so i am one of those creatures of habit people,once i get used to a routine i find it easy to stick by it so the past one month has seen me attack the gym with a kind of venegeance possibly only when you really hate someone and having considered liposuction (what!!! nayantara did it!) you dont know nayantara do you..anyway and some other many easy ways and then realising the broke conditions i am now used to panting like a crazy horse every morning for exactly 95mintues.and in some better days 105minutes
thats not so bad now is it?
i can feel slimmer already,that of course is a part of the many other illusions i suffer. so anyway the gym is filled with older than me women and i dont look married supposedly so initially noone really bothered me. so far so good.
and then one lady asked me tentatively having eyed the ring for a good ten minutes,and i say yes of course! and now i have painful conversations well thats not true painful listening of home dilemmas and unreasonable husbands. i having nothing to contribute since there are no dilemmas at my place and with a husband in another continent i mostly nod and agree.
so this one particular girl, about to be married gives me an invite too. this is probably where i should mention how sometimes i lie instantly for no reason. it just pops in my head and i go with it. so she says "pls do come" and am thinking "i am definitely not going"
i could have left it at that but then she asked why. i wonder if i would have asked anyone a why
and so i say immedietly without even thinking "my uncle died and we cant go for any functions"
i have no clue where that came from! also i immedietly start panicking about god and punishments and thinking of all my alive hearty uncles and worrying they might drop dead any second and then i remember i dont like any of them. feel little better and then it occurs to me what if god (who in my head has absolutely no other job but to lurk waiting for my little lies) kills any of the boi's uncles and i instantly think of his favorite uncle.
by now i am done with my 30 minutes of cycling.
see how time goes so fast?
i recommend all of you do this.
anyway moving on, this wedding girl is on the next machine saying something about the auditorium and me, not wanting to appear rude and carry the burden of having ended the conversation says " so is all your shopping done?" and she says " yeah almost except for the (wait for it!!) except for the ling-a-rie!"
:)
its been so awfully long since someone popped that one on me. anyway the thing is after she said it i dint quite hear (no honestly!) so i say "sorry?" and even before she repeated i got it.
the games my head plays with me!
she said it again and somehow i felt endearing-ly towards her. you know why?
usualy when you arent too sure of a word and yet you go ahead and say it the way you think it could be and the other person goes " sorry or pardon?"
(i hate the word pardon btw) so when they do that? you feel a little squirmish, a little like "oh well there i have gone and made an ass of myself" and even if you say it, its going to be in slightly hushed,tentatively. right? or is this all me?
but she. she said with such innocent confidence.
i have been talking to her since and i really like her. maybe il make an exception to my dead fictitious uncle and go for her wedding!
see how i end up making friends?
well. thats all people. here is to a ling-a-rie!
Thursday, April 29, 2010
Monday, April 26, 2010
A Thing of the past
I have always thought that everything comes with an expiry date and mostly i have been right. which is probably why i have a huge amount of tolerance when it comes to my parents. i have sat on the sides and watched the endless fights, the accusing fingers,the many miserable nights. since a while am trying the neutral approach where i dont really pick a side or i try not to involve me despite their many attempts to do so. he says " tell her that i am not interested in hearing this anymore" and she says " ask him never to call me again"
much earlier me and the sister tried many ways of dealing with this, for a while we pretended this was what most houses were like, we played the tv loud as we had seen in some serial and laughed loudly ignoring them, then we grew up and grew out of that.the problem is its hard not to pick a side, after a while you get used to the noise and since it seems repetetive you learn to ignore the content which is obviously a mistake cos you can get taken by surprise. which is probably why when she said "i even hate signing his name next to mine" and that too not with resentment but more of a calm defeat it struck me. this is when the side taking happens.my dad got a job abroad and left a while back while she chose to stay back citing many a reason which i now am thankful for.
i have always watched all this with a kind of annoyance wishing i was more detached but often its more a pity, they live so sadly,if i try putting it differently, focused on just both of them, then they are such strangers to romance. which maybe is not such a bad thing for them. but being married myself makes me see it in a very very different light. they constantly the miss the moment,coming together.
individually taken apart and analysed they are great people. he is one of the most succesful people i know, great at talking people in and out of things, always well liked,funny even. she is wonderfully kind and cute and stylish and so very generous. but.together they bring out the worst in the other. latelyi have noticed how they wait for the other to screw up with a perverse kind of happiness when they do. dont they have a theory for this?self fulfilling prophecy i think.
for most parts they fool most people putting up this great front.
a part of me worries that some of this must have rubbed off on me, i have a near perfect marriage, we pretty much get each other and there are no encroachments in space and most fights are resolved pretty quick. but sometimes i catch myself wanting him to mess up and to see him feel bad, which of course i dont let him wallow in much. but yet.
