Million lil Pieces

In the deepest,darkest part of my once shattered to a million pieces, heart, i have firmly managed to convince myself that betrayal is normal
its a given
i expect it so much that sometimes i feel am looking forward to it.
all this only cos the minute someone does it i can go "ah there you see'"
something like a self full filling prophecy
and yes am aware how entirely pathetic that sounds.

but i would so totally be here than where i was.
it creeps me out so much each time i think about it. and then i have to completely shut down and start yet again
do you have any frigging clue how hard that is?

any day i tell my self
any coming up day u will wake up and u shall find yourself completely healed of thoughts,actions,the sheer panic,embarassment and you know that feeling? that dagger in the heart? ha
yes of all that..miraculously gone.

dont want to sound shakespearean what with the dagger and all
but all s well that ends well.