Tall claims and close calls.

so a very long hiatus is coming up, i am heading home tomorrow,and il be back in mid january,which is a long time.
and to go without writing something seems quite callous. i have so many posts drafted,unfinished..some other time i guess.
i have to go over to the office in less than half an hour and invite some people who i dislike,the only person i do want to call is my boss. anomalies in life, i mean who likes their boss now!

The sister texts me saying "i hope you are happy now" which made me wonder if she had send something earlier and i hadnt seen,so i check inbox,nothing,so i text a question mark in reply. and she goes on to say "i broke up.hope you are happy"

i wonder if that was some kind of tactic she pulled on me? you know where you first accuse whoever and then say the bad news? well.i was happy! but she isnt telling details which is making me feel very sweaty and uneasy and panicky. enough with the adjectives allready.

i am usualy very excited about going home,but not so much this time. how do i put this? i am very sad. isnt that sad? i mean there is just a month to go and am sad.
barely a month.
the thing is everyone is annoying me including immediate family, family to be.
everything. in such cases i usualy blame me. cos if everyone has to be pissing me off, then i am the common factor,that logic.
but this time,i dont think so.

do you know what my sad graph looks like? as in what you have to do to cross the highest bar on it?
well its a pretty simple system actualy. for eg. i have mental notes of what is the worst thing a person has said to me so each time you add to it,its rated against your best score so far. like if the best score is ten then your current attempt is up against ten.

i am pathetic. very.
this just goes on to prove it. but in any case.
when i was really small, my mother would say the following "how many children are born everyday..scores and scores,even mentally challenged kids..why did i have to have you" or something to this effect. initialy i would just stand around shocked wondering if i was that bad.
then i became resentful cos i know i wasnt bad at all. and well then i just went on to become someone she dint know.
that is the worst she has said. so far.
My sister once said "you have no right to lecture me, you are the biggest hypocrite i know'
of course P consoled me saying that how things said in anger shouldnt be taken seriously and more importantly i did beleive the sister.

i would love to sit around and do everyone else, sometime other time i guess.
for now this is enough, you see when am miserable i choke up every other incident in detail. so i guess the wait for the flight is going to be seeing a very mournful tear faced person.
this is just so sad. this was not how it was supposed to be.

waves for now.