Link Time

Been busy with things that aren't blog worthy. However I have all kinds of random things to be linked.
Beginning with sex and literature? Hell yeah. A and I were driving and talking about our top ten priority list and obviously sex and books ranked high and then I came across this which links them both! I have a small crush on the woman named Alicia!
A quick heads up: Don't watch while at work.

I read this book and the link is a NYT review. There is one story in it which blew my mind. It's called The Repatriates and it's one of those stories that kind of chug along and you trust what the narrator has to say or her side of things and then suddenly in just a few lines the author takes it all apart. In this story it's done through just a few dialogues toward the end. Do read!


I got A this book. The title made him look at me like whaa? But he says he likes it so far.

This is a documentary I saw and loved. I have I think expressed my general distaste for godmen/ women earlier but what I did not expect or never quite factored in was loneliness and what it can do to you. Recently Gawker had an article about a woman who dialled 911 multiple times just to chat because she hadn't talked to anyone in so long. The disciples in Kumare was a kind of harsh slap in the face. I mean it wasn't just that people wanted badly to beleive in something bigger but they just seemed to want to just connect with someone so badly. They all had so much in common even though they come from so many different backgrounds. I think it's the way they spoke with such alarming fear about what next.

Race is one of those topics that I can read exhaustively on and here are two articles that express rather eloquently about being "yellow" and being "brown" in America.
This is by Catherine Chung and she uses both personal experiences and current attitudes to explain her stance better.
And this by Amitava Kumar is in the light of the recent Boston bombings. It's interesting but kind of fizzles a little and I probably need to read it again.

Here is a photo essay It kind of makes you stop and wonder a little. And yes, you forget as always and move on but somehow these images have stayed in my head.  It also made me wish so badly that I had had this idea! What an exceptional way to convey a thought.

Well, everyone has been posting about this Dove ad and I saw it and thought not bad at all but something was quite wrong and you had that naggy feeling. It basically shows a bunch of women talk about how they perceive themselves and a man on the other side sketches them based on what they say. Then someone else who has met them describes them and the man sketches again. And then both pictures are kind of compared and the woman inevitably looks better in the sketch described by the other person. Although you know look at the kind of women they picked! I mean there isn't one over weight person. And then this essay came along and explained it all much better than the crowded thoughts in my head.

I don't always agree with James Wood and his reviews but I love this profile about him and his wife, Claire Messud.

Tehelka. Here is an article that yes, generalizes like crrraaazie but, but! all I could think about after reading it was, yeah, I know quite a few of these kinds! Look for it here. Although I think the article could also have detailed on how Indian women enable these attitudes.

I have such a fear of painkillers and unless it's really necessary or painful I try to steer clear. A has this annoying habit of offering me Tylenol for every other thing. The other day I had one of those neck cricks from falling asleep in the same position for a while and it was irritating but will mostly disappear without some pill help but there he is with his Tylenol praise! Look at this.  :/

I watched a bunch of movies of which The Story of Adele H stands out. Isabelle Adjani is so young and so fabulous as Adele. I have always felt that compulsive maniacal kind of love is never really love. It is just standing in for something else that you havent discovered is wrong with your life. And Adele. Poor beautiful Adele just keeps following the captain to different countries, she lies everywhere and to everyone but mostly to herself. There is one scene in particular that I know will stay with me. In which she hands out a handful of crumpled bills to him on a rocky mountainy area where he is on a horse and she is in her raggedy clothes and the expression on her face!  Oh. It's apparently based upon Victor Hugo's daughter's life.

