Nothing to do with lottery tickets,just what came into my head when i started typing. Short and quick this shall be,running low on time,money,energy,will and running high on paranoia,many weird ailments,fat,and plans.
So i have to write the exam in less than 4 weeks and i have decided to split it up,so it shall be applications to five journalism schools and five Mfa programs in fiction and creative writing.
Deadlines are coming up, this new found decision basically means brushing up,editing and re writing many stories again and again till i end up feeling like what the hell,who the hell wrote this and many such antagonistic feelings.
Symbiosis,the *colorful abusive word of your choice has to come around with my transcript or else am in big trouble and worse,with no one to blame.
A thing called statement of purpose is making me nervous, havent touched analytical writing yet, and there is no food at home.
i have been spoiled with beef fry and mutton biriyanis and shepherds pie and now back to a life of self cooking and bois cooking doesnt sound too bright.
All i want is december to come.
oh there will be my first snow before that and you shall be treated to many ridiculous pictures when that happens.
for now back to Despotic, diabolical,degenerate,digress,detrimental,despotic,demented
you get the idea.
Tuesday, August 31, 2010
Monday, August 23, 2010
Tuesday, August 17, 2010
This Girl
Is a happy child,with tickets back home in december.
Is getting ready for her first road trip all the way to Boston and is also going to be driving more than 3 hours straight at a stretch
Is also going to see a very well loved Aunt and be fed,just the way she deserves to be.
Is also been losing weight steadily and might just look pretty in dresses
Is also having evil thoughts of shopping for shoes and has promised herself upon her husband and sister that she wont. so now she cant. She WONT.
Is also hosting a onam sadya with ten different curries and one paysam on this sunday and its entirely possible that will be in bad mood from friday on if things dont go exactly the way she is thinking,so people who talk to her regulary should probably screen their calls.
Is also panicking about exams.
But this girl is one very very happy child when she is falling asleep cos she has tickets to go back home!!!
Is getting ready for her first road trip all the way to Boston and is also going to be driving more than 3 hours straight at a stretch
Is also going to see a very well loved Aunt and be fed,just the way she deserves to be.
Is also been losing weight steadily and might just look pretty in dresses
Is also having evil thoughts of shopping for shoes and has promised herself upon her husband and sister that she wont. so now she cant. She WONT.
Is also hosting a onam sadya with ten different curries and one paysam on this sunday and its entirely possible that will be in bad mood from friday on if things dont go exactly the way she is thinking,so people who talk to her regulary should probably screen their calls.
Is also panicking about exams.
But this girl is one very very happy child when she is falling asleep cos she has tickets to go back home!!!
Friday, August 13, 2010
How we fool each other
Boi and I happily leave our sandals bang in the middle of living room after we get back from wherever,which is ok cos we are so tired yadda yadda but soon I go into the stage where I want everything squeaky clean so I go and quickly put mine away. Now its just boi’s pair of sandals,shoes socks etc lying around giving me vulnerable looks cos they “know” whats coming. boi never learns. So he will come waltzing in and i will be all “what the hell is the matter with you,cant you at least put them away,cluttering the room et and all ” and boi will immedietly go “oh yaa what about your blue…” that’s all he gets,cos he will turn around to point at the evidence and be all “eh”
Much fun.
Bois turn.
Boi can never make his mind up about what side of the bed he wants to occupy. He will keep moving around redefining the Loc. Very irritating. Esp in the dark, with just reading light on and I am searching for my book or something in the almost non see-able dark when boi again hurries in and jumps onto my side-as-i-am-watching and despite my raised eyebrows he continues to occupy my side,grinning widely. I am like ok fine ( lets just show him how adults behave) I go to the other side in the DARK AND I find that he is jumped to that side. Again. ALLRIGHT AND I stupidly move to the other side..boi.moves. I Yell.
Thursday, August 12, 2010
Eee Vazhi Vaa (come this way)
I had Decided not to blog about this but its an itch and its got to be scratched. So. I am working on this script,well thats putting it ambitiously,i have started and am nowhere. The final product is to be a mallu movie.That sounds odd.A Malayalam movie.
I have the story,the characters,the situations and even lines. My Malayalam is pretty good,even the written word.
For so long i watched so many of our movies from the ridiculous to the excellent to the artsy types and the one's with excellent lines and a script but miserable box office failures.
