About Being Married

Here is something that is beginning to bother me.

When I decided to get married to A, everyone I knew was either a) glad or b) relieved or c) mildly suspicious or D) This is a mistake you are making, AGAIN!!
 It was all: you barely know him! Yeah, you do? How long? How long do you know him? Who knows what he is even really like! ( my dad!) Some of these NRI boys probably have other girlfriends on the side and you know do online chatting also for time pass!

From THAT, we moved to: Oh A, isn't he just wonderful! Aren't you just so lucky! Oh so romantic. Nah, you can't possibly be bugged about that!! I mean look at him!
No, don't tell me anything, he is your husband and you should just be thankful that you found HIM after all the losers. What is the matter with you complaining about the silliest things?

And so on.

Now I have mostly no issues with A and we get along fabulously and although my mother seems to think that I should be 'grateful' :/ I am mostly just happy to have found him. Although I suppose I was a little grateful for which I am a little ashamed some days. It's now three years, and I am comfortable with who I am etc or almost comfortable. But before this if my mum said that I should be grateful because he is so wonderful and kind and that I almost didn't deserve this for myself. Why? Why is that. Well, let's not open that bag but she and my father kind of hints that I am this very difficult person to be married to and that they are always so surprised that no "adi pidi" has happened.
I am not sure where this idea occurred to them of me being difficult. I suppose I should quiz them a little but I know it will end with me in tears.
Once they literally were laughing at some story of ours and then my dad said, God, A, I don't know how you do it.
and although I smiled, it definitely stung.

So I thought a little about what could possibly be so wrong with me according to them.
It could be that I am lazy. I prefer to lay around somewhere and read a book. or I kind of don't like exercising ( :/) or that I seem to have no job ambitions. I can't think of anymore reasons.

Yesterday when I was talking to Amma, she says: So what are your plans now? and before I could say: finish my novel? she said: Do you want to just sit at home and waste your life being a housewife? How are you going to live on one income? For now, A and his mother won't say anything but soon they will also wonder what is the matter with you.

Obviously I didn't bring up novel. But this stings. Fucking painfully. Yes, I am probably stupid for doing this but I am only 26. Just give me one fucking year to do this. Okay one and a half. but no. I should have the baby and do the Phd and be a Prof. somehow all together. But most importantly I shouldn't be a burden.

Now normally I can handle these things but I had just had a fight with A on something similar about a story and yes, I was wrong to have asked him to read in between his coding or whatever and I am sorry but he responded curtly and I was already so jittery. I don't know.

There is no complaining about him to anyone. I admit most days/ almost all days it's great being married to him. There is no reason to whine. But he does screw up, you know. Yes, on a smaller scale but he does. But no one wants to hear it because overall he is so wonderful that these little ones should always be overlooked. There is no complaining even to my friends. The response is always: oh give him a break. Don't sit on his head. Don't boss him, it's no big deal!

I don't boss him. I don't do any of these things. I do fight with him sometimes and that might look silly to others and it might be: 'the things people expect in a committed relationship' but I would like to be able to tell someone, sometime about one fucking complaint that I have. Is that too much to ask?

Eventually I thought of how I do behave to him. I don't need to know what he is up to unless he wants to tell me, I don't mind him going out to movies with a girl or hanging out with women till anytime in the night, I don't need to talk everyday and so on.
but the it occurred to me that these traits are probably of value only if A on his part wants his space. What if he prefers to talk? what if he prefers to tell me the things he has been unto? The same things that I put in my pros column could be his cons for me.

Actually I realized this a while ago and so I said you know, just because I am not a phone person doesn't mean you can't call. Please do call whenever you wish and so he does now.

I don't know. Sometimes I just detest this equation where no one can possibly understand why the fuck I have to even complain.

My hospital tales

So on A's birthday, I got an appendectomy. I mean I did tell him, I wished that we could be together for his bday, but not like this!

So on 29th morning I woke up around 7 with a solid belly ache which did not feel like period pain. I went upstairs and kept waiting for it to pass but it wouldn't. After a few hours of suffering, I gave in and my housemate drove me to the hospital. I worried a little about insurance. Although I have an insurance card, all I knew is that, someone would pay for something. But the pain got progressively worse so I didn't have to think much about that one.

At the hospital, which is close to where we live, my room mate kept me company while I was nauseous in the ER and throwing up. I had to put my fingers in, for that would keep me sane for a little while.
I am just a little depressed that she had to see that! Anyway, I got this kinda hyper doc, who was sort of all over the place. They finally gave me some pain meds and I calmed down. Took an ultra sound and we concluded that  my ovaries and uterus are all A plus. And then someone brought up Appendicitis but my symptoms weren't in line with normal appendix ailments.