Then I watched a bunch of gay movies that Netflix offered:

1)Far from Heaven: *** Juliane Moore is worth watching. Rest meh.
2)Bloomington: *What the fuck was this movie! Entirely pointless plotless but of so pretty both the actresses!
3)Heavenly Creatures: **** A young young Kate Winslet doing a fabulous job! Based on a true story. I give it four stars simply for Kate itself but Melanie Lynskey, Rose, from Two and a Half Men :/ walks away with the stage! She is so brilliant in this teenage hysteria filled movie. Totally worth it. I also saw an interview afterward about the real life girls who plot the murder and they are all so old now. Apparently a condition of their release was that they never meet each other again.
4) And then came the Lisa Ray, Sheetal Sheth awesomeness! Man, these two kind of belong together had they been gay! There are two movies by the same director.

-I can't think straight is set in London ****
-The World Unseen is set in 1950's South Africa in Apartheid times. ***
I can't quite get over how beautiful they are together. Although I must add that Lisa Ray is quite wooden but tries hard!

Ok that's all for now.

Happy Vishu

Happy Vishu, erryone. Have a great year filled with the usual suspects.

This is the first time I am doing the whole 'Kanni' situation myself. For a whole decade and a half we saw evil grandmother's Kanni and as my mother puts it 'it was the harbinger of all our nasham" :) The night before Vishu I googled "What vishu means" because I had this image suddenly of doing a Kanni with future kids and them asking so what is this? and me saying something like, it's Kerala culture darlings, and them going, oh yeah? what is that? and me saying, umm hang on, I will tell you in a minute and searching Vishu, What is Vishu or worse: What is Kerala culture? on my phone hidden in the bathroom.

Well of course I know it is the new year and Malayalam month and all that but there has to be a story right? Thus the googling.

Look at my Kanni:

and of course a Sadya:

Time to decide but not quite

So I have a lot of issues coming up. As always I suppose. One of the things that I really like about A and my shared aunt is how enterprising she is. She is about forty and due to a whole lot of crap she had to deal with, she ended up career less. And this is America-land of whatever whatever. :/ So she has done so many courses but somehow it wont pan out into a job. It sounds flaky but it truly isn't  It involved headaches like citizenship of a different country issues, baby issues, husband moving around issues, people telling you-if you can just relax everything will happen issues- but somehow she has hung on. Every course she does, she shines like a super star, straight A's, she obsessively studies, heads down to class even with a flu- :/ this isnt particularly a good thing, but still you get the picture. And now finally she is doing a para legal course because she has always been interested in law and politics and doing well as always and most likely to land a decent job but it turns out they have to move to the Gelf. I can tell she is tired but being sporty! I can also tell that I wouldn't be half this graceful about all this. I would be a raging cyclone!

I have been thinking what should I do now. The options were: join a local culinary school. A school counseling certification. Volunteer at a kindergarten, start a home food service, food stylist internship, intern at a local domestic violence shelter after finishing the DV certification, a small time paper internship. As you can see it's all either food/ children or NPO's. I love kids and not in a oh-you-cutie and ok now get off my hip way. I can spend quite a bit of time with a child and not be so bored. So the best fit for me would be an Early Childhood certification for elementary school. Not below that or above it. This is my favorite child period. Now the thing standing in my way is the colleges are far off in the suburbs mostly and I live in the city. Second, we can apply for the GC only in August and I absolutely cannot do the F-2 F-1 mania ever ever in my life again. So it looks like I will have to wait till October at least. This is okay actually. I will hopefully find a volunteer position till then. Most of the jobs also require me to be bilingual and they mostly mean Spanish which btw after 2 years of learning the only lines I can form now is: en mi tiempo libre mi gusta leer lebros!  :/ and well, como estas :D But I think I can pick it up. I remember I had my spanish exam and Mr. A was in Pune and decided to help me learn and although what I mean by that is: we made out after every few words it was such fun to be with my 'boyfriend'! :) What a good time that was.

