I have had enough.
The one thing that makes me happy is Amma, V, and food and even that seems to be not enough. I cant believe how sick I have been. In the three and half weeks I have been here, I am on a healthy dose of medicines--antibiotics-- that too for about two weeks! The only decent thing about this ordeal is that A got to meet my patient doctor. Amma isnt nagging me much about my immunity because A fell sick too. Thank god! Even though its a horrid thing to say, thank god! Amma would never have been this less full of comments had it been just me.
The food while it still holds its sway over me is simply not enough anymore. I mean yes, it makes up for other miseries.
My parents havent talked for more than four months now. And oh thank you god, thank you so much for making sure that A got to witness it first hand. I thank you whole- heartedly for that awkward embarrassing oh so shaming days where my dad stayed home for FIVE days and did not eat food at home or speak to anyone save for me and then left after fighting with me and announcing that "this was all my fault, because if it weren't for my women's liberation talks, Amma would still have been... " What? Please complete this sentence dear father.
Then there is Amma, of course with whom 90% of the time I only feel this all consuming maddening need to protect and love and god knows what which I am sure is annoying after a point except that I don't realize it in time and thus all my protection schemes end in " why the hell doesn't anyone appreciate what the fuck I am doing" = tears= wailing= A looking like a poor traveler stuck midst lunatics. While some of this might sound funny, it truly is not.
I got ''thondaled" already. And he got slapped on his arm because that was my instant reaction. I should really have slapped all my anger on him. Then the day gets better when a car knocks its rear view mirror on Amma's arm and then they have to stop and a crowd gathers and we all yell back and forth.
Then there was the Guruvayur trip. Hello God. Recognize me? He must because I spend two and a half days there! You surely saw me wandering around, sulking from moment-moment. I tried my best to put on my bessht face for A's mum because I think she deserves it for all the love, and non interfering mother in law that she is but despite my intentions sometimes it became too much. Some astrologer had told her that we were to spend a whole day in the temple/24hrs. So there we were. On an evening, then the whole of next day and then the next morning, I decided enough, let them go and slept in.
What happened to Sri Lanka trip? Not going to happen. I wont get into whys but at the end of it we are off to Goa and guess what the holy fuck is happening today? Chums with its ten heads of pain! I don't have the minutest of energy left for "fun"
The one thing that makes me happy is Amma, V, and food and even that seems to be not enough. I cant believe how sick I have been. In the three and half weeks I have been here, I am on a healthy dose of medicines--antibiotics-- that too for about two weeks! The only decent thing about this ordeal is that A got to meet my patient doctor. Amma isnt nagging me much about my immunity because A fell sick too. Thank god! Even though its a horrid thing to say, thank god! Amma would never have been this less full of comments had it been just me.
The food while it still holds its sway over me is simply not enough anymore. I mean yes, it makes up for other miseries.
My parents havent talked for more than four months now. And oh thank you god, thank you so much for making sure that A got to witness it first hand. I thank you whole- heartedly for that awkward embarrassing oh so shaming days where my dad stayed home for FIVE days and did not eat food at home or speak to anyone save for me and then left after fighting with me and announcing that "this was all my fault, because if it weren't for my women's liberation talks, Amma would still have been... " What? Please complete this sentence dear father.
Then there is Amma, of course with whom 90% of the time I only feel this all consuming maddening need to protect and love and god knows what which I am sure is annoying after a point except that I don't realize it in time and thus all my protection schemes end in " why the hell doesn't anyone appreciate what the fuck I am doing" = tears= wailing= A looking like a poor traveler stuck midst lunatics. While some of this might sound funny, it truly is not.
I got ''thondaled" already. And he got slapped on his arm because that was my instant reaction. I should really have slapped all my anger on him. Then the day gets better when a car knocks its rear view mirror on Amma's arm and then they have to stop and a crowd gathers and we all yell back and forth.
Then there was the Guruvayur trip. Hello God. Recognize me? He must because I spend two and a half days there! You surely saw me wandering around, sulking from moment-moment. I tried my best to put on my bessht face for A's mum because I think she deserves it for all the love, and non interfering mother in law that she is but despite my intentions sometimes it became too much. Some astrologer had told her that we were to spend a whole day in the temple/24hrs. So there we were. On an evening, then the whole of next day and then the next morning, I decided enough, let them go and slept in.
What happened to Sri Lanka trip? Not going to happen. I wont get into whys but at the end of it we are off to Goa and guess what the holy fuck is happening today? Chums with its ten heads of pain! I don't have the minutest of energy left for "fun"
2 comments:
Oh dear! I have to admit I laughed at the the Dear father, please complete the sentence.
Hope it gets better, after all the madness. Goa is good for that.
Goa truly made my day-s!
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