The pain meds made me all sleepy and I didn't have my phone and so I called A from my room mates phone and then the doctor said that I have a slight cervical infection and gave me some Oxycodin and send me home. All is well that day. I have a pain tablet and one infection ridding tablet at night.
By next day early morning, we are back in business. Same routine.
She drives me, I check in, they ask me my bday, I whine and cry and throw up, doc comes--different and older man who was fairly sweet. This time we do a more invasive ultra sound and conclude that it is indeed appendicitis. You couldn't have done that yesterday.

They schedule me for surgery for that night. Everything is moving too fast for me. A said he will come and I say, don't. I can easily manage. PAH. what was I even thinking. There was no way I could have remotely imagined what was in store for me. A booked tickets. In the ER, they come and tell me that surgery is at 6, its five now, but there is a man outside with chemical spilled in his eye, so can we please wheel your bed out into the hall. :/ I say, well, since man with chemical in eye is clearly in more pain, sure, go ahead, but give me pain meds, so that I can sleep in this hall place. Which they do.

All I remember is an oxygen mask being placed and then waking up in a room and talk about A's timing! I open my eyes and he is walking. Its all so dream-like, guys! And then I pass out again and when I wake up, he aint there and I wonder if I imagined him but then I see his luggage near the door. Again, all is well.
More throwing up but fell asleep finally. Next day, had stew for lunch and my room mate picked us up and by night we are home.

That was tuesday. A plans to leave that following Monday or Tuesday after taking me to class for a day.
On Saturday, A and my room mate go shopping. They go to Indian store, there is a Dosa Factory here, they get food and come back. We have lunch and I am a little uncomfortable from gas and other related ailments but I try and fall asleep. By night, I feel a little better. By three o clock,Sunday morning, I am up in such MISERABLE FUCKING SHITTY PAIN that I HAVE NEVER EXPERIENCED IN MY FUCKING SHITTY LIFE EVER EVER AND WILL PROBABLY NEVER EXPERIENCE AGAIN FUCK THAT WAS PAINFUCKINFUL.

A doesn't let me put my fingers in and puke, so I try to beat him.
By six, I have given up. My room mate drives us back to the ER. DYU guys see a fucking pattern here.
Anyway. Oh I also managed to lose my driving license the last time I was there-- just some information.
Back in the ER, they tell me that I am full of shit. Really. Constipated out till my brains probably. and thus begins my five day misery journey. They give me this pill thing, shoved up ass so that I can take a good shit. Y'all don't need this image, I know. but TAKE IT. I am even caps locking it.
and when that doesn't work, they give me enemas. Do you want me to tell how wonderful an enema is? Perhaps not.

The pain just gets worse and no one knows why. except for the shit part, which shouldn't ideally do this much damage. I am vomitting every ten minutes. They stop the pain meds, because that's just worsening the constipation. By night, I am down. They try to insert a tube in my nose so that they can drain the fluid in my stomach but the doc doesn't do it properly or my throat is fucked from the vomiting so all that ends up is in more blood.

They move me to a room where they inject and pump me full of nausea medicine which despite me telling them doesn't work, they continue. I am in this room for three days straight being enemead and vomitting. Lost 12 pounds. Blood and bile. Throat bled. Finally on Thursday I started to cry so much that they brought in  GI Doc who asked me to stand up and hug her. I don't know how that helped. Seriously. They moved me to Internal Medicine on Thursday, stopped all meds except a sleeping pill and waited. Friday morning I was all right. No puking.

Put me on a BRAT diet. and Friday we went home. Except for nightmares--in one of which I dreamt that my heart stopped and I was frantically calling out for A, asking him if my heart just stopped and revived itself.

The reasons are many. First they think it might have been an stomach infection that lead to pseudo appendicitis syndrome or chrones disease. They can't do a colonoscopy but I will have to schedule it soon.
I can tell you honestly I have never been more tired ever in my life.

PS: My husband is the best. End.

Food and Feminism

Sometimes Anoop annoys me by saying how he married me for the food! A small itsy bitsy part of me is glad but mostly I just get irritated. Now that we are in LDR, and he is busy as hell and when he texts saying he had chore-payar and tuna for dinner, I feel really bad. I keep thinking this right here is the time he probably needs me the most. To not come home to an empty house and eat sad food although canned tuna isn't so bad but you know what I mean.
and then I think the whole- he-survived-till-27? without you and your food argument and I am consoled but only a little.

I love being thoughtful, I love remembering things and surprising people but I also know how a large part of that is just so I can feel good about it myself. but being with A is the first time, I have worried so much about another person without thinking whats in it for me.

