Those people who say "Its ok". where are they.

Why is it so hard to be nice to me. is it my face? or is it anything i say. cos i dont remember saying anything at all.
why is it so bloody necessary to push me down each time and put me in a place from where i have difficulty re-motivating me, where i have to repeatedly say "its ok" in my head,till that line sounds shrill even to me.
you know,am just pretending to do this thing right now where i act like i dont know why this is happening. its pretty silly.
pretend to a blog. who doesnt care what crap you load here.
what surprises the most is that there is genuine dislike and i honestly dint know that was possible.
i understand strangers not liking me. maybe its my language or my attitude or my clothes!
whatever.
but this,this is just absolutely knock out stuff.
and what is really tiring me out is: each time i decide this is it! am not going to listen to this anymore. does that really happen.
i am drawn each time into it, not cos i feel d need to clarify but more cos i cant believe so much time has passed by and its not over yet.
what is considered a good mourning period. gime a number. a ball park,anything.
i like time lines. if you could just tell me how long i am going to be doing this regret thing and how long the other side is going to be pushing me over then maybe i could deal with this better.
why dont you get it. i AM a better person. already.
i dont need these classes to make me one.
if that is what the intention is.
what if its not.
i dont want to go there.