No Harm In Trying

So lets see. i can do this.
while all around me people are updating and changing status messages, making countdowns first on a day index and now on an hourly basis,all around me are pictures clicked,flashes and last minute jokes.
all around are people desperate and valiantly clinging on to something that is over and all they want it to talk memories.
i get it
i really do.
there is no holding this against anyone.
but when you ask me, so how can you not feel anything
i run out of answers.
and this is my attempt to pin down some fleeing emotion as they try escaping, so that i can be a part too of this drama.
so that i too can say "hey remember when..?"
but there is really nothing. as hard as i try i feel nothing for this place and day to day living that happened here.
why?
maybe cos i dint belong.
maybe cos i was never meant to be a part of this.
and even as i say this a part of me is gleefuly saying "hey loser these are just excuses,cover ups"
he is right.
i am not for management education
its no excuse. and now when people ask why i did not sit for any jobs i do want to explain that i dont want to be that person
u know that person?
who works somewhere for a while and then realises that this is not it.
he is a cliche.
his job is a cliche
movies are made and books are written about his misery.
and now anyone who dare says something about doing what they are meant to are given the raised eye brow
its recession after all
take what you get
pay your bills
i am not that old yet
i dont have rent to pay or groceries to buy,i can afford to be an aficionado of her muses
i can say dialogues about wanting to be different
trust me i mean them.

we have gone way away from where we began
lets see where were we? yes this place
so il miss this room
this one i shared wt Es. i was hesistant when i did.
i had heard stories about her. but hey what did i say about chances.
nothing?
oh well i meant take them on.. how bad can someone be anyway
we got along. you know the thing is? if i want to,i can get along with anyone
and the thing is most times i dont want to.
well i like Es. she is hyper,funny,energetic,she never gets bogged down and she is well alright
a fine bloke lets say
il miss the openness and frankness we shared.
that ability to say anything. if i get pissed i take time. and in that time you dont talk to me.
she tries!
and instead of masking it i say yes
u did piss me off an now just let it be.
we got along fine.
she never closed loo doors but well i forget to flush pee so that makes us even

il miss finicky
my closest friend..someone who gives good advise.
they are rare
like i said, finicky,weird,a tad possessive, beautiful and if not for her,it so wouldnt have been tolerable.
everyone needs someone and she was always that someone.
going against her policy of hugging someone she held me when i cried it out.
fun times of course
n fights.
me you see is imaginative and sometimes not in a good way.
it over runs boundaries.
it goes into modes where it builds up its own stories based on nothing ness or suspicion
i am so so sorry about making you cry. i have never done that to a friend.

there is G
who loved me once. who wanted to marry me.
i would have.
i so would have.
except that i have screwed up so much and there has been so much hatred n hurt i couldnt take a chance on this.
but you should know for all those times you stood by me,for times i have seen tears in your eyes frustration or otherwise
for those times when u pulled me back from harsh decisions n put up wt my confusion n rudeness,i hope to someday be there for you as well
il always be your friend n i louw you.

there is thoma.
what can i say.you made getting used to this place easy
you joked n laughed n then i went hurt you.n you left.
what can i say
what can i say
there is nothing in fact that i could.somethings are best left unsaid..

then there are some more.
shimoo who i seem to want to be with in this last minute
who i get along so fabulously with.
who is sensible n silent n funny
and rahool,rishi maybe some not so important

if you put these people in a different setting n give them to me i am happy

and thus
we are back to
i dont feel anything for this place.