Meanwhile I am trying to round up a few people to do this with me. I read this poem that her children, these two lovely girls, have written and I sat and cried for a while. BTW I don't know what the fuck is up but I can weep at the drop now. Anyway so I don't know anyone here so I emailed my meetup group and one person responded which might seem like nothing but I am truly grateful. I understand people are always busy esp ones with kids and jobs and so that's all right. The place I would prefer to hold the registry is at this temple here since it attracts a bunch of Indians and that would be the best match for a fellow Indian. You should watch this video in which Nalini speaks and she is elegant and lovely. I was praying today evening and I thought of her. I never do that even though multiple times people in trouble have said: keep me in your prayers. It always seemed like a 'line' but I think I understand what that means now.

A send me a link today. Turns our Adoor Gopalakrishnan is speaking at the Uni! How strange was my first thought. But needless suprise. Everyone knows everything now. A film maker from Kutty Kerala in Chicago. Nice! I couldn't explain how exciting this is! The last time I was excited about a director was Herzog at IU and that was a good talk. I love most of his movies that I have seen and I hope it's a good evening! Remember Mathilukal? :)
More on that later.

Things worth mentioning

Did I tell you I love, LOVE my bathroom? I have never had a bathroom this lovely in my whole life. I have seen nice ones in resorts and hotels but I am too suspicious of..diseases and infections to get into the tub, I know it's a lil weird because the same logic applies to an apartment with previous owners. But this one I can scour to my heart's content, at least with bleach and other infection ridding podis.

So anyway when we first saw the apartment I instantly loved the bathroom and this little story came to mind. It was around the time a certain Gilbert released her book and then the movie came and everyone said, oh the book is so much better. I thought, of course, classic line. But I saw the movie and hated it. And I love Julia R but I still didn't care much for it. Soul searching in exotic places. Okay then.
Then my aunt with whom I was staying for a few days said, she loved it. I didn't say anything because when someone says they loved something why pour on their sunshine. But she asked- Did you like it? So I said, um no.
And she said, well you know, you have to be maybe fourtyish and have cried on a few bathroom floors to understand.
I took away from it: the bathroom crying part. This is like a perfect crying bathroom. I can be on the floor and wail if I so wish.

Yesterday while assembling something, of course it ended in a fight and I made a dramatic exit thinking, fuck him, I wont say anything and for a good measure I slammed the bathroom door shut and it made a "shssh" sound. One of the joys after a fight is a door that slams real loud kind of making up for all the below the belt things you didn't say. I will just have to resort to banging a few steel plates in the sink. I remember when my mum did that, I would always think, oh lord, I will never do THIS. I will always engage in peaceful conversations that result in practical solutions. Yeah? Screw 15 yr old righteous me. And mum, please bang away.

Did I tell you Amma paid me the best compliment she ever has in my whole living existence? Yeah! This was in Turkey and it was just both of us at lunch. I wish to all the gods that my father had been there! She said, "You are like the son I didn't have. I would go anywhere with you with the same confidence as I would go with a boy."
I know it's a little out there. You know? But I will take it and hug it and remember it forever! I mean I am probably going to have to wait another 20 yrs for another compliment unless of course I publish my brilliant book and Malayalam tv channels clash around to interview me-which is her version of my success. Yup.

In other news, it looks like I am going to have to assimilate some kind of practical skill. Like Adobe or Quark Express or whatever the hell that these jobs ask for in a sly way. It's kind of like: we prefer this but it's ok if you dont have it but no, not really. You MUST have it. :/

I wish I could do some kind of cooking internship. I would be so happy to just cook, write and read my books!

Oh also RIP Roger Ebert. I usually just read Anthony Lane because somehow I remember him first when I want to check something but I found this wonderful interview and I could relate to so much in it. Given half the chance, I wouldn't throw out anything. Last year A made me throw so many un worn dresses, shoes, bags. Some kind of -if it hasn't been used for more than a year rule. And also: books! Which I didn't though. I asked Abigail to keep it in her basement, I will return for them sometime. And I actually will.

I have a beautiful new book shelf, even though it's Ikea :/ Once I have filled it, A asked me to wait for him too, so once I do I will show you gaiz a photo.

