Here is a kind of a problem.
Long back, in once upon a time land my mum stopped opening doors when my father came home late. Well someone else had to stay up and since i am the oldest clearly it had to be me. Such fun. Staying up endlessly on school nights. Anyway i would drag one chair near this window where also the phone was kept. Initially i would call on his mobile phone but then he stopped picking up. And finally i would sit up reading and waiting. Then i took to half sleeping half wakey sort of situations in bed. It was really painful. He would drag him in like 3 or 4 in the morning. Of course beginnings he would "explain" why he had to drink this night. Some times i think i actually bothered trying to see if these were legitimate excuses. My boss was sad today. My boss was happy today. My bonus didnt come. My bonus did come. You did badly in your Math exam, Oh you did well in your English. :/ Needless to say i didnt care anymore. So as soon as i heard the car and the creak of the gates i would open the doors and jump right back in. Then my mum told me, god!! Yeah she told me how robbers and thiefs are prowling these residential areas and in my half sleepy state i might hear the wrong fucking car and open the door and said robber will murder all of us. So there i was back to good old red chair and opening the door to a father who i was as days went by disliking terribly. Then i tried throwing my dirty looks at him. No point. Talking to him, nope.No point.
And then finally i just went back to bed. But i could just not fall back asleep, so there would be basically sleepless nights of stewing in anger and getting late for school.So when i got back in the evenings i would just go to sleep straight which then my parents thought was odd. Seriously? People? Seriously. ugh
And then. They actually had the nerve to ask me if i was doing drugs and if thats why i am sleeping all the time. No. I really wanted to say some horrid things then.Like oh no, not drugs,Just being the product of you two. Anyway i didnt.
So the problem is now. I have no issues with alcohol despite all that. I am kinda surprised at that. one would think after all that i would be thoroughly against it but no.I have indulged happily and wonderfully so in it. Right from college days where my sister started panicking and vowed to tell everyone if she smelt it on me one "more time".
And now i am not too fond of hard liquor anymore. I like fruity colorful drinks with umbrellas in them. :/ Margaritas get me nice and high and that is quite enough for me. Anyway the problem is sometimes i dont want to go out. I am quite happy home reading and blogging and movies and music but boi does. So i ask boi to just go out with his friends. Which boi says he doesnt quite want to so i tag along. But i get bored quick.They are all comp science and other geeky activity entertaining boi's. I have nothing in common with them but i try. So boi goes alone.
Now i cant fall asleep till he is home and the longer he takes i find myself resenting it terribly. The clock shows 12 past and this terrible unreasonable anger takes hold of me.Its not like boi gets home sloshed,he is just playing pool or some nonsense. But i cant help it. I sit on the couch not doing much, with my books just sitting around with me sadly and i am just reminded of all kinds of unpleasantness.
Its so sad how the past never lets go. Its always holding me in grips and traps i dont even see sometimes! Its amazing. Obviously i am not going to let this make me some kinda wife monster but you know writing it helps and also boi knows where its coming from,so he is a patient boi. There is never letting go.I am quite sure.
Long back, in once upon a time land my mum stopped opening doors when my father came home late. Well someone else had to stay up and since i am the oldest clearly it had to be me. Such fun. Staying up endlessly on school nights. Anyway i would drag one chair near this window where also the phone was kept. Initially i would call on his mobile phone but then he stopped picking up. And finally i would sit up reading and waiting. Then i took to half sleeping half wakey sort of situations in bed. It was really painful. He would drag him in like 3 or 4 in the morning. Of course beginnings he would "explain" why he had to drink this night. Some times i think i actually bothered trying to see if these were legitimate excuses. My boss was sad today. My boss was happy today. My bonus didnt come. My bonus did come. You did badly in your Math exam, Oh you did well in your English. :/ Needless to say i didnt care anymore. So as soon as i heard the car and the creak of the gates i would open the doors and jump right back in. Then my mum told me, god!! Yeah she told me how robbers and thiefs are prowling these residential areas and in my half sleepy state i might hear the wrong fucking car and open the door and said robber will murder all of us. So there i was back to good old red chair and opening the door to a father who i was as days went by disliking terribly. Then i tried throwing my dirty looks at him. No point. Talking to him, nope.No point.
And then finally i just went back to bed. But i could just not fall back asleep, so there would be basically sleepless nights of stewing in anger and getting late for school.So when i got back in the evenings i would just go to sleep straight which then my parents thought was odd. Seriously? People? Seriously. ugh
And then. They actually had the nerve to ask me if i was doing drugs and if thats why i am sleeping all the time. No. I really wanted to say some horrid things then.Like oh no, not drugs,Just being the product of you two. Anyway i didnt.
So the problem is now. I have no issues with alcohol despite all that. I am kinda surprised at that. one would think after all that i would be thoroughly against it but no.I have indulged happily and wonderfully so in it. Right from college days where my sister started panicking and vowed to tell everyone if she smelt it on me one "more time".
And now i am not too fond of hard liquor anymore. I like fruity colorful drinks with umbrellas in them. :/ Margaritas get me nice and high and that is quite enough for me. Anyway the problem is sometimes i dont want to go out. I am quite happy home reading and blogging and movies and music but boi does. So i ask boi to just go out with his friends. Which boi says he doesnt quite want to so i tag along. But i get bored quick.They are all comp science and other geeky activity entertaining boi's. I have nothing in common with them but i try. So boi goes alone.
Now i cant fall asleep till he is home and the longer he takes i find myself resenting it terribly. The clock shows 12 past and this terrible unreasonable anger takes hold of me.Its not like boi gets home sloshed,he is just playing pool or some nonsense. But i cant help it. I sit on the couch not doing much, with my books just sitting around with me sadly and i am just reminded of all kinds of unpleasantness.
Its so sad how the past never lets go. Its always holding me in grips and traps i dont even see sometimes! Its amazing. Obviously i am not going to let this make me some kinda wife monster but you know writing it helps and also boi knows where its coming from,so he is a patient boi. There is never letting go.I am quite sure.
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