I watched the Sathyan sir,Nazir,Jayan with their Jayabharathi-sharadha times to the Ratheesh-seema-A young Shobana,Lanky Mammooty,Meesha less Mohanlal and so much,so much more. I picked favorites,re saw them,loved some lines,listened to the music,loved the lyrics.
Sometimes people talk about finding it easy doing whatever they are doing, i have never had that. But the minute this happened,the story came together,the lines were easy,it felt so right.But am sure that is probably just me,the husband and P.
The remaining world might not think so which is fine,really,cos i am willing to put me up there naked in all the blushing glory and be told umm this blows. or get everything ripped apart and i can bleed. But again that s ok cos i am expecting it. So the worst that can happen is someone liking it and me fainting.
Now the hard part. The hard bloody part is writing.Its slow and terribly painful.especially cos i write a half on one side of the sheet and the rewrite in malayalam on the other side,Thats the only way it works and i alternate between being terribly proud and then re reading and thinking wtf!
I have some screen play of some good Mallu movies with me,so i read them in the hope that a written line can sound that ridiculous but beautiful when said out aloud by a character,in time in the right place and then i try again. I need to remember constantly about cliches and the same time not go overboard with the feminism and womens rights and strong women character thoughts.And like P said whoever agrees to film it (if at all,,cross your toes too!!) ,might want to cut it up,cut roles,minimise what i originally intended. Do i say No then? can i say no then?
Now the bigger problem is i have to study for this damned exam, Ok not damned (what if gre gods are listening) This exam. cos if the script doesnt happen i still need to drink kanji. (malayalam saying) i still need to eat chicken.So i cant do both. The Math is perplexing enough as it is. So even if i start mid october i have 3whole months before i approach someone.
Is 3months enough..how much writing a day is really enough.Hate being an amateur. why dint i go to film school ( Do the whining later) Allright then.
I have the story,the characters,the situations and even lines. My Malayalam is pretty good,even the written word.
For so long i watched so many of our movies from the ridiculous to the excellent to the artsy types and the one's with excellent lines and a script but miserable box office failures.
I watched the Sathyan sir,Nazir,Jayan with their Jayabharathi-sharadha times to the Ratheesh-seema-A young Shobana,Lanky Mammooty,Meesha less Mohanlal and so much,so much more. I picked favorites,re saw them,loved some lines,listened to the music,loved the lyrics.
Sometimes people talk about finding it easy doing whatever they are doing, i have never had that. But the minute this happened,the story came together,the lines were easy,it felt so right.But am sure that is probably just me,the husband and P.
The remaining world might not think so which is fine,really,cos i am willing to put me up there naked in all the blushing glory and be told umm this blows. or get everything ripped apart and i can bleed. But again that s ok cos i am expecting it. So the worst that can happen is someone liking it and me fainting.
Now the hard part. The hard bloody part is writing.Its slow and terribly painful.especially cos i write a half on one side of the sheet and the rewrite in malayalam on the other side,Thats the only way it works and i alternate between being terribly proud and then re reading and thinking wtf!
I have some screen play of some good Mallu movies with me,so i read them in the hope that a written line can sound that ridiculous but beautiful when said out aloud by a character,in time in the right place and then i try again. I need to remember constantly about cliches and the same time not go overboard with the feminism and womens rights and strong women character thoughts.And like P said whoever agrees to film it (if at all,,cross your toes too!!) ,might want to cut it up,cut roles,minimise what i originally intended. Do i say No then? can i say no then?
Now the bigger problem is i have to study for this damned exam, Ok not damned (what if gre gods are listening) This exam. cos if the script doesnt happen i still need to drink kanji. (malayalam saying) i still need to eat chicken.So i cant do both. The Math is perplexing enough as it is. So even if i start mid october i have 3whole months before i approach someone.
Is 3months enough..how much writing a day is really enough.Hate being an amateur. why dint i go to film school ( Do the whining later) Allright then.
Wednesday, August 11, 2010
Everything In Moderation
Ok,so this is going to be one of those posts from which i shall come out feeling thoroughly happy that am finally saying it and also the nagging feeling that i just displayed my creepy side to the world. But whatever, right.
So i am really not a jealous person,envious or even remotely greedy,well,except for Mallu food( different post,again!!)
