A girl cant be pissed now

I dont remember feeling something strong enough ever to actually keep someone else's feelings or sentiments anything at all, before mine.
till date that is.
I guess i thought that there was this concept of balance that would even everything out at some point in each persons life.
so basicaly if i was a nasty bitch to you, then you get your turn too. well, not that callously but on similair lines.
is that what karma is?

so, now am in this wonderfully horrid place where even if i am pissed off i need to take a moment,stop,ponder and then find logical reasons to back up this guys lines which have to begin with annoyed me enough to not speak to him. i guess my usual half baked way of saying things is probably not being taken in the right way and plus most of my annoyance has this way of being built up to an unimaginable proportion, for eg this one thing which i can i guess let go, i have added other things to it and am making this bitter brew which i do desperately want to throw away but am clinging on and on for some unfathomble damned reason which i think i do know, but wont say.usualy, i have a very simple solution for all this. say my goodbyes, say its not you,its absolutely me ( some lines never go out of style) and leave, here we have no such options.

Now it would all be simple if i could just go back to being the old me.
but instead. here i am, sitting and considering how he would feel if i were to say something in my usual careless, sarcasm filled way.

Does anyone even understand how painful this is.
Dont tell me your stupid stories about adjustments and its accompanying crap. i dislike insensitiveness. if you ask me to rank, here, cheating, insensitive and clingy are issues i have a problem with.
now the reason i guess it should all be ok, is that this person is by and far a nice guy. lets say his niceities are tad higher than his vices.
so maybe that is what makes it ok.

i guess i truly understand what letting go means.
not so good.