A large part of my let-me-take-care of everything, EVERYTHING in the kitchen-mostly! probably comes from Amma and Ammama. Ammama esp ran a large house where people dropped in all the time without any warning. Achachan would bring home people for lunch and by the time she fed all those people, she would have to lay out all the pots and pans again. Amma says, Ammama genuinely enjoyed this, this being the soul of everything and feeling good about getting things done. Amma again wouldn't grudge food to anyone. She hated it when I took my anger out and punishing her by not eating- which btw in my books is the worst punishment I can inflict because its fucking torture and if I say no, then it probably meant I am really upset.

I love cooking and esp for people. When praised I feel good but also a little cringey. I will probably never stop doubting about the quality of the meal even if it tastes heavenly to me. I worry incessantly if people are liking it, which is kind of sad, because then I don't enjoy the evening or the the conversation. I am slowly unlearning this habit.

Two Years

Boi and I celebrated two years on christmas at my place with my housemate. We cooked a Moroccan baked chicken- Picture if I remember later.
My housemate got us gifts too! Which was so endearing and also a little embarrassing because I hate being surprised like that and I also feel odd if we are receiving gifts with nothing to return but I have to say her gifts were so thoughtful. I had once mentioned long back how much I loved those danish biscuits that come in these dab bas, which my uncle in the dufai used to bring and how lakshmi chichi would ration it out as biscuit, one day for one kid. and she got me silk warmers. They are so comfy, cosy, warmness and she got Anoop a sweatshirt. I consoled myself with the fact that I had remembered her bday and gotten her a Boston Cream Pie. I thought when I got the cake that we would sing or at least light a candle. But umm she was excited that she straight a way cut it up and her weird friend who I do not like was home, so I didn't know what to do.

Boi left today after three weeks of togetherness, happiness, eatingness etc. I miss him terribly. We were driving him to the Airport and I was so tempted to go to Bloomington with him. Go run and get a ticket, I had clothes and brush and panties and boots. what more do I need? But I didn't. I haven't got an ounce of work done. not even looked at any of the documents I have half-assedly saved with titles I think are fancy. I have also got teaching coming up and so far I have only 7kids registered. I hope I don't scare these kids away. I bought some lovely sweaters and a pair of cheap boots. I ate so much and my weight is a solid 142 pounds. :/ I am looking at pictures from the holiday and wishing I had gone off with him. Our Anniv gifts for each other were simple and sweet. He got me a membership to the Coolidge Corner theatre which is so awesome because now I can see these movies for 6$ and I got him a school bag cum gym bag. It had this red cross thing on it and I had a dumb moment where I thought it was from red cross. :/ But noo, it was Swiss something. My gift was a cool gift too, then.

We spent the new years with this delicious Mutton Biriyani cooked by aunt and watched the ball drop and then slept at a respectable hour. Yes. Fun times- no seriously, no sarcasm there. The week from then was a cook-off sorts. I made chill chicken and egg fried rice, uncle made a duck and sausage casserole, A made a thai beef curry and mushroom something, aunty made other assorted things. wine, and cranberry vodkas and uncle got me a pack of Lucky Strikes from his Germany trip. Heh, that was a good moment. I sort of think of them as my in-laws, since I end up talking and seeing them more, and it was kind of funny to think of my father in law getting me smokes. :)

The house is empty. E is playing music somewhere up. AB has gone off to work. I have a movie to watch and a book to read. I have a story to write and a syllabus to plan. and as first step towards hard hard work, I have taken myself off FB for I think the gajjilionth time. Tonight I will probably open the draft one and read. Depressing even thinking about it. One should not be given holidays during grad school. one does not utilize them well.

Leaving boi at home

Leaving boi alone here seems such a tedious task. What a wrong word to use, I make him sound like a problem which he absolutely is not. Boi happens to be very self sufficient and more or less happy on his own. But in this one year of living together I think boi has been spoiled. A bit. He will spring back to the alone life quickly and adjust but yet the thought of him coming home to an empty house is more hurtful to me than maybe its to him.

Getting attached to someone, the open your soul attached has been not easy at all. Its been a slow, tentative process. You know sort of testing the waters. First I introduced the boi to the nice-normal me so that he wont immediately bolt, then when he was comfy I showed him some maniacal moods but I guess I explained them too when I was over it. Then I told boi of all the creepy exe's and horrid situations I had gotten myself into.

Everything including trusting him has been a long process and boi's responses though sometimes hurt me, long back, I realise those were just instantaneous reactions. They were never meant to hurt, really, he was just stumbling around processing it maybe. Boi's only rule about anger was that I dont hit or smash anything which I can do. Cos my way of dealing with anger is more of silence and coldness and other irrational behavior. I think I do most damage with words. But somehow over years we have learned to not  hit each other where it hurts most.

The naively trusting me, there used to be one of those, who literally used to say- look here is my heart,why dont you come and do a nice merry dance over it, oh, no thats ok, feel free to smash it. I will bounce back.