obviously i dont hope for any reconciliation or tearful coming togethers, and admission of past follies, what i wish for is that they find a common ground that could pull them through, now that me and my sister are no longer the binding factor i am not sure there is anything left. sometimes in my side taking hobby i find them so unhappy that i asked them what they thought of separating, and though i asked in a more casual enquiring way it took me by suprise that they had considered it and then dropped it cos of every other reason but the one for which most people stay together. i have seen a kind of quiet companionship in many of my friends families, one that comes from years of togetherness and having crossed many a hurdle together, but these two dont even have that.
my dad is the kind of person who looks down upon housework and has been bought up by this absolute horror of a woman and still prefers to act as the "male" power in the family, he makes a huge scene about something as simple as washing one's own plate. this one time i saw him do it, his face was all controted in this look-what-i-put-up-with way and she is the kind who can never let one mistake go unnoticed and obviously doesnt beleive in letting go of the past.
a part of me wishes they wouldnt put me and the sister through this,its so unbeleivably unbearable in the same house together even for a single day.
much earlier me and the sister tried many ways of dealing with this, for a while we pretended this was what most houses were like, we played the tv loud as we had seen in some serial and laughed loudly ignoring them, then we grew up and grew out of that.the problem is its hard not to pick a side, after a while you get used to the noise and since it seems repetetive you learn to ignore the content which is obviously a mistake cos you can get taken by surprise. which is probably why when she said "i even hate signing his name next to mine" and that too not with resentment but more of a calm defeat it struck me. this is when the side taking happens.my dad got a job abroad and left a while back while she chose to stay back citing many a reason which i now am thankful for.
i have always watched all this with a kind of annoyance wishing i was more detached but often its more a pity, they live so sadly,if i try putting it differently, focused on just both of them, then they are such strangers to romance. which maybe is not such a bad thing for them. but being married myself makes me see it in a very very different light. they constantly the miss the moment,coming together.
individually taken apart and analysed they are great people. he is one of the most succesful people i know, great at talking people in and out of things, always well liked,funny even. she is wonderfully kind and cute and stylish and so very generous. but.together they bring out the worst in the other. latelyi have noticed how they wait for the other to screw up with a perverse kind of happiness when they do. dont they have a theory for this?self fulfilling prophecy i think.
for most parts they fool most people putting up this great front.
a part of me worries that some of this must have rubbed off on me, i have a near perfect marriage, we pretty much get each other and there are no encroachments in space and most fights are resolved pretty quick. but sometimes i catch myself wanting him to mess up and to see him feel bad, which of course i dont let him wallow in much. but yet.
obviously i dont hope for any reconciliation or tearful coming togethers, and admission of past follies, what i wish for is that they find a common ground that could pull them through, now that me and my sister are no longer the binding factor i am not sure there is anything left. sometimes in my side taking hobby i find them so unhappy that i asked them what they thought of separating, and though i asked in a more casual enquiring way it took me by suprise that they had considered it and then dropped it cos of every other reason but the one for which most people stay together. i have seen a kind of quiet companionship in many of my friends families, one that comes from years of togetherness and having crossed many a hurdle together, but these two dont even have that.
my dad is the kind of person who looks down upon housework and has been bought up by this absolute horror of a woman and still prefers to act as the "male" power in the family, he makes a huge scene about something as simple as washing one's own plate. this one time i saw him do it, his face was all controted in this look-what-i-put-up-with way and she is the kind who can never let one mistake go unnoticed and obviously doesnt beleive in letting go of the past.
a part of me wishes they wouldnt put me and the sister through this,its so unbeleivably unbearable in the same house together even for a single day.
Wednesday, April 21, 2010
Of First kisses
It feels like for ever since i saw him and its been only a month and there is still two months to go.
i remember seeing him for the first time, i obviously got there earlier, i am always early thus giving me enough time to preen into mirrors and practise how i would be sitting when he walks in.
first i chose a place from where i could see him come in, then i moved.back to window. i am not really sure why though. i take all magazines available,maybe the waiter sensed the nervousness cos he asked if id rather wait to order. i say yes.
surprisingly some article got my attention which is amazing considering am on needles, and i was slightly lost when he finally came in. and, suddenly there he was dimple and all smiling right in front of me.
white shirt,glasses a bag..and he hugged me and i thinking he was about to kiss me leaned forward and he dint! mortification.
but he catches on quickly and there was the quick peck. a first kiss.
i remember seeing him for the first time, i obviously got there earlier, i am always early thus giving me enough time to preen into mirrors and practise how i would be sitting when he walks in.
first i chose a place from where i could see him come in, then i moved.back to window. i am not really sure why though. i take all magazines available,maybe the waiter sensed the nervousness cos he asked if id rather wait to order. i say yes.
surprisingly some article got my attention which is amazing considering am on needles, and i was slightly lost when he finally came in. and, suddenly there he was dimple and all smiling right in front of me.
white shirt,glasses a bag..and he hugged me and i thinking he was about to kiss me leaned forward and he dint! mortification.
but he catches on quickly and there was the quick peck. a first kiss.
