This could be a reaaaly long post but I will just make it a quick bullet point of the main stuff.
So my friend send me this link to a German inspired Christmas market that rolls in every year and in the photos everything looked so bright and x-massy but as soon as I opened the first food section it showed a certain- warm, spiced wine- and you get to keep the mug as a souvenir. Somehow this made me very sad. I am sure A would give me his mug but I want to drink my own spiced warm wine and keep my mug.
I have been really okay about drinking though. Once you make peace with the fact that you are not going to and that when you go out with buddies, you are going to be the only one saying, water please, then its all good. And also make peace with the - oh, and what will you have? beer?- jokes.
But maybe because this is the tail end (6 weeks, folks, 6 weeks!) its becoming harder. You know how if someone says, no, you cant have the cold lemonade then all you can think of is the damned lemonade? Or is this just me being infantile? Its something like that.
I miss-miss being sexy/ attractive.
A thinks I am cute now which is fine. I feel very cute, too. But that good feeling from wearing a black dress- heels- a dash of lipstick and hair curly ( okay, no hair) but you get the gist. I like seeing me in the mirror, like a pumpkin, like a basketball. I might have some missing feelings for my belly when its gone but I can't imagine being sexy for a really long time.
Which brings me to- TMI- so go away if you don't want to think of my sex life.
I miss sex! I had a lot of, lotttt of sex dreams usually about women but then a few days ago I had a really good one with A and I woke up irritated/ moody/ annoyed. I know, I know. My friend, M, said she had sex till the very end but I don't imagine I can/ will. I mean I can't even see my toes and I haven't shaved my legs- :/ and also: above point. Having sex with a 'cute' person is really not something I personally would look forward to.
I miss being able to eat what I want. This should really have been the first point. You know how constipation is your soul mate when you are pregnant. And I have a history of digestion related issues but somehow, just somehow I have managed to avoid the consties. It has to do with the food, I am sure. But there are just so many things I cant even count on my fingers that I would like to eat. Top of the list: curry bratwurst at the stupid market.
A is defending today, in fact in under an hour. I had always dreamt of being there. Initially just coz. I had no idea what he did but once his dissertation was over, he gave it to me to read. It was a tad boring at first but then the more I read and asked questions it became simpler and easier to understand. And now I can actually explain what the husband does! The doc said I could go, and I was about to when last week I got eerily contraction type symptoms and had to be at the hospital where they monitored, IV'd and finally said, nope. I think its the baby getting in position and related pains. Anyway so we decided not to take the chance and I will google-watch it but I so wanted to be there and also for the after partay! I will just make it up during the May graduation ceremony, I suppose but it was so disheartening to send him off alone.
There is ice-skating at Lincoln Park for 5$. Next year.
So my friend send me this link to a German inspired Christmas market that rolls in every year and in the photos everything looked so bright and x-massy but as soon as I opened the first food section it showed a certain- warm, spiced wine- and you get to keep the mug as a souvenir. Somehow this made me very sad. I am sure A would give me his mug but I want to drink my own spiced warm wine and keep my mug.
I have been really okay about drinking though. Once you make peace with the fact that you are not going to and that when you go out with buddies, you are going to be the only one saying, water please, then its all good. And also make peace with the - oh, and what will you have? beer?- jokes.
But maybe because this is the tail end (6 weeks, folks, 6 weeks!) its becoming harder. You know how if someone says, no, you cant have the cold lemonade then all you can think of is the damned lemonade? Or is this just me being infantile? Its something like that.
I miss-miss being sexy/ attractive.
A thinks I am cute now which is fine. I feel very cute, too. But that good feeling from wearing a black dress- heels- a dash of lipstick and hair curly ( okay, no hair) but you get the gist. I like seeing me in the mirror, like a pumpkin, like a basketball. I might have some missing feelings for my belly when its gone but I can't imagine being sexy for a really long time.
Which brings me to- TMI- so go away if you don't want to think of my sex life.
I miss sex! I had a lot of, lotttt of sex dreams usually about women but then a few days ago I had a really good one with A and I woke up irritated/ moody/ annoyed. I know, I know. My friend, M, said she had sex till the very end but I don't imagine I can/ will. I mean I can't even see my toes and I haven't shaved my legs- :/ and also: above point. Having sex with a 'cute' person is really not something I personally would look forward to.
I miss being able to eat what I want. This should really have been the first point. You know how constipation is your soul mate when you are pregnant. And I have a history of digestion related issues but somehow, just somehow I have managed to avoid the consties. It has to do with the food, I am sure. But there are just so many things I cant even count on my fingers that I would like to eat. Top of the list: curry bratwurst at the stupid market.
A is defending today, in fact in under an hour. I had always dreamt of being there. Initially just coz. I had no idea what he did but once his dissertation was over, he gave it to me to read. It was a tad boring at first but then the more I read and asked questions it became simpler and easier to understand. And now I can actually explain what the husband does! The doc said I could go, and I was about to when last week I got eerily contraction type symptoms and had to be at the hospital where they monitored, IV'd and finally said, nope. I think its the baby getting in position and related pains. Anyway so we decided not to take the chance and I will google-watch it but I so wanted to be there and also for the after partay! I will just make it up during the May graduation ceremony, I suppose but it was so disheartening to send him off alone.
There is ice-skating at Lincoln Park for 5$. Next year.
No comments:
Post a Comment