I don't know why but I woke up with this line. Terrible no? I have been writing Annie and the unnamed narrator of my little story over and over in my head. I just feel so sorry for her and that is not really a good thing Anyhow. So shall I tell you how paranoid I am? That sounds interesting right?
So! ;) There is quite a bit of prostitution going around. And it ısnt just my hotel but everywhere I suppose because as I was walking home I could see folks hanging around The expensive Crown Plaza, too! So when I was stepping in to my hotel there was a girl next to me; very tall and fair and my presuming assuming mınd said, Ukraınıan! Quite beautiful! She smiled sweetly when we stepped into the lift and I smiled too. Then this man with an apple in his hand stepped in and gave her the apple!! ;/ It was weird standing there watching the apple exchange! Then they got off on my floor and when I turned back, I saw that she was looking my way. Then I fell asleep. But around 12 ısh I get a call and I am a little disoriented and check my mobile to see if my parents had called, and not having got through called reception. I hear a woman's voice say, I want to call a country but first I hear, call from another country and I say, yeah connect me. And she says, no, no, I want to call another country, Libya how to call?? And I am like what for a minute and then I say I don't know and hang up. For some reason my worst fears pop up. You know what my worst fear is Getting chloroformed and beaten and raped. I don't know since a long time this has been my worst fear if alone. And although it is exaggerated and probably a little funny it is also what makes me go home at max 10 in the night and also place a chair against my door so that if someone tries opening my door at least I can hear first It is not too much of an exaggeration though because as every day passes you can see that there is absolutely no accountability for women. Whatever happens, happens. I mean it is 20 fuckıng 13 and we are still saying, what was she wearing why was she with a boy, what time did she get home?? So why should I not have my worst fear?
Anyway it strikes my poor tired brain that the lady calling me is an exaggerated ploy to make sure that is indeed my room and the man with the apple is going to come in and somehow I will end up in Bulgaria! So well I don't sleep for ages. She called again but I placed the receiver away. It is probably as simple, not probably, is as simple as wanting to call Libya but see where I went? Initially for this trip I was going to stay in a hostel dorm but then this fear just got stronger. Without even a door... I couldn't do it. I know lots of women do and return safe but so many also don't and just when I had gotten here, I was watching CNN Turk--İ need to watch something to sleep-- there was this story of a woman from Long Island who had gotten killed in Istanbul. Amma was up too and we just looked at each other. We could tell it was something sordid some kind of sex-love-thing gone wrong just by the music and pictures. Later I found the story online-- Saraı Sıerra-- and the news spoke of how she had stayed in a cheap place to save some cash and kept repeating as though that was what had gone wrong.
All right. I am sad now.
So! ;) There is quite a bit of prostitution going around. And it ısnt just my hotel but everywhere I suppose because as I was walking home I could see folks hanging around The expensive Crown Plaza, too! So when I was stepping in to my hotel there was a girl next to me; very tall and fair and my presuming assuming mınd said, Ukraınıan! Quite beautiful! She smiled sweetly when we stepped into the lift and I smiled too. Then this man with an apple in his hand stepped in and gave her the apple!! ;/ It was weird standing there watching the apple exchange! Then they got off on my floor and when I turned back, I saw that she was looking my way. Then I fell asleep. But around 12 ısh I get a call and I am a little disoriented and check my mobile to see if my parents had called, and not having got through called reception. I hear a woman's voice say, I want to call a country but first I hear, call from another country and I say, yeah connect me. And she says, no, no, I want to call another country, Libya how to call?? And I am like what for a minute and then I say I don't know and hang up. For some reason my worst fears pop up. You know what my worst fear is Getting chloroformed and beaten and raped. I don't know since a long time this has been my worst fear if alone. And although it is exaggerated and probably a little funny it is also what makes me go home at max 10 in the night and also place a chair against my door so that if someone tries opening my door at least I can hear first It is not too much of an exaggeration though because as every day passes you can see that there is absolutely no accountability for women. Whatever happens, happens. I mean it is 20 fuckıng 13 and we are still saying, what was she wearing why was she with a boy, what time did she get home?? So why should I not have my worst fear?
Anyway it strikes my poor tired brain that the lady calling me is an exaggerated ploy to make sure that is indeed my room and the man with the apple is going to come in and somehow I will end up in Bulgaria! So well I don't sleep for ages. She called again but I placed the receiver away. It is probably as simple, not probably, is as simple as wanting to call Libya but see where I went? Initially for this trip I was going to stay in a hostel dorm but then this fear just got stronger. Without even a door... I couldn't do it. I know lots of women do and return safe but so many also don't and just when I had gotten here, I was watching CNN Turk--İ need to watch something to sleep-- there was this story of a woman from Long Island who had gotten killed in Istanbul. Amma was up too and we just looked at each other. We could tell it was something sordid some kind of sex-love-thing gone wrong just by the music and pictures. Later I found the story online-- Saraı Sıerra-- and the news spoke of how she had stayed in a cheap place to save some cash and kept repeating as though that was what had gone wrong.
All right. I am sad now.
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