Mum and I

Mum and I, work best if we have a couple of oceans between us. It’s been less than a week and we are already on not speaking twice. Though, one thing has changed, she makes up first! That phenomenon itself was so amazing I let her do it twice, but now I feel bad so il take the next one.

The fights itself are super silly but they will escalate into something else if we are a little careless. Plus I think my general tolerance has gone down much because of other problems. So I am ready to snap at any small thing. Not good.

The first fight was so unexpected and quite sad really. So the news in Kerala is quite ridiculous these days or always but now it just seems incredulous. In the paper here are some things I read :

a)      In Malapuram, I believe, a group of women complained to the police that these guys strutting about with low waist jeans, showing off their red and green underwear ( colors subject to imagination) are making them uncomfortable and that action needs to be taken!

Mum and I used to have clothes- arguments. Though I wore whatever was comfy for me always the arguments never stopped. These days she actually doesn’t care but we have still go to argue on it. So my general theory is men who say that “oh of course rapes happen because of the way she dresses” need to be slapped really hard and then other heinous things done to them. Mum says that their argument is quite right to an extent and that in really rural areas this might actually be the case. I honestly don’t think she believes that anymore but because she made this statement once she is sticking it by now, years later. Uhm.

b)      _ A father beat up his three year old kid so bad, so bad and ran away. The papers carried the little kids pictures. His back black and blue, bruised. With cuts and clotted blood..or something. These days I am also very teary eyed about any damned thing and the more I stared at the pictures the more the tears wouldn’t stop. And so I am sitting them fingering the back of the little boy and stupidly I say “ Maybe If this kid didn’t have a mum maybe we could have done something”

Mum immediately pounces on me, like what? Money stuff?, we still can, she says.

I fumble around because that’s not what I meant and she knows it. Adoption is a much gnawed bone with her and she wont let me just let this go. She goes on to say how the kid is cute and sad now, yes, but later the dads genes will show up and what are you going to do then.

I don’t know what I am going to do then. It was just a thought so I had no answers.

This was just a momentary thought and I wouldn’t have acted on it but she makes more lines that make me sound like an irresponsible adult who makes bad decisions for her family. Which you know, I AM NOT.

Then she asks me what would happen if I have one of each, one mine and one not. :/ and mine kicks mine-not really hard. What would I do then! I would do exactly what I would if both were “my blood” which btw reminds me, I get a very hair standing up feeling when people say the word blood to me.. it just seems wrong. Don’t say blood. Like thaaat.

Anyway I say that’s what I would do and she says, well that’s all you, if I see something like that I would give a nice beating to the mine-not kid. I am stupefied. The reason I make these arguments and issues with her is because I think she is genuinely capable of thinking otherwise. I am not saying I want to change her, I don’t, I only want her to appraise any situation with an open mind and not go there with pre determined opinions. Go there, stay there, meet people, kids whatever and then decide for yourself is what I always say.

Another reason is I have heard mum actively defend gay rights so this adoption thing is quite amazing for me. Her vehemence. My last point always bores well. I always tell her how it’s sad that a little kid somewhere with all this love inside her and with no one to give to, I tell her how, I sort of understand what that feels like. Then she looks just sad and guilty and il wish I hadn’t said it so this time I didn’t. I just let her be. We will take it one step at a time, I say in my head.

These are the main arguments. Chinthi arguments are quite stupid and silly. For eg. The servant lady is relatively new. Every morning all the dust and allergy makes me sneeze and I sit moping with red eyes for a bit. All the sneezing my brains out gives me this horrid headache early morning and I can’t move for a while. So I have glasses and glasses of hot water and then vitamin c and then become less grumpy. So today I say- no no no chai for me, just  hot water and I wait and I wait. Servant lady is gone off somewhere. And I wait, and no water.

So I go into the kitchen and instead of just doing it myself with dignity :/ I bang the pot around for a bit making my irritation well heard. :/

She is looking at me in wonder. I bang the glass too. Steel glass, yes. And then I am waiting for it to boil because she has not repaired the microwave about which I grumble and she says “oh this water, I thought you meant water to have a bath”

Apparently heater is not working too ;so she is generously boiling a big chembu of water on the stove :/

I wonder if she is paying any attention then, I mean she is yelling at me about homeo and ayurveda for the sneezing but she doesn’t see me drink the damn water every day!

And so goes on our days. Its humid and humid. My i-20 is still “processing”- Asseholes. The fucking apt is gone. No universe for me, MK. I told you.

The allergy’s are sort of getting better but still painful. I am happy to be here, yes really. But I am already ready to head back. This has never happened for me. This wanting to leave here! Quite the odd feeling. The food has its charm still but I already feel like I have a double chin and if I lower my head a bit more I have triple chins- sister says if you lower it that much everyone will have triple chins. She has a point. 

I miss the boi here and there. Mostly when the chechi makes yummy food. So far I have had beef fry and chicken stew and idiappam and karimeen fry. Doughnuts from Annes, courtesy P.

I went out with the girls one night to this new or quite new lounge in cochin. The dry martini  was really not dry and old men with balding heads lounged in the lounge. :/  the guy poured lots of water in P’s rum and M, had a terrible looking cocktail that tasted like mouth wash which she then abandoned.

I know I am only whining but there is nothing to be happy about. This week I am to confront greebro also. Which is already giving me a headache. Though I write very confidently and happily about things that are just wrong, saying it to someone gives me the you know…dad is also trying his level best to make sure I don’t but if I don’t do this now I will have no peace of mind when I go back.

But despite all this it’s good to see her. She looks happy when I am around, or say my sister says. She looks happy with my little gifts and makes her funny comic faces if I ask more than twice. ;o

More on everything in a bit. Its three here and I just finished watching this fun Malayalam movie and tomorrow I have got to re pierce my nose- long story that. So later!