The thing is I have a great marriage. I feel somehow like an odd duck saying that. Almost like I shouldn't say it out aloud. Not because I will jinx it, I have no such fears but only because people might think me an assehole for announcing it. But all that said, I have a great marriage. You know what I think makes it amazing? Apart from the expected love, honesty, affection, best -friend, good sex, sometimes amazing sex, blah blah. I think it's a mix of intuition on both our parts and paying attention. Can they be acquired? sure. But it has to be a little innate quality too.
I was watching "Take this Waltz" and then started writing this. Here is a quick review to check out.
Initially the movie annoyed me quite a bit. Not just that I have a dislike for Michelle Williams and esp with her playing this quirky thing. Also: why does all eccentric quirky people have to be aspiring writers! Stop it movie makers!. It was like she was trying too hard to be "restless, noticed, and to stand apart" from the rest. And also: who knew Seth Rogen could play the goofy sweet husband role?
But then as it moved on I found myself smiling a little. You know these things you do with your husband/ partner? The cute things? Or the little personal secret games? The startle him in the shower? Hide and jump from corners? Tickle his belly? Tie his hair? Repeat his sentences? Ask him, hmm? hm? till he realizes you are fooling him? Making him certificates for best sex night? This is the best movie I have seen which shows this couple life thing and it's done quite adorably. People are so similar Yes, I dont need a movie to tell me that but I have a feeling so many of these games are so common.
Anyhow Michelle eventually feels attracted to someone else and fights it admirably. Without cliches. The only sex she has is virtual with this guy describing what he would do to her in a cafe. And believe me, this guy delivered the dialogue so well, even I got hot and bothered.
It made me think how is it possible that sometime during the entire life together you will meet someone else you could possibly be attracted to. Isn't it horrible if you are in some rut at that point too and suddenly this option will seem the best thing that could happen to you? These two have been married five years. Five years is nothing. Is that why people have babies? Do babies make you inseparably close? Do babies help cement things better? Isn't virtual sex cheating?
Which is why I will go back to my first statement. I have a great guy. He notices everything. And while that sounds kind of annoying/ alarming it isn't. There is a scene in the movie where they go out on their anniversary. In fact the guy who she is attracted to, who btw pulls a rickshaw takes them there. So they are sitting eating dessert. Seth and Michelle. Its quiet around with just the low hum of chatter. He slurps a little on his spoon. She says, how are you? what is happening. Talk to me.
And he says, all good, what, why?
And she says, well, then ask me how I am doing?
and he says, I know how are you doing. Why should we talk about it?
and she, then why did we come to dinner?
He says, to enjoy good food. I am not going to talk just because you want to feel like you are having a conversation.
Now I realize after writing it that he comes across a little dickish. But he really isn't. He is doing what they have always done probably. But then he doesn't notice the quiet way she pulls back. And i wonder if that is a product of the years going by. Do people just stop noticing? Even people who are initially good at it, who notice signals. Is that enough of a reason to cheat on them? I don't think so. But
I suppose it happens. But to try and change things would mean to first admitting things are not going well to yourself and then to whoever. Which means having that talk. Which is probably hard esp if the other person has been ambling along content how things are. Which means they are going to be surprised. Which means.. What does it mean? I guess what I mean is there is no reason to assume that " non-cheating" comes with the whole getting married deal. Only the truly deserving ought to get it. Michelle is in the other guy's bed and I suppose on the verge of deciding and she starts crying and says, I can't hurt him.
You see? That is a kind of thing you earn. I mean yes, she is in another bed crying, fair enough but that's a different issue born out of other things too. Like her own issues. But that split second decision to not act on your impulses has to be deserving of all the effort your partner has put in over the years, all the difficult things you helped him/ her through. So I think even if A stops noticing a little, I think I will prefer nudging him first before anything else because if there is someone who truly deserves my little love, it's him. While I feel a little bad saying this and you might even wonder if this is possible, I do believe he is the person who loves me the most. Which is hard because parents, you know, are supposed to do the unconditional.
I hope I always notice, I hope I pay attention.
I was watching "Take this Waltz" and then started writing this. Here is a quick review to check out.
