A year gone.

Something about this day always feel strange and lost to me. Its really not about turning older and still not being able to shake off that familiar feeling of looserdom that i carry around so proudly. Its not. I dont know how it started, ok that is not true i do but i dont want to and wont get into those sad moments of personal history. I will someday.

But then some bits happened and then i lost this wonderful person. This really kind, loving person who i think loved me and my birthdays the most in this whole wide world. I could say i was like a big chunk of her small little world. she looked forward so much to calling me and going to the temple and making payasams even if i wasnt there to drink it. she did it anyway.
I really doubt of someone else ever did or will love me the way she did so unconditionally over the years and i
and i. adored her. I still do. I just grew up weird and acted out and was a really big bastard to her for..for sometime. and then i lost her. we lost her..

Anyway i havent celebrated a birthday in over five years and i dont think i ever will again but that doesn't mean i wont be happy on this day when i turn older and none the wiser.

I shall just do a quick thank you sort of thing for somethings i still do have.

For the boi who is definitely my lobster. You know, lobsters mate for life theory, true or not, anyway you are my that. I adore you and i am glad you have been there for the past two one's and this and the so many more. I am glad you understand though i have never given you any solid reasons and thanks for not surprising me or any other stunts.

For my wonderful/ albeit crazy parents who as i turn older-less wiser i find easier to like and love

For my sister, a creature of wild moodswings and phenomenal tantrums but who still talks,dresses and sounds like a mini me. I kinda hope you dont change. :p

For my friend P. Who over the years has had to wish me in strange ways, like calling first and talking about other things and then saying -anyway, well about today.... and so on.. I love you and all that things i usually say.

For June. For This and because you are June. You stride instead of walking and like did i mention you are June. Its odd but i feel we have become closer over this one year that i have been away! And i know i love you cos i am willing to do the same conversations over and over with you over the years, That is def a restricted advantage :) And i am happy that you are so happy. I dont think i have ever seen you this happy. Well you are generally a happy spirit with maniacal moods in btw. :o Anyway. I louw you.

For Shan: who like he says, takes me kinda for granted but i really dont mind. I am super pysched for everything wonderful that is coming your way.
For friends- Tash and Mari who i havent been too in touch with but who yet talk to me just like any other day as if we were in cochin. Who understand or almost do my weird phone phobias and text me to let me know they still dont think i am losing it  by the day :/

For Talent. That though abysmally visible is still lurking around somewhere. Seriously. If i did not have this one thing. These weird stories that come at all odd moments to me i would be.. well i dont know what i would be.

For still being the same me whose priorities stay the same. A baby and my family first and then some kinda writing related job/screenplay/book thing. I am glad despite all the horrid rejections i still want all this.

Here is to a good place.