Appo,that means if you have something wonderful happening to you,am fine with it,maybe even happy for you depending on where you stand on the graph (another post!),if i dont know you thaaat well and whatever wonder happened for you is like mesmerizing ( louw the word) then i might feel a little green but that goes away in the matter of a few minutes. I might even put up with listening to you go on and on and on about the oh so awesome paris trip or your teeny tiny new waist size (zimble matters ), your new job that pays well enough for your impromptu holidays and a kind understanding boss ( allright a little green but meh)
ok so enough with that,all of you understood? allright. so THIS is why it bothers me so sooo sooooo badly that am insanely jealous,like ponder on it while biting-my-nails envious about this one woman, who i slander secretly by calling her chica and chick and doll and such offensive words in my head. I constantly look up what she is doing,did she get a new job, did she cut her hair again ( ah well,even there now arent we. ugh) stalk her on facebook types, read the things she writes on other peoples walls and even have a dream about her.
sigh.
I guess you want to know more, so this girl studied with me in school. Even then she was very adorable. she used to tell me how she thought i was the prettiest girl much to her pretty best-friend's consternation and i would be all eeeee but not beleive it. I had many self esteem issues,i mean i still do,on a lower level though!
so once, back then i coudnt quite afford lip balms.
and my parents thought they were clearly a waste for a school kid, so i found an alternative! coconut oil for the lips. Breeleant solution.It makes lips very pink too..So the girl asked me where i found this awesome,glossy lip balm from and i said "its foreeein" sigh. Sometimes i really dislike the kid i was.
she read everything just one step ahead of me, she loved the bands that i would discover in my later years back in bledy 12th. she had this sister,older,who was all for "do what you love,love what you do" motto with her ngo stuff and who started a kickboxing centre for women, and who dint crumble and die when her boyfriend of 4 years decided he dint want to get married after all. she just picked up,moved on and found someone else. This was all back when i was moping and crying about fat ugly men. so i heard all these stories and thought what the hell. stop it now. and i too picked up and left.
so in a way i always think of this girl's sister as a cataylst types.
Looks like am obsessing with both now. um.
The girl then did her Masters in Eco,same here.
The girl then got smart and did her Masters in communication,me, on the other hand did stupidity and did a masters in blah blah.
The girl then got a job with a paper.Same here.
The girl then quit and moved to work with the rural folks in some god forsaken town. This girl fell in louw and got married.
Now the girl has disappeared from Facebook and so this girl cant stalk her anymore and be thoroughly updated on her activities.
So yes, this is it.
what a load off.
I am quite creepy. hmm.
So i am really not a jealous person,envious or even remotely greedy,well,except for Mallu food( different post,again!!)
Appo,that means if you have something wonderful happening to you,am fine with it,maybe even happy for you depending on where you stand on the graph (another post!),if i dont know you thaaat well and whatever wonder happened for you is like mesmerizing ( louw the word) then i might feel a little green but that goes away in the matter of a few minutes. I might even put up with listening to you go on and on and on about the oh so awesome paris trip or your teeny tiny new waist size (zimble matters ), your new job that pays well enough for your impromptu holidays and a kind understanding boss ( allright a little green but meh)
ok so enough with that,all of you understood? allright. so THIS is why it bothers me so sooo sooooo badly that am insanely jealous,like ponder on it while biting-my-nails envious about this one woman, who i slander secretly by calling her chica and chick and doll and such offensive words in my head. I constantly look up what she is doing,did she get a new job, did she cut her hair again ( ah well,even there now arent we. ugh) stalk her on facebook types, read the things she writes on other peoples walls and even have a dream about her.
sigh.
I guess you want to know more, so this girl studied with me in school. Even then she was very adorable. she used to tell me how she thought i was the prettiest girl much to her pretty best-friend's consternation and i would be all eeeee but not beleive it. I had many self esteem issues,i mean i still do,on a lower level though!
so once, back then i coudnt quite afford lip balms.
and my parents thought they were clearly a waste for a school kid, so i found an alternative! coconut oil for the lips. Breeleant solution.It makes lips very pink too..So the girl asked me where i found this awesome,glossy lip balm from and i said "its foreeein" sigh. Sometimes i really dislike the kid i was.
she read everything just one step ahead of me, she loved the bands that i would discover in my later years back in bledy 12th. she had this sister,older,who was all for "do what you love,love what you do" motto with her ngo stuff and who started a kickboxing centre for women, and who dint crumble and die when her boyfriend of 4 years decided he dint want to get married after all. she just picked up,moved on and found someone else. This was all back when i was moping and crying about fat ugly men. so i heard all these stories and thought what the hell. stop it now. and i too picked up and left.
so in a way i always think of this girl's sister as a cataylst types.
Looks like am obsessing with both now. um.
The girl then did her Masters in Eco,same here.
