I had.
When I see in movies or T.V shows some kind of teenage issue that the teenager managed to hide from everybody, or mainly parents and siblings, I am extremely surprised. Maybe because I had an over interested and intuitive mother but I would always go: How can that be that NO ONE noticed? Impossible.
In my head I am a perfect mother. I notice, but I don't pry. I discuss but I don't judge. I am involved but not zealous.
I said in my head, didn't I? I am mostly aware how impossible this is. But anyway that's not the point.
So today I was thinking for some reason about this and I realized what a terrible sister I am. Ever since I hooked on to whatsapp, I have been avoiding calls like a demented loon. and my sister's phone is constantly either off or not working. She is also the saddest little kitten ever. She has made friends who doesn't get along well with, she hasn't met anyone interesting and she feels like the place is making her "kanji" in her words. All things that are perfectly understandable. I don't think I had the same problems because despite the horribleness college was in one way, I also made my only close friends there.
I should also admit now that with my sister, it's kind of impossible to get through, and if I were to be honest, I would have to say I got a little tired. And so I thought hai, whatsapp is there. What is the big deal if I don't call.
And then today while talking to Amma, she says, it's been more than two months since you called her. She is very busy but even then.
and I am like of course, it's not two months. But even as I say, I know it is two and more. And my sister probably gave up on me.
And then Amma says, listen when you talk to her, talk in English. She is scared she is losing language skills.
This led to the usual maddening fight with Amma who wanted my sister to be a fuckin doctor. and now look what she has made.
Anyway the point is my unreasonable, unfounded fears are alienating people from me. And I definitely need to end this.
As a starting point, I called someone day before. My friend from Symbi was getting married and he had called me thrice and I didn't pick up. And when I finally did, I was in the car with other people and I told him I would call him back which I didn't because I am a terrible sort of human. No, no jokes to make anything light!
But day before was his wedding previous night function and I called. And I said hello twice and he wouldn't believe for a second it was me. We had the nicest chat afterward. and I hung up thinking: oh my god, why didn't I call him in forever!
I don't need to be scared. People like hearing from me. People like me. At least the ones I need to call, they do. I am sure there might be moments in between when it gets quiet and no one has anything to say, but something will come up. I am sure, sure, sure.
Once it becomes a habit, everything will be ok.
I am also noticing this strange thing happening. More and more people are saying, " Oh, I just hate ph conversations." or "Oh my god, please leave me alone already. No humans." While I am sure, most of the exaggerated introvertism is some kind of new 'trend' ugh-hate this word, it is especially so more common in my writing group. Everyone is like anti people and constantly posting about how they holed in their room when their room mate had visitors or had to forego dinner because parents/bf/ friend/room mate had people over and they couldn't bring themselves to go to the kitchen.
I understand these sentiments because I have myself holed in my room for hours as my room mate had people over for dinner and even though she kindly asked me, I even more so kindly refused. One day she insisted that I come. By which I mean she fooled me.
She said, "Oh S, I am having blah blah over. They are wonderful people. Would you....?" She didn't even complete the sentence because I think I had on my horrified look and so she said, "Okay, I know your issues but these are such great people. Great great great!"
And looking at her face it was hard to say no BUT I DID. Later since they were supposed to come at seven, I sneaked up to get some chips and lemonade to take to my hiding hole but one dinner guest was already in the kitchen. And my room mate introduced us and said, "So you will join us won't you?"
See what she did? ;/ I had a good time!! And later while washing up she says, " See? You were wonderful and you had a nice time too!"
Well yea, but you fooled me! I didn't say it to her though.
So while I understand this people issue, I also think too many people are adopting it without exactly feeling it. Everyone or who is interested / understands this needs to watch this series on youtube called The Awkward Black Girl
Ok going to try this today. Going to call someone!
When I see in movies or T.V shows some kind of teenage issue that the teenager managed to hide from everybody, or mainly parents and siblings, I am extremely surprised. Maybe because I had an over interested and intuitive mother but I would always go: How can that be that NO ONE noticed? Impossible.
In my head I am a perfect mother. I notice, but I don't pry. I discuss but I don't judge. I am involved but not zealous.
I said in my head, didn't I? I am mostly aware how impossible this is. But anyway that's not the point.
So today I was thinking for some reason about this and I realized what a terrible sister I am. Ever since I hooked on to whatsapp, I have been avoiding calls like a demented loon. and my sister's phone is constantly either off or not working. She is also the saddest little kitten ever. She has made friends who doesn't get along well with, she hasn't met anyone interesting and she feels like the place is making her "kanji" in her words. All things that are perfectly understandable. I don't think I had the same problems because despite the horribleness college was in one way, I also made my only close friends there.
I should also admit now that with my sister, it's kind of impossible to get through, and if I were to be honest, I would have to say I got a little tired. And so I thought hai, whatsapp is there. What is the big deal if I don't call.
And then today while talking to Amma, she says, it's been more than two months since you called her. She is very busy but even then.
and I am like of course, it's not two months. But even as I say, I know it is two and more. And my sister probably gave up on me.
And then Amma says, listen when you talk to her, talk in English. She is scared she is losing language skills.
This led to the usual maddening fight with Amma who wanted my sister to be a fuckin doctor. and now look what she has made.
Anyway the point is my unreasonable, unfounded fears are alienating people from me. And I definitely need to end this.
As a starting point, I called someone day before. My friend from Symbi was getting married and he had called me thrice and I didn't pick up. And when I finally did, I was in the car with other people and I told him I would call him back which I didn't because I am a terrible sort of human. No, no jokes to make anything light!
But day before was his wedding previous night function and I called. And I said hello twice and he wouldn't believe for a second it was me. We had the nicest chat afterward. and I hung up thinking: oh my god, why didn't I call him in forever!
I don't need to be scared. People like hearing from me. People like me. At least the ones I need to call, they do. I am sure there might be moments in between when it gets quiet and no one has anything to say, but something will come up. I am sure, sure, sure.
Once it becomes a habit, everything will be ok.
I am also noticing this strange thing happening. More and more people are saying, " Oh, I just hate ph conversations." or "Oh my god, please leave me alone already. No humans." While I am sure, most of the exaggerated introvertism is some kind of new 'trend' ugh-hate this word, it is especially so more common in my writing group. Everyone is like anti people and constantly posting about how they holed in their room when their room mate had visitors or had to forego dinner because parents/bf/ friend/room mate had people over and they couldn't bring themselves to go to the kitchen.
I understand these sentiments because I have myself holed in my room for hours as my room mate had people over for dinner and even though she kindly asked me, I even more so kindly refused. One day she insisted that I come. By which I mean she fooled me.
She said, "Oh S, I am having blah blah over. They are wonderful people. Would you....?" She didn't even complete the sentence because I think I had on my horrified look and so she said, "Okay, I know your issues but these are such great people. Great great great!"
And looking at her face it was hard to say no BUT I DID. Later since they were supposed to come at seven, I sneaked up to get some chips and lemonade to take to my hiding hole but one dinner guest was already in the kitchen. And my room mate introduced us and said, "So you will join us won't you?"
See what she did? ;/ I had a good time!! And later while washing up she says, " See? You were wonderful and you had a nice time too!"
Well yea, but you fooled me! I didn't say it to her though.
So while I understand this people issue, I also think too many people are adopting it without exactly feeling it. Everyone or who is interested / understands this needs to watch this series on youtube called The Awkward Black Girl
Ok going to try this today. Going to call someone!
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