The Stranger Song

I have always thought i knew me well. i was comfortable with the person they told me i was. Growing up i was always the abouve average kid. The one whose parents were always told " she can make it big if only she would try", another one was " has potential". i got so familiar with this and then my report cards that said " should try little harder" and words said over and again of lack of initiative.
now, i hadnt believed any of that but you know how it is.
you hear the same thing over and over you tend to go with that thought. so i became the one who could, but dint.
i dint scrape through. i made an effort when i felt so.and that was very rare.
when school was about to end and the finals were coming up they have this irritating habit of testing you just before it! i have never really understood that. it only sends kids into panic modes anyway.
i dint pay much attention to this last minute itch and with just one month left for exams i flunked my way through most of it.
and except for that vague nagging doubt that it wouldnt be taken well at home, it dint matter. there was a month more!
the teacher lady insisted on calling the mother and filling her ears with some garbage who in turn banged some plates around and gave me the silent treatment and it was as much annoyance than anything with which i finally sat down and opened the books.
i scored some 80 plus something with A1, remember A1?yeah well. A1 in all except one subject.
one measly A2 made its weary way into the report which was expectedly given the cold shoulder by the mother.
in any case
my point was i have never been one to show any kind of drive or enthusiasm.
the only times i have shown welcome initiative was to buy books and give away any advice if asked.
and thus college went on.
post grad went on.
all decisions that were taken for me.
my mild protest sometimes would welcome disapproval and thus i continue being the just above average kid.
Sometimes it pisses me off that i wasted two whole years doing an Mba that did nothing for me.except perhaps bring about a lil more much needed self confidence but otherwise a very wasted 2 years. in all sense.
wasted i repeat so that you get the emphasis.

and now.
i have this job. something that i love doing, look forward to each day. dont mind the hourse, dont mind any extra work handed over. dont mind learning page making tools, despite being not so tech savvy.
despite not having my name come up in by lines.
despite editing out crap people write, make it look better and in the end be as unknown as ever.
i dont care.
the efforts i make surprise me so much every day.
and then i realise what a stranger i have been to myself.
i can recongnise me and that just makes me so happy, that i have me.
this might not make sense. but thats ok.
its so relieveing to like the person you are. to be in that stage where only your opinion about you matters.
i dont need approval, not even the tiniest bit. and this kind of security has never been there.its such an entirely new and extremely welcome feeling.that it helps to wake up every day and feel steady.
so there. thats all that needs to be said.
here is to me.

ps: from now the titles are going to be songs.