Books Feb-March

Been a while since I did the books post, and yes I have been reading a bit.

P got me With or Without You by Domenica Ruta for my bday. Well, she asked what I wanted and the choices were between this and How to be a Person and I picked this. I just finished it a few days ago. Initially I couldn't warm up to it mainly because I always had this suspicious notion about memoirs and people who write them before a certain age. I don't know why I was being a prick about it but then I read Wild by Cheryl Strayed and I just wanted to weep forever and that is precisely what happened. I happened to read it when mum was around and whenever I read a gorgeous passage about the mother-daughter relationship, I would underline it and later read it to her. More importantly although I don't need a reminder, it became one, of how lucky I am to have my mum around and how she isn't sick and more or less healthy and how she is only a call away.

Cheryl waited a while to write it and I don't think in any interview she has answered why she waited or rather no one has asked her. But somehow in my judgey judgerson mind it seemed an appropriate age to write a memoir. Ruta however is only thirty but age doesn't matter here because her story is compelling, perhaps familiar to a lot of folks here but astonishing for me. I frequently went, I can't believe a mother can be like this!
Which I suppose is the point. In the beginning what annoyed me was the author's tendency or it seemed to me, to portray herself as cute/ quirky/ eccentric or whatever the childish version of that is. A sort of a I -was-wronged syndrome which I could easily identify with because I have often played the same martyr's role. Of course I was wronged but people tried hard to rectify it too and so now I just need to get the fuck over it already. And I have. But Ruta never quite manages to with her mother. The estrangement seems to last forever and this is almost a kind of homage paid to her, a letter to her mother. I wouldn't say it's a must read, but it's worth the time. If you have ever felt like you were doing everything you possibly could to please your mother and still falling short somehow then you will like this sad book.

The other one I read is also a daughter's memory of her father. EM Radha, daughter of EMS writes about her father in 'Makkalude Ormakal", Memories of a Daughter. It is in malayalam and therefore took me a while because it isn't in anyway a simple language, at least not the way she writes. There is a lot of background stories from his days underground, but mostly it's about how she tries to make peace with the fact that her father couldn't be simply a father to her but because of the force of his personality and work, it is an adjustment, a sacrifice they all make. There are a lot of references to the political scene in Kerala and the growth of the communist party and his rise to the position of chief minister. Her mothers slow derangement, her relationship with her siblings and so on. It really is a fascinating read especially if you are interested in Kerala politics in that time period.

I just started Dubliners yesterday. I had such a fear, that is the apt word, for James Joyce or Jimmy Joyce, as Naipaul would :D, after failing at Ulysses and Finnegan's wake- both seemingly unreadable but I am sure it is my own failing, lack of concentration, pre meditated conviction that it is unreadable etc.
But. But Dubliners. I am so 'spellbound' by these stories. I have no idea how it is possible that it is the same author but the magic in these short stories is breathtaking. My favorite kind of a story is the one that implies everything without the slightest tinge of effort. And if you read this one you will know what I mean.

Here is an essay by Strayed which will be a good place to start before reading the book.

And one of my favorite passages from the essay, " WE ARE NOT allowed this. We are allowed to be deeply into basketball, or Buddhism, or Star Trek, or jazz, but we are not allowed to be deeply sad. Grief is a thing that we are encouraged to “let go of,” to “move on from,” and we are told specifically how this should be done. Countless well-intentioned friends, distant family members, hospital workers, and strangers I met at parties recited the famous five stages of grief to me: denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance. I was alarmed by how many people knew them, how deeply this single definition of the grieving process had permeated our cultural consciousness. Not only was I supposed to feel these five things, I was meant to feel them in that order and for a prescribed amount of time."

I saw a movie

I needed a break from applying for internships I probably wont get, so I watched a Malayalam movie. While ultimately it was disappointing, it did have a lot of moments that needed to be thought over. So. Spoiler alert- if any of you are planning to watch and I highly doubt you will, the movie is called Akasmikam which loosely translates to- Accidental.