That idiot me is long gone but its scary to realize how easily I can be that person again. If I hadn't gotten married at 24 like I did, I might not have for a long while. Or this man hadn't happened I might still have been that cynical person who was content to be told by strangers who barely knew or understood her that they loved her.

Leaving boi behind is hard. Maybe just this first time. On a lighter note, I am making him around 7 curries so that he doesnt have to do anything for  a week or more. Like I mentioned he is perfectly capable of feeding himself but some kind of weird guilt is making me go into crazy cook HG mode. Or maybe I do really believe that food makes everything better.

Picking sides

I love me the best. Or at least i used to. I would pretty much pick me in any horrid situation. For many reasons which i wont get into because that would involve describing said situations which would make you all look at me in horror. ok so. Its the oddest feeling that i now love boi the best. From 2008 to now we have been together and from 2006 to 2008 we have been friends and i went from liking to finding him ridiculously funny and then adorable and cute to love and lust and friend and back to liking and all ranges of emotions. so its with quite a bit of trepidation, is the word i am looking for perhaps? that i realize that out of everyone and everything around i love boi the best and the most.

Its not that odd, only a little. Because I have always conditioned myself to believe that only parents can love you like that. Despite all faults, all failures and other monumental huffs and puffs only they can stick around. and in my case to a certain its true but i sense this feeling, that no one has quite loved me like the way boi does. I dont know if i could explain it. I probably would just come off looking silly so not attempting it. and also terribly selfish perhaps for i dont know picking sides!

That is all from the mush pot for today. 

An Art

Then

Because then fighting was an art, one that you pursued actively, giving it your all each time it happened. You picked them out neatly and carefully, chose your moments, planting words in the other persons mouth and then shooting accusing dagger looks when they spilt them out, the confusion in their eyes spurring you on.
Then you fought because you wanted to win and you won. Because you didn't give a shit about the person. You told yourself maintain eye contact, stare hard, dont fumble, sometimes you even practised them prior. Yes, you were sick like that. Twisted in pleasure.

Your spine upright, very aware of the hair standing upright on the back of your neck. Obscene words, each one landing where it hurts.Glee, terrifying glee that accompanied their defeat. You almost never lost a fight. You picked on them more when they finally, in an last attempt, a last resort told you- Why are you like this. I love you.

The disgust in your eyes that someone would use those words to win a fight. Yes you were sick enough to think that there was no other reason they would say that. That they might actually be in love with you, never once crossed your mind. You were so held up in building up the barricades.

They looked to you like wilting flowers. Flowers that were so beautiful  but alas grew in places where no one ever visited, they bloomed regularly hoping this time someone would notice the way the suns rays caught their petals, wishing for a photographer to capture the morning dew drip off in a single drop. A beautiful pearl drop. They grew sometimes on the downside of dangerous cliffs. Places where you never see them, unless of course you were on a suicide mission and you were jump off this cliff. And as you went down, you glanced at them. In that moment you wished for your feet to be planted right on earth and not tumbling through air, hurling downwards, spiralling out of control. In that moment you wished you hadn't jumped, you wished you had stuck on and tried harder but the truth is. You did not.

Now

Now you have lost the will to fight.In fact you want to avoid it as much as possible. Because when you hurt him, you end up hurting more. Its pointless you know. Nothing is worth the defeat in his eyes.Even then the old flame that you have quelled, torches up sometimes. In unpredictable moments it flames up. But you kill it slowly.slowly you let it die. You are no longer that person and he isnt just any other guy.

Well, there you go.

My Big Bday Boi

So my boi turns thirty and is little sad. I tell boi il join him there soon enough but clearly thats no way to cheer him up. So boi gets payasam one today. Dinner with friends tomorrow. and on sunday breakfast at his kinda favorite place and then boi,his best friend type person and his wife will hit the strip club. where boi will be brought some lap dances and will get drunk enough to forget the terrible thirty for some time. and we will conclude this with payasam two-his favorite kind which sadly i dont have at home right now. :/

ps: i dont think i would really care if i turned thirty. really. as long as i have me a kid and i am writing and i have some parts of my plans in place.

Allright more after the weekend.

Anniversary

So coming Christmas we will have been married for a year. So this is my anniversary post.
If boi hadn't happened just in time, i know i would have had an arranged marriage. Mainly because almost everyone including me was getting tired of the kind of "specimens"-THIS is me being not rude,I kept showing up with. My parents finally declared me incapable of this and took over. A and i were still just talking about the weather and dogs then. I was kinda hoping he would say something, but he also made it plenty obvious that he needed time, I had to be as patient as it comes. We had much corny-cheesy moments. I was once with friends in this place and they had these table mats with mushy phrases. One of them being something like this " Life is a bowl of warm mushy cereal on sunny mornings" or so. :/
For some unspeakable,unfathomable reason i send him this. I guess he should have packed and run to Russia then, instead he said "will you add the sugar?" :/
I said "yes, will you stir it?" He said : " Will you make sure it doesnt turn sour on me?" and i said " will try" and he said " Bring it on then" and just like that cheesily in a pub, over slurry texts and rum for me, and on his way to work for him we decided to try this long distance thing.

