Do Not Disturb

This isn't actually my post to write, especially since A is also a blogger and that would make things kind of odd so I wont go into his side of things. That would be his story to tell.

Non-interference is something that I would really like people around me to practice  As for me, I try. I really dislike offering opinions/thoughts/advise et al.. Although the few people close to me do say that when I don't approve, it is rather evident on my face and I am hoping this is something that is restricted entirely to just them. So with my own parents I find it very difficult when they have unwanted opinions-which are quite plentiful now a days-- so you can imagine how it is with A's mother. I have tried to be pleasant and easy-going despite immense difference of opinions over a variety of things. With my parents, I am less forgiving and I make it a point to be very clear about the lines. And since they are used to my reactions, things mostly go smoothly. For e.g my father and I--holy mother of god--do we have our difference of opinions. The latest among which is communism, god and why the communist movement wrecked Kerala in his opinion and how it was entirely necessary in mine.
We however make up almost instantly, perhaps because even our more hurtful comments are direct and straightforward. But with A's mother, I am having a bit of how do you put it- crisis?

Like I said, I can't exactly bring myself to disagree because the environment in his house is very silent, as less noise as is humanly possible and pretty uncomfortable--to be honest. But till now I have been able to navigate it decently. I try to keep quiet as much as possible even when she says things that otherwise I would have dispelled quite easily.

 For e.g a comment about transgenders being a pain in the ass/ scary would have met with equal amounts of displeasure on my part. I find a lot of things she says very offensive and I immediately think--boy if this were my mum she would really have had a discussion on her hand--. But I suppose it's not really my fight. Anyway this time, I had a series of unpleasantness from her. First off, I asked A, quite a while back, about the rules at his place. Of decorum and such, since I figured that his was the kind of place where such things mattered. At my own place I am used to a lot of things, for e.g putting up my feet, or general acrobatics on the couch but at his--everyone actually only sits-on the couch and he said, nothing like that. I think he really didn't think it through. Now when you are visiting for just a day or two, it doesn't matter but when you stay a week, sometimes you slip up and so I sat one day with my feet up on the coffee table and honestly, if his father was passing by or I hear him, I am on the alert and arrange myself into a more acceptable pose. God knows when she saw but she told him a few days later that-- he has been "spoiling me" and that earlier I used to help out in the kitchen and now I am just sitting there with my feet on top of my legs.

This has upset me because 1) I was sick on the said day that I didn't help and I had this racking cough which I felt was disagreeable to everyone and I didn't want to play with water and make it worse. And that we had visited some of his other family and I barley talked because talking makes the cough worse and when she asked, I said this also. But what bothers me more is I HAD OFFERED to help to which I was told--no,don't play with water and make it worse!! So basically I took that for face value because I am only expecting straight forwardness and boy, was I surprised. I was in no way prepared for such weirdness and secondly, I do not appreciate A being told that he is spoiling me. Because if he is, that is between us and no one else and I will not have anyone interfere in that. And what if he is. So what if he is!!


Then there is this whole other issue. Oh lord. She kept mentioning how A is now all into Malayalam movies and knows names of fish after hanging around with me. And the first couple of times I didn't quite notice anything in it but then later it was said to him that his standards have fallen lately and that he now likes standard less Malayalam movies! I don't even..
I wont write about this anymore because my reaction will be rather caustic and bitter.

So to sum up :/ this has been quite the eye opener. I can honestly say that the efforts I have made with her are at least fifty times more than I would even show my mother and in no way is this acceptable. What bothers me now is that I had been looking forward to having them over, but now --not so much-- and even as it makes me angry it is also more --just sad.
I will however get over it simply for A's sake. Because the one thing that surprised me more is his reaction.I know a lot of men who are immensely nice to their wives but caught in a situation like this would try to justify the other side or get bugged and be dismissive because they are simply unable to handle it but A was nice enough to understand this oddity quite well. And for that I am thankful.