What does that even mean? If you do know what it means, good but Gaitskill does such a good job of immensely sorry characters but never vitcim-ish but strong in-spite of it all and still likeable! Quite amazing! You want these two to march on and live and thrive etc although its probably never going to be that bright. I have fifty pages to go but I dont want it to end.

Happy Feet

I have been meaning to post this photo.

It's not a very good photo but this is my running stretch as of a few days only. I am so so super grateful to A for forcing me to get outside and give up the treadmill!

You have to run a bit before you get to the lake shore but the minute you start this path you feel invincible! I woke up today at five and I thought about this and felt happy! How odd! I am seriously your couch meets ass meets happiness person but I drag myself quite unhappily to the gym but this! This is actually making me want to run and my pace is improving and I can run longer stretches maybe someday soon well, not soon, maybe soonly I can actually keep up with A.

Who are your friends?

Making friends I have always found more hard than say, dating! Meeting a man somehow has always seemed a hundred times easier than a potential friend. Is it odd to use the term 'best friend' after a certain age? Should I go with "close friend"? My close best friend :D and I have been together for almost ten years now which isn't that long but long enough. How did I become friends with her? Recently my husband asked and I just couldn't remember an exact moment. It almost seems like we just suddenly floated into each others arms one fine morning. I dont know.  I don't remember talking to her at all my first year of college. I saw her now and then and thought "uff such jaada" Malayalam speak for " arrogant thing".

 You know how couples start to say similar things and kind of ending up wearing similar clothes sometimes? Well, at least A and I end up doing that. Stripes on the same day, same white shirt and sweater combos. I think my friend and I are beginning to look quite similar with our same grinning techniques and speech patterns. Its comforting.

A always says the reason I don't make new friends easy is because in the back of my  mind there is always, ah it's fine, I already have the people I need. I chat with her, Tash and M everyday on Whatsapp in the mornings and I know everything that happens with them and if I need a moment to whine/cry/ share photos they are right there. And now that she, P, is here a flight/ a long train ride away I suppose I do slack of in making new friends.

But to my credit, I tried and I liked some of the people so far. But I must say that I can no longer tolerate certain kinds of people and have absolutely no patience to try and see over and beyond the annoying traits. I just don't see the need for it.

Recently I met a few people. They are absolutely sweet and I can get along if I make myself a tiny teeny bit different. As in I am most definitely oozing my Malayaliness but what being with them asks for is a more 'Indian" version of me, one that can easily speak Hindi and can Bollywood speak neither of which I am particularly good at it. But that's all right. When someone is kind of on my wave length I can try. What I am finding slightly difficult is the kind of very ignorant racist things they say. For e.g they are all south indians and there were comments about "those bengalis" and "chinese people will eat anything! Disgusting!" and other similar veins.
I just cant, I think. I don't want to have that conversation and I dont want to feel guilty about not having that conversation. Seriously, where are my future book reading, sangria loving, decent movie watching,  14min a mile running ( :D ) 5K aspiring, scrabble playing, dog owning, cheap food loving, even hipstery- I don't mind this group much- friends! Where I ask!
I am not even asking for Malayalees! Come on!

I am meeting a whole bunch this weekend for movie drinks etc and my poor tired heart just hopes that I meet one, ONE person in a large group that I can potentially be good biddies with. Okay so more on that soon.

Reflecting for no reason

The thing is I have a great marriage. I feel somehow like an odd duck saying that. Almost like I shouldn't say it out aloud. Not because I will jinx it, I have no such fears but only because people might think me an assehole for announcing it. But all that said, I have a great marriage. You know what I think makes it amazing? Apart from the expected love, honesty, affection, best -friend, good sex, sometimes amazing sex, blah blah. I think it's a  mix of intuition on both our parts and paying attention. Can they be acquired? sure. But it has to be a little innate quality too.
I was watching "Take this Waltz" and then started writing this. Here is a quick review to check out.
Initially the movie annoyed me quite a bit. Not just that I have a dislike for Michelle Williams and esp with her playing this quirky thing. Also: why does all eccentric quirky people have to be aspiring writers! Stop it movie makers!. It was like she was trying too hard to be "restless, noticed, and to stand apart" from the rest. And also: who knew Seth Rogen could play the goofy sweet husband role?
But then as it moved on I found myself smiling a little. You know these things you do with your husband/ partner? The cute things? Or the little personal secret games? The startle him in the shower? Hide and jump from corners? Tickle his belly? Tie his hair? Repeat his sentences? Ask him, hmm? hm? till he realizes you are fooling him? Making him certificates for best sex night? This is the best movie I have seen which shows this couple life thing and it's done quite adorably. People are so similar  Yes, I dont need a movie to tell me that but I have a feeling so many of these games are so common.
Anyhow Michelle eventually feels attracted to someone else and fights it admirably. Without cliches. The only sex she has is virtual with this guy describing what he would do to her in a cafe. And believe me, this guy delivered the dialogue so well, even I got hot and bothered.

It made me think how is it possible that sometime during the entire life together you will meet someone else you could possibly be attracted to. Isn't it horrible if you are in some rut at that point too and suddenly this option will seem the best thing that could happen to you? These two have been married five years. Five years is nothing. Is that why people have babies? Do babies make you inseparably close? Do babies help cement things better? Isn't virtual sex cheating?

Which is why I will go back to my first statement. I have a great guy. He notices everything. And while that sounds kind of annoying/ alarming it isn't. There is a scene in the movie where they go out on their anniversary. In fact the guy who she is attracted to, who btw pulls a rickshaw takes them there. So they are sitting eating dessert. Seth and Michelle. Its quiet around with just the low hum of chatter. He slurps a little on his spoon. She says, how are you? what is happening. Talk to me.
And he says, all good, what, why?
And she says, well, then ask me how I am doing?
and he says, I know how are you doing. Why should we talk about it?
and she, then why did we come to dinner?
He says, to enjoy good food. I am not going to talk just because you want to feel like you are having a conversation.

Now I realize after writing it that he comes across a little dickish. But he really isn't. He is doing what they have always done probably. But then he doesn't notice the quiet way she pulls back.  And i wonder if that is a product of the years going by. Do people just stop noticing? Even people who are initially good at it, who notice signals. Is that enough of a reason to cheat on them? I don't think so. But
I suppose it happens. But to try and change things would mean to first admitting things are not going well to yourself and then to whoever. Which means having that talk. Which is probably hard esp if the other person has been ambling along content how things are. Which means they are going to be surprised. Which means.. What does it mean? I guess what I mean is there is no reason to assume that " non-cheating" comes with the whole getting married deal. Only the truly deserving ought to get it. Michelle is in the other guy's bed and I suppose on the verge of deciding and she starts crying and says, I can't hurt him.

You see? That is a kind of thing you earn.  I mean yes, she is in another bed crying, fair enough but that's a different issue born out of other things too. Like her own issues. But that split second decision to not act on your impulses has to be deserving of all the effort your partner has put in over the years, all the difficult things you helped him/ her through. So I think even if A stops noticing a little, I think I will prefer nudging him first before anything else because if there is someone who truly deserves my little love, it's him. While I feel a little bad saying this and you might even wonder if this is possible, I do believe he is the person who loves me the most. Which is hard because parents, you know, are supposed to do the unconditional.


I hope I always notice, I hope I pay attention.