Whats kind of amazing is we are such different people. He is patient to the extent of making the person who invented patience look bad. I am impatient in a way that is well, not good. I hate waiting, i get annoyed, i *used to have all these weird mood swings- which now that i think about makes me look silly. But with boi its easy to be happy. He makes each day easier. From waking up to his chai to going back to bed reading our own books he makes it all so easy. *This is the Boi is best post so you wont find anything that i dont like about him.

Anyway as much as i would like to pretend that we bright intelligent people who have it all figured and that is how this works so well, i am pretty sure we have stumbled on this accidentally. This balance where i dont have to explain anything. Where we creep each other out thinking similair things. Want a kinda creepy eg? :) So we are watching Virgin Suicides- i am a fan of the sad and depressed.
Anyway their one daughter commits suicide and she has some four other sisters. It runs through my horrid head that well, this sucks but at least there are four more,so they should be ok in a while. I immediately try and ignore what i just thought but its already swimming around and i have to tell someone and let it go. So i tell him and he says : i thought the same thing, but dint want to say because i thought you might yell or look shocked.

well,well.

I used to have an old blog which only Boi and perhaps P used to read. It was filled with weird posts and feelings and terrible poems. Boi regularly commented. Once we hooked up i kept thinking he is this awesome because he used to read the blog and he knows what i want,like etc. Suspicion just wouldnt let go. But with time i know its not true. Though i am not fan of the soulmate club i do think boi and i fit together very well like,like back to chessy- like kanji and uup (Porridge and salt), like rain and chai, like kappa and beef.

SEE how its all food related explanations. somethings never change. Happy anniversary to S and A.

oddity

Yesterday terrible dream. P told me this weird ghost incident- Paraphrasing here. And though no kind of scary movie has got me upset this did it. Not scared but in that place from where its hard not to believe but at the same time cynic in me takes over. Anyway after bad dream i get up to pee, hate switching on lights or opening my eyes so its sort of a from memory walk. As i sat there some ugh part of my brain says open your eyes and check the bath tub. Remember the lady from the Shining? Look, Look quickly.

:/

I sat for a bit. Did not open my eyes and walked the walk back.

On another note i also dreamt that boi and i got a pet chimpanzee and it started to get very possessive. It starts to throw monumental fits of sulking when people come over to visit us! and then one day it sat on one of the house guests. I think it has something to do with my thinking-of-babies situation.

chicago part two and three

So i am back in Bloomington, where it still refuses to snow,oddly enough. So the rest of the three days,yes. I am being terribly lazy but i know i should write with my exceptionaly forgetful memory this is the best way to remember. Day two was thanksgiving which we spend sleeping late and then heading to the complementary breakfast thing, where i was having a joey moment- thinking, here is where i win my money back though the boi's wise-owl words " you know its previously charged to the room right?" failed to create much of an impact. so i am looking forward to the eggs and bacon and i all see is fruit (uhm) and donuts ( kinda uhmm) and weak coffee and a crowd for that!
ps: to make up for that unhappy look today boi surprised me at home with his bacony-surprise breakfast! This is why i married boi. Well, this and other things.

There wasnt much to do since everyone shuts shop on thanksgiving day so we went off to see a movie by again brilliantly losing our way to a place just five minutes away, i am telling you we were jinxed on this trip. The wind wasnt kind at all, it literally blew me around! Really, i feel like no one will believe me if i dont re iterate this. obviously it dint lift me off, but barely so. Anyway so we saw Love and other drugs. The hall was quite empty- some seven odd people. Boi liked that set up very much! So i have decided to take him to a week day show in Muscat where we can have a hall to pretty much just us.
Movie was actually pretty good. He is terribly hot and i can just look at him much,much,muchly! Just in case you wanted proof:

She was good too. Her character had all these moments i liked much. For eg: she says i dont want anything more than a fling and then proceeds NOT TO give off any contradicting signals! Then another eg: The guy is staring at her and she says "what?", He says " Nothing" (UGH, how many times will they do all this!) and instead of bugging him asking a zillion "what what whaaaa's?" she just shuts up and waits. See, very good way of getting them to say whatever it is!