The girl then got smart and did her Masters in communication,me, on the other hand did stupidity and did a masters in blah blah.
The girl then got a job with a paper.Same here.
The girl then quit and moved to work with the rural folks in some god forsaken town. This girl fell in louw and got married.
Now the girl has disappeared from Facebook and so this girl cant stalk her anymore and be thoroughly updated on her activities.
So yes, this is it.
what a load off.
I am quite creepy. hmm.
Sunday, August 8, 2010
Motta And Mushroom
So it was the weekend, well it still is. so yesterday was saturday.. ok i wont dillydally anymore ( funny word right?) OK really. so i kind of cut off my hair.
Is june still there? :0
ps: The boi became a motta-shaved head ie, if anyone non mallu happens to be reading,though am highly doubting anyone is reading!
so now i look like a mushroom and he is the motta. thus the title.
saturday saw us both wake up late,me still with very bootiful long hair, i have been talking about this for ever.this chopping hair off,but many factors stood in the way, like wide eyed grandmoms, irked moms, one june,the general feeling that i will look pretty stupid. The last time i did this was in 6th std and my god it was not a pleasant sight. i had oil dripping hair and side bangs like "jayan" and i wore these long skirts with full sleeved tops and generally added to the pollution around.
but now,now am a pretty child. well,almost and let me tell you all you doubting thomases,i look good.
not too bad. really.
i could be a boi, thats how short it is. the lady at the parlor was very sweet and understanding about the emotional upheaval and the significant amount of hair that was going,she asked me if i would like to keep it in a pony. that was a little creepy though,so i decided not to. Anyway misty, cut it off at the nape and i shook my head and it felt so goood! so this is how boi's live eh!! so light headed.
And then she snipped and just went at it! i dint realise i had my hands all fisted ( you know what i mean) and one guy decides to show me the positves- Imagine how much shampoo i will be saving. Right.
The thing is i just wanted to do it once,you know. I knew it would feel extremely awesome but i kept wondering about a thousand things, you would think how hard is it! but i worried about it not growing back in the same heavy lush way it is, it never growing back and then i found all these reasons why i should just get it done with.
It was so irritating to go back and forth like this and i kept telling myself- stop,its just hair! but then immedietly i would imagine a 40 plus balding me. The what people would say part-doesnt matter anymore,not that it ever really did, but Mallu family and friends have an amazing way of creeping in to your activities and proclaiming their space. But am far far away to even hear it.
and now i feel so good. The boi who was very skeptical and anxious and such and who asked me "exactly how short" at least his concerns had to do with "oh but you have such pretty hair, and the use of the word beautiful a lot" and so when i told him like Barkha Dutt short,though i dont like "her" or Arundhati Roy short- who i am re liking now.
He was quite appalled and he went on to considered the size of my head which apprently wouldnt go well with short hair but clearly he was wrong,proved by the eeee grin on his face when i finally got done,yes,he stayed and kept me company :)
So here i am - The mushroom.
ps: The boi felt all jealous and bitter and alone in this long hair world :p Jk. Boi decided he dint want any hair at all and shaved it all off. Though i was little worried if i would still be turned on by a bald head,all that was resolved when he emerged looking not shiny bald but sort of green. yeah doesnt sound too good. But he has this really small round nice head and it looks good!
and then i got jealous and bitter at how wonderful he must be feeling. yeah i dint though,that would be like really pushing it!
Here is to Motta and Mushroom.
Is june still there? :0
ps: The boi became a motta-shaved head ie, if anyone non mallu happens to be reading,though am highly doubting anyone is reading!
so now i look like a mushroom and he is the motta. thus the title.
saturday saw us both wake up late,me still with very bootiful long hair, i have been talking about this for ever.this chopping hair off,but many factors stood in the way, like wide eyed grandmoms, irked moms, one june,the general feeling that i will look pretty stupid. The last time i did this was in 6th std and my god it was not a pleasant sight. i had oil dripping hair and side bangs like "jayan" and i wore these long skirts with full sleeved tops and generally added to the pollution around.
but now,now am a pretty child. well,almost and let me tell you all you doubting thomases,i look good.
not too bad. really.
i could be a boi, thats how short it is. the lady at the parlor was very sweet and understanding about the emotional upheaval and the significant amount of hair that was going,she asked me if i would like to keep it in a pony. that was a little creepy though,so i decided not to. Anyway misty, cut it off at the nape and i shook my head and it felt so goood! so this is how boi's live eh!! so light headed.