It starts off interesting, a couple with the woman pregnant at 40, played quite nicely by Swetha Menon. Siddique as this moshakodan husband. Non malayalees, feel free to guess what that means. And their son-a hormonal teenager. So it's basically what happens with the son. The son has a friend, another horny boy.
They attend a malayalam tuition class because you know it's not enough that you are living in the state of your origin and can speak fluently but since no one has any time to tell you epic stories, you go for tuition. There the boys meet a girl- a small thing really. Barely 14 ish, portrayed very innocent, all patu pavadai and stuff- quite annoying.

The boys go to an all boys school so they are very fascinated by women and bodies. There is a lot of porn exchange going on apparently smuggled from the respective fathers. Titled- MILF and what have you.
Jagadhy plays the father of the school and here begins my problem. Jagadhy is shown as possibly gay but it's a cutesy gay-you can tell by the kind of background tone that plays when he is flirting with the boys. I just did not feel like that was the right way to go about portraying gays. Its so misleading for so many reasons. First off usually it is never as innocent as shown because of the nature of our fucking society. There is a lot of sexual abuse that goes on unrecorded and unspoken. And the more we try to shove it under 'cutesy tones and funny gestures' the more it will remain so. Young boys will not speak up for a variety of reasons-shame, scared, being teased etc. Secondly, in a country like India and more so in a society like Kerala where there is still so much antipathy to gays, its high time you stepped up in movies and ended these bullshit scenes which is the only way we seem to want to handle gay characters. It is some kind of blindness, as though by making them unreal or funny we can heave a collective sigh of relief. Like, oh look, gay people are not soo bad, they are cute! How could cute be bad? This was my problem with that highly annoying movie- Dostana-too. Ugh.
Jagadhy of course did his part super well.

So the dramatic arc begins with the girl visiting our boy in his house. He panics because his parents are out, only grandmother home. I could totally understand his predicament even though it seemed a tad exaggerated. There is just no safe space for boys and girls to mingle and just be..normal or themselves. There is so much doubt and 'why is she coming home, eda?' kind of questions from parents that I wasn't surprised with this boys reaction at all. His father comes suddenly home with a friend to vellam adi -get drunk--and the boy decides to hide the girl in a Godrej almirah!!
His father sends him to buy soda so he can adichu fit aval in the afternoon hours. :/ When the boy returns he finds that he has lost the key to the almirah. And blah blah panic, fear etc.

What is amazing is at no point does the boy think-let me tell my parents. Instead he turns to his equally dim witted friend and together they hatch stupid plans. This is the reality that the movie showcases really well but tapers off in the end when all is well. Good ol grandma had seen the hiding and had let the girl out. All the panic was for nothing. Grandma has bad memory so she forgot to give almirah keys back and then it is all all laughter and walking through green fields where there is sufficient peace of mind apparently. But where the movie fails is in the end it doesn't address even for a second the most important q that begs to be asked. Shouldn't  the parents have asked: Dude, why the fuck didn't you come to us, man? Or in other terms.
but they are all like: haha, you are such a silly boy.

And I thought: huh? Someone ask him what the hell he would have done had the girl died in there? But nope.It was such a clear stepping back from accountability and responsibility and how parents had failed and it's like the pink elephant in the room! Or the fact that why did he have to hide her in the first place? Why couldn't he have been like, oh hey, this is my house, come sit, have some chaya. Why did he panic about his parents finding a girl in the living room.
Why why.

Sigh.

Disappointing.

The April Poem

599

Emily Dickinson

There is a pain—so utter—
It swallows substance up—
Then covers the Abyss with Trance—
So Memory can step
Around—across—upon it—
As one within a Swoon—
Goes safely—where an open eye—
Would drop Him—Bone by Bone.