Anyway it ended with all the classic moves, the chase-girl-to airport except it was bus to canada( har har!) and then the proclaiming of ever lasting love till eternity and some other similar tear jerking moments. After which we considered watching social network too, but hunger prevailed and we went in search of food. The place we stayed at had tons of eateries but tons of closed eateries and we drove around pretty much empty streets marveling at the joy of empty streets!
finally we found this grill place that turned out to be very good and again we were the only people around. and another chinese couple. The food was soo good or i was really hungry,one of those and lately i have come to realise that margaritas get me a quicker high than good old rum and coke. My body must be craving new things, cos the apple cider margarita went straight up and i was soon happy and buzzing ( ha.)
Here are some pics:

And a yummy dessert! some cookie thing with whipped cream and ice cream. I take bad photos. can you see boi's sekskie abs? :o
Boi's uncle is a jazz buff and used to live in chicago, he told us off this place, kingston mines where music goes on till 4 in the morning and is apparently totally worth the money! so we went there and it was pretty awesome. They had this lady playing along with a couple of other bands and man, she was good! She had me smiling and moving throughout and god, can she sing. The other guy- Magic Slim, played some oldies- Mustang Sally and Let me love you and some more.  They also had all these fun posters from old days: Like when Big Mama Thornton performed in 1954 and the tickets were priced at around 2$ along with this funny sign:

We left around one and again lost our way. This is just for anyone who is interested in counting how many times this particular activity happened.

Day three was Black friday and clearly we are not people who brave the windy city and camp besides stores from five in the morning, so we went to a couple of places and got some stuff. AND i saw the maximum number of indians since i got here at all these stores. It was raining Gujarati ladies and bengali women and their men trailing behind looking not too happy and all these kids!
I heard max hindi since i got here in J.C penney. I dont know why i was so surprised. Anyway boi got a leather jacket and does he look hot! I wouldnt trade him for Gyllenhall kinda hot! (cheesy moment) but moving on, we went back to the malayalee restaurant in the hopes of eating that elusive mutton biriyani since we were super hungry and optimistic about polishing it off but no such luck. But we got some chicken chops and tapioca with beef again and went home and gulped it down with some fruity!
At night we went off to downtown and we went to signature room on the 95th floor at John Hancock center from where the view is brilliant and i had the best pina colada ever, i know i am gushing about it but oh it was the best! and here are my amateur attempts at photography:

After which we went to some Irish pub for some dinner and had not too great food. boi his favorite: Fish and chips and me this Beef and stew which wasnt too great. The next day we went to this temple an hours drive away but totally worth, very well maintained and clean and with an awesome idli-vada-dosa canteen kinda place downstairs. Big points for chicago just for this.

After which we drove Lake Shore drive where all the wind originates from, my eyes watered with the force of it but it was ok soon enough. We saw a Disney store and got A's nephew this adorable Mickey mouse sweater, he needs to know Mickey!
We walked around Michigan Avenue and finally went to The Grand Lux Cafe for lunch where they made us wait for 30mins, i dont mind waiting but i have terrible anxiety issues and so i kept asking whether A had a problem and he kept asking me and finally we decided to wait. They gave us this thing that would beep when our turn came, dont know what its called but i found it very cool!
Lunch was decent enough, a trip is always about food for me and kinda about food for A. But i dont know i guess we were tired and dint look thoroughly enough, so we shared a chicken parmesan which was not too bad:

A trip inevitably means tons of time together. Which inevitably means tons of arguments and heated debates which honestly i quite like. For eg, at night Michigan Avenue was covered in christmasy lights, the whole street which i thought was such a huge uncalled for waste of electricity, the money which could perhaps be used for something else more constructive. Boi always cautions me against such one track thinking, he says its not something you can compare. Like give this up for that kinda situation. I get that part, i even get that it might be good for tourism part, but my point was all these stores are anyway sitting here and people will come and buy things, lights or no lights.
Again. At the temple, they were doing pooja for the shiva lingam with milk. Good quality, tasty gallons of milk being poured away on a stone. I am all for praying but this, this seems attrocious when tons of kids cant even taste milk. I had these daydream on my way back of how if i lived in chicago i would hold a meeting and call all those indians and kinda point out this colossal waste and ask them to start a small fund where people who are dying to waste milk can instead leave that money and we could send that amount that every month back home for some kid to study or for those farmers in Tamil Nadu killing off their parents because they cant afford another mouth. Boi warns me, i know. I cant help it.

The trip was much fun and much needed but i cant wait for the trips when we have jobs, when i can have all kindsa fancy food. Of course my motto is live to eat. You must have got that.

Chicago part 1

so i never write about the places i go to, i plan it in my head, add some funnies and think of how the few people who read this can have some laughs on my behalf, yeah am generous like that. Anyhow, boi and i have come to chicago for thanksgiving break, wednesday to saturday. so i am going to do this in three parts over three days because am lazy and boi's laptop doesnt agree with me.