Initially the movie annoyed me quite a bit. Not just that I have a dislike for Michelle Williams and esp with her playing this quirky thing. Also: why does all eccentric quirky people have to be aspiring writers! Stop it movie makers!. It was like she was trying too hard to be "restless, noticed, and to stand apart" from the rest. And also: who knew Seth Rogen could play the goofy sweet husband role?
But then as it moved on I found myself smiling a little. You know these things you do with your husband/ partner? The cute things? Or the little personal secret games? The startle him in the shower? Hide and jump from corners? Tickle his belly? Tie his hair? Repeat his sentences? Ask him, hmm? hm? till he realizes you are fooling him? Making him certificates for best sex night? This is the best movie I have seen which shows this couple life thing and it's done quite adorably. People are so similar Yes, I dont need a movie to tell me that but I have a feeling so many of these games are so common.
Anyhow Michelle eventually feels attracted to someone else and fights it admirably. Without cliches. The only sex she has is virtual with this guy describing what he would do to her in a cafe. And believe me, this guy delivered the dialogue so well, even I got hot and bothered.
It made me think how is it possible that sometime during the entire life together you will meet someone else you could possibly be attracted to. Isn't it horrible if you are in some rut at that point too and suddenly this option will seem the best thing that could happen to you? These two have been married five years. Five years is nothing. Is that why people have babies? Do babies make you inseparably close? Do babies help cement things better? Isn't virtual sex cheating?
Which is why I will go back to my first statement. I have a great guy. He notices everything. And while that sounds kind of annoying/ alarming it isn't. There is a scene in the movie where they go out on their anniversary. In fact the guy who she is attracted to, who btw pulls a rickshaw takes them there. So they are sitting eating dessert. Seth and Michelle. Its quiet around with just the low hum of chatter. He slurps a little on his spoon. She says, how are you? what is happening. Talk to me.
And he says, all good, what, why?
And she says, well, then ask me how I am doing?
and he says, I know how are you doing. Why should we talk about it?
and she, then why did we come to dinner?
He says, to enjoy good food. I am not going to talk just because you want to feel like you are having a conversation.
Now I realize after writing it that he comes across a little dickish. But he really isn't. He is doing what they have always done probably. But then he doesn't notice the quiet way she pulls back. And i wonder if that is a product of the years going by. Do people just stop noticing? Even people who are initially good at it, who notice signals. Is that enough of a reason to cheat on them? I don't think so. But
I suppose it happens. But to try and change things would mean to first admitting things are not going well to yourself and then to whoever. Which means having that talk. Which is probably hard esp if the other person has been ambling along content how things are. Which means they are going to be surprised. Which means.. What does it mean? I guess what I mean is there is no reason to assume that " non-cheating" comes with the whole getting married deal. Only the truly deserving ought to get it. Michelle is in the other guy's bed and I suppose on the verge of deciding and she starts crying and says, I can't hurt him.
You see? That is a kind of thing you earn. I mean yes, she is in another bed crying, fair enough but that's a different issue born out of other things too. Like her own issues. But that split second decision to not act on your impulses has to be deserving of all the effort your partner has put in over the years, all the difficult things you helped him/ her through. So I think even if A stops noticing a little, I think I will prefer nudging him first before anything else because if there is someone who truly deserves my little love, it's him. While I feel a little bad saying this and you might even wonder if this is possible, I do believe he is the person who loves me the most. Which is hard because parents, you know, are supposed to do the unconditional.
I hope I always notice, I hope I pay attention.
4 comments:
Some people know what to comment on a post. Well, most of the time (all) I dont.
But yes, I am sure you always will.
You are sweet :)
Do babies help cement things better? Yes. I don’t believe you should have babies for that reason, but the fact is that they do. The aunties were right. But in the short-term, in the early infancy stage, is when couples are driven more apart than ever, and the incidences of cheating extremely high.
Do people just stop noticing? Yes. People do. Is that good enough reason to cheat? Maybe not. But I sense it might be one of the things that lays the groundwork for looking outside your marriage. So that you feel valued somewhere else maybe. Or just to get to get out of a rut.
I need to watch that movie.
Yeah I am sure. Even recently my mum was telling me some story where the guy was in some kind of trouble and his family was like, let's get him married and let him have some babies, he will responsible then! Unbelievable! Yeah I guess there will be all these warning signals but if one isn't paying attention nothing will help, I guess! Yes, do watch the movie! I'd love to know what you think!
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