Wednesday, April 14, 2010
My June Post
Its been a while. since i planned and did not reach pondy or anywhere with a beach and beer. what do i know, everyone plans ahead apparently except me!
so all tickets booked to pondy,gokarna and goa from bangalore. to hampi i dint ask cos tall guy with me scoffed at the idea of temple ruins and plus i have been there.
thus my weekend plans became bangalore city not that i really minded.
june, who put me and the sister up has been friends with me for a while. actually a long while, but its only this time around we realised in all these years we havent yet had a single fight. i rack my brains and think of even some kinda disagreement. i cant seem to remember any.
does this mean we are too close to have disagreements or that we are not that close as we think?
why analyse.
so anyway she only "knows" about my obsessive habits having heard them from me or read in the blog, she has no first hand experience and i can still see her say "so this is what you meant".
she also had no idea about my healthy liking for toilet humour. after initial displeasure she soon learned to cope, and even bought me an entire roll of toilet paper.
the thing about being with june is,for me ie, i always end up wanting to be a lil more like her. of course its limited to the days i am with her and maybe a few hours since. i always prefer going back to sarcasm as opposed to her wit and conversational skills.
she is immedietly comfortable with most people, am not.
she uses humor to impress, i use sarcasm and turn people off. she is tall and loud and fun to be with, am mostly dark and gloomy and goofy.
so its no wonder me wanting a little of her but then again am happy this way too.
as for my weekend, except the part where i sat on my ass in clubs playing snake on my phone and watch very drunk women do many drunk things, i had fun. clubbing is simply not my scene, pubs, lounges and drinking is. i went to koshys for my bfast and i bought many cheap things off comm street, the prettiest earrings,i found dexter on june's bro's comp, see? i need less to stay happy! low maintainence you see.
ps: this is to say a big big sorry to p for bringing her to Hrc the first time we met! and making you yell by way of conversation over all that noise and then not being able to catch up again!
pps: oh! oh also i got hit on! my first after being married, this firang who btw was cute came up and asked me if i was with someone and i said yes, my friends. so he said "no someone someone?" which was weird but anyway so i ball my fist and show him my ring and say am marrried and would not want to dance.
he obviously saw only my fist cos he stood around looking uncomfy so i got up and said my polite no's and send him off.
its wonderful being hit on again.
so yes,thats all there was.
i am off to delhi next and pune to meet my next set of friends. if only life was always this wonderful.
so all tickets booked to pondy,gokarna and goa from bangalore. to hampi i dint ask cos tall guy with me scoffed at the idea of temple ruins and plus i have been there.
thus my weekend plans became bangalore city not that i really minded.
june, who put me and the sister up has been friends with me for a while. actually a long while, but its only this time around we realised in all these years we havent yet had a single fight. i rack my brains and think of even some kinda disagreement. i cant seem to remember any.
does this mean we are too close to have disagreements or that we are not that close as we think?
why analyse.
so anyway she only "knows" about my obsessive habits having heard them from me or read in the blog, she has no first hand experience and i can still see her say "so this is what you meant".
she also had no idea about my healthy liking for toilet humour. after initial displeasure she soon learned to cope, and even bought me an entire roll of toilet paper.
the thing about being with june is,for me ie, i always end up wanting to be a lil more like her. of course its limited to the days i am with her and maybe a few hours since. i always prefer going back to sarcasm as opposed to her wit and conversational skills.
she is immedietly comfortable with most people, am not.
she uses humor to impress, i use sarcasm and turn people off. she is tall and loud and fun to be with, am mostly dark and gloomy and goofy.
so its no wonder me wanting a little of her but then again am happy this way too.
as for my weekend, except the part where i sat on my ass in clubs playing snake on my phone and watch very drunk women do many drunk things, i had fun. clubbing is simply not my scene, pubs, lounges and drinking is. i went to koshys for my bfast and i bought many cheap things off comm street, the prettiest earrings,i found dexter on june's bro's comp, see? i need less to stay happy! low maintainence you see.
ps: this is to say a big big sorry to p for bringing her to Hrc the first time we met! and making you yell by way of conversation over all that noise and then not being able to catch up again!
pps: oh! oh also i got hit on! my first after being married, this firang who btw was cute came up and asked me if i was with someone and i said yes, my friends. so he said "no someone someone?" which was weird but anyway so i ball my fist and show him my ring and say am marrried and would not want to dance.
he obviously saw only my fist cos he stood around looking uncomfy so i got up and said my polite no's and send him off.
its wonderful being hit on again.
so yes,thats all there was.
i am off to delhi next and pune to meet my next set of friends. if only life was always this wonderful.
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