Yesterday, we, wait, its really windy here and super cold, and i am in slight anticipation of my first snow. but i am glad i came prepared for the cold, i have been walking around in my colorful (read cool) socks which boi doesnt much appreciate esp for public viewing but i have way too many of them and plus i louw them, wth.
yesterday we got here about afternoon, had a brilliant afternoon losing our way to the hotel.
socks:

 I showed boi one Hyatt and told him how important my loo issues are and how we should just check in there as opposed to the one we had booked. Pee issues always makes me lose my mind. We finally found the place, i found ie, i usually say am bad with directions, its easier this way cos i am under no pressure then and i can just sit back and point out faults :/ though with boi i dont do this as much as i like to as i do with my dad.

with dad he takes it terribly personal and makes sure that i understand how losing one's way is "good" cos we find all kinds of other ways to get to the point and see places. uhm. see how that can be a problem?

Boi on the other hand looks very distressed and so i emerged from my settled-into-seat-on-cushion hiatus and   found us home.

After which we headed off to this korean place Bois's friend had recommended. It was a pretty cool place and we had the pork barbecue on the table with some sticky rice and curry. It was all very yumm, i definitely prefer korean food any day over chinese or even north indian. Not kerala though :/

Food:

we wanted to go to the cheesecake factory afterwhich but got lazy and headed back home. I had some horrible cramps showing up so we took a small nap and got ready and headed out around 5ish in the evening. Boi made detailed plans how to get to this kerala restaurant we had found online and the Malayalee store for some stash to take back home.

 At this particular traffic circle we were to take the second exit, i dont know what we were thinking or how we managed but we lost our way three times. We went around and around and finally asked at a gas station who said that the first road we took was right! So much for the directions. Plus here is a masterpiece: boi cant see much in the dark (this ideally requires a whole post devoted to it) but basically he lost his glasses and hasnt bothered buying new one's and its thus a brilliant show at night driving around me yelling this road, this way etc. I hate driving in the rain plus i am on a international license thing till december 1st week so best i dont get us caught.

we finally found the restaurant and to our happiness it had some good stuff left, we picked the kappa (tapioca) and beef fry. Though i make it at home its still kinda exciting to eat it outside,they also had mutton biriyani but we are sensible folks who knew that we would never finish that whole carton, it was seriously huge, not to mention expensive.

There was king fish curry too and my mind was pulling in all directions but boi finally picked it out and we were paying when the uncle-old-man person asked me if i wanted cutlets, i am very excited now and say yes, yes please! Boi says old-man-uncle looked at both our faces and decided that she is the one likely to be spending his money. :/

cutlets were yumm which we polished off in the car, boi asked if i liked eating in the car,i mumbled sure! what was wrong, cutlets,car, even rain outside,perfect. Boi said he needed atmosphere. To make up i gave him some more of mine!

Boi had found this hookah place he wanted to check out, quite close to schaumburg, so we could just pop in and hooka-fy and head home, eat our dinner and watch a movie. He said, if i find it even least bit sleazy we wouldnt stay,which is odd cos i dont care much even if its slightly sidey,i guess he meant he wouldnt stay, :) but it turned out to be a pretty decent place with this guy,owner, who was quite friendly with all his jokes, we had some strawberry hookah and some apple juice and persian tea for boi. Since we are both newly quit smokers, about two years now, i stopped counting a while back which is apparently a good sign, so hookah is all we got.

But i am not a huge fan of  it, i feel nothing much not the hit that comes from a ciggy and i dont care much for the flavors. Boi dint feel too good towards the end and we left early, thought of stopping for some Margarita's but it was raining quite heavily so we finally got home. Had the relatively yumm dinner, we both agree mine is better.ha.

That was day 1.

Thalassery Biriyani

I love thalassery. Its my Dad's ancenstral place, green from all sides with a hill by its side which if you climb all the way to the top you can see The Arabian sea/ Bay of bengal. Clearly i have no sense of geography.

When i go there i ate pretty much only fish in all forms. I also look completely different. I have huge amounts of oil in my hair, i wear salwars.Mainly because i seem to have stitched up many with no occasions to put them to good use. I visit the temples and watch the theyyam and go see Kathakali at the temple

Thalassery town is one small pandi place where people stare at you like crazy. like, even if you stare back they continue to eye you without blinking,that kinda crazy but i am past the stage where that gets to me. I have my favorite eatery's all of which Amma refuses to step into for lack of hygiene. I agree. but again am past that too. I love the Paris biriyani which even now i can consume for nostalgic feelings. Though the chicken in the Biriyani is probably older than me.
There is a place called seema's where i gobble down one whole Falooda  and chilli beef with the same gusto to much disgust of many cousin's.

Thalassery Biriyani is one of my favorites. The rice is different and there is heavy doses of ghee involved. I thought the boi needed to get in touch with my roots and thus: tadah!