And then she snipped and just went at it! i dint realise i had my hands all fisted ( you know what i mean) and one guy decides to show me the positves- Imagine how much shampoo i will be saving. Right.
The thing is i just wanted to do it once,you know. I knew it would feel extremely awesome but i kept wondering about a thousand things, you would think how hard is it! but i worried about it not growing back in the same heavy lush way it is, it never growing back and then i found all these reasons why i should just get it done with.
It was so irritating to go back and forth like this and i kept telling myself- stop,its just hair! but then immedietly i would imagine a 40 plus balding me. The what people would say part-doesnt matter anymore,not that it ever really did, but Mallu family and friends have an amazing way of creeping in to your activities and proclaiming their space. But am far far away to even hear it.
and now i feel so good. The boi who was very skeptical and anxious and such and who asked me "exactly how short" at least his concerns had to do with "oh but you have such pretty hair, and the use of the word beautiful a lot" and so when i told him like Barkha Dutt short,though i dont like "her" or Arundhati Roy short- who i am re liking now.
He was quite appalled and he went on to considered the size of my head which apprently wouldnt go well with short hair but clearly he was wrong,proved by the eeee grin on his face when i finally got done,yes,he stayed and kept me company :)
So here i am - The mushroom.
ps: The boi felt all jealous and bitter and alone in this long hair world :p Jk. Boi decided he dint want any hair at all and shaved it all off. Though i was little worried if i would still be turned on by a bald head,all that was resolved when he emerged looking not shiny bald but sort of green. yeah doesnt sound too good. But he has this really small round nice head and it looks good!
and then i got jealous and bitter at how wonderful he must be feeling. yeah i dint though,that would be like really pushing it!
Here is to Motta and Mushroom.
Tuesday, August 3, 2010
why none of that gymming ever works
chilli paneer and spicy chicken roast,boi forgot to click my yummy meat cutlet pics. but feel free to use your imagination.
Monday, August 2, 2010
Bleh
I miss june. seeing her call on the screen and then not picking up,calling her back and then her not picking up. listen to her say good morning in a sickeningly bright voice that does nothing to make me think yeah it is a good morning! tell her what a sad vegetarian life she is leading! Try getting her exploits details out of her which is really hard,i still dont know one very important detail which she says "we are still not close enough for"
Think about why we havent had our first big fight yet.
Be totally loved and spoiled,hugged and mauled whenever i meet her,put up with being pinched really hard a few times and then get mad and pinch her back. hear her say woohoo for any god damned small tiny thing,sit behind her on the scooty and not hold her cos she is too ticklish and i can see me dying because of one unwarranted slight touch! insist that she take me to koshys. suggest books to her and then hear her mutter "no will read,dint read,might read"
Have her tell me in the greatest of details who said what and did what this time! Shani stories. upma stories. Rasam stories. ugh. whine about work, about the multi colored socks,an affinity we both share. have my shoe obsession made fun of. and some reaaly reeeeally sad jokes at which i am sure only,only i laugh and she isnt even thankful. Have her go about my babies and the only person who tells me i will be good at it. read her old messages about her being the one with the cat :) and smile definitely knowing it wont be so. keep a look out for all possible tam brahms i could set her up with and then hear her go about how "if i dont turn up for the wedding" then what will happen to me,lines. ..and more,more i cant remember now.
I love you much my most loved hyena laughter woman.
Think about why we havent had our first big fight yet.
Be totally loved and spoiled,hugged and mauled whenever i meet her,put up with being pinched really hard a few times and then get mad and pinch her back. hear her say woohoo for any god damned small tiny thing,sit behind her on the scooty and not hold her cos she is too ticklish and i can see me dying because of one unwarranted slight touch! insist that she take me to koshys. suggest books to her and then hear her mutter "no will read,dint read,might read"
Have her tell me in the greatest of details who said what and did what this time! Shani stories. upma stories. Rasam stories. ugh. whine about work, about the multi colored socks,an affinity we both share. have my shoe obsession made fun of. and some reaaly reeeeally sad jokes at which i am sure only,only i laugh and she isnt even thankful. Have her go about my babies and the only person who tells me i will be good at it. read her old messages about her being the one with the cat :) and smile definitely knowing it wont be so. keep a look out for all possible tam brahms i could set her up with and then hear her go about how "if i dont turn up for the wedding" then what will happen to me,lines. ..and more,more i cant remember now.
I love you much my most loved hyena laughter woman.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)