Boi's obviously comes with accessories

Experiments

So i have been looking at more baked recipes recently and yesterday i finally decided to make roast chicken.
The initial plan was to make it in white sauce but having no patience to run to the store for cream i made a garlic roast with brown sauce marinade.
Side: Rice and mushroom,Broccoli salad.
here is a pic:

It was good. I considered going to Culinary school instead of everything. But that would be too much of a jump.

2 Years

Sept 18th 2010

Relying on pictures

Kappa,Beef and mollakitta meen curry

Onam 2010

Thees eet ees

First Set

The List

ps: Check Here for the story.

How we fool each other

Boi and I happily leave our sandals bang in the middle of living room after we get back from wherever,which is ok cos we are so tired yadda yadda but soon I go into the stage where I want everything  squeaky clean so I go and quickly put  mine away. Now its just boi’s pair of sandals,shoes socks etc lying around giving me vulnerable looks cos they “know” whats coming. boi never learns. So he will come waltzing in and i will  be all “what the hell is the matter with you,cant you at least put them away,cluttering the room et and all ” and boi will immedietly go  “oh yaa what about your blue…” that’s all he gets,cos he will turn around to point at the evidence and be all “eh”

Much fun.

Bois turn.

Boi can never make his mind up about what side of the bed he wants to occupy. He will keep moving around redefining the Loc. Very irritating. Esp in the dark, with just reading light on and I am searching for my book or something in the almost non see-able dark when boi again hurries in and jumps onto my side-as-i-am-watching and despite my raised eyebrows he continues to occupy my side,grinning widely. I am like ok fine ( lets just show him how adults behave)  I go to the other side in the DARK AND I find that he is jumped to that side. Again. ALLRIGHT AND I stupidly move to the other side..boi.moves. I Yell.

Motta And Mushroom

So it was the weekend, well it still is. so yesterday was saturday.. ok i wont dillydally anymore ( funny word right?) OK really. so i kind of cut off  my hair.
Is june still there? :0
ps: The boi became a motta-shaved head ie, if anyone non mallu happens to be reading,though am highly doubting anyone is reading!
so now i look like a mushroom and he is the motta. thus the title.

saturday saw us both wake up late,me still with very bootiful long hair, i have been talking about this for ever.this chopping hair off,but many factors stood in the way, like wide eyed grandmoms, irked moms, one june,the general feeling that i will look pretty stupid. The last time i did this was in 6th std and my god it was not a pleasant sight. i had oil dripping hair and side bangs like "jayan" and i wore these long skirts with full sleeved tops and generally added to the pollution around.
but now,now am a pretty child. well,almost and let me tell you all you doubting thomases,i look good.
not too bad. really.

i could be a boi, thats how short it is. the lady at the parlor was very sweet and understanding about the emotional upheaval and the significant amount of hair that was going,she asked me if i would like to keep it in a pony. that was a little creepy though,so i decided not to. Anyway misty, cut it off at the nape and i shook my head and it felt so goood! so this is how boi's live eh!! so light headed.
And then she snipped and just went at it! i dint realise i had my hands all fisted ( you know what i mean) and one guy decides to show me the positves- Imagine how much shampoo i will be saving. Right.

The thing is i just wanted to do it once,you know. I knew it would feel extremely awesome but i kept wondering about a thousand things, you would think how hard is it! but i worried about it not growing back in the same heavy lush way it is, it never growing back and then i found all these reasons why i should just get it done with.

It was so irritating to go back and forth like this and i kept telling myself- stop,its just hair! but then immedietly i would imagine a 40 plus balding me. The what people would say part-doesnt matter anymore,not that it ever really did, but Mallu family and friends have an amazing way of creeping in to your activities and proclaiming their space. But am far far away to even hear it.

and now i feel so good. The boi who was very skeptical and anxious and such and who asked me "exactly how short" at least his concerns had to do with "oh but you have such pretty hair, and the use of the word beautiful a lot" and so when i told him like Barkha Dutt short,though i dont like "her" or Arundhati Roy short- who i am re liking now.
He was quite appalled and he went on to considered the size of my head which apprently wouldnt go well with short hair but clearly he was wrong,proved by the eeee grin on his face when i finally got done,yes,he stayed and kept me company :)
So here i am - The mushroom.

ps: The boi felt all jealous and bitter and alone in this long hair world :p Jk. Boi decided he dint want any hair at all and shaved it all off. Though i was little worried if i would still be turned on by a bald head,all that was resolved when he emerged looking not shiny bald but sort of green. yeah doesnt sound too good. But he has this really small round nice head and it looks good!
and then i got jealous and bitter at how wonderful he must be feeling. yeah i dint though,that would be like really pushing it!

Here is to Motta and Mushroom.

why none of that gymming ever works

close up view now,

Thats biriyani
chilli paneer and spicy chicken roast,boi forgot to click my yummy meat cutlet pics. but feel free to use your imagination.