These days my body and alcohol aren't exactly compatible. I get drunk easily and then I feel light for a bit and want to immediately go to bed. Which is where I am right now. I just typed write for right.
I forgot it's Onam till Achan called and wished. That is a first. Onam is so important. How did I forget? I am not doing anything. We will be at our aunt's and she sounds down herself. Erryone got issues.
I realized something. Nothing big, but something. I like doing little things for people and while it gives them joy, it makes me happier and maybe why I do it in the first place. But I don't do any of it with the expectation that I should receive anything in return. If I do that's wonderful, but mostly it's the best feeling to surprise someone or to remember someone's something be it anniversary, birthday or whatever.
Words. Words are crazy. I got no words right now. Kind of ironic, but if there is one lesson I know it is that words flung can't be taken back. The saddest, the most utterly disheartening thing as it seems right now is when someone you trust breaks your heart and it doesn't stop there, it goes on to tinge every thing in your life and soon you are questioning everything done and said. Recently I read a story where a girl discovers that her mother meant to leave her father earlier than when the mother actually left which in turn made the girl question all events, all words, all the moments between that moment of consideration and moment of action. Because suddenly then it occurred to the girl all the falsity in those years. Because everything mother did suddenly shows itself in another light.
This guy who hits on me is getting divorced. People about to get divorced make me nervous. They say and do strange things like this guy for example. He not only hits on me, he does it very half heartedly. It is kind of a fuck-I-am-getting-divorced, I need something to do. It's truly sad and I have no response to it except kind words which I see clearly not helping.
To be divorced when there is a kid to consider seems the hardest thing to do. To share and split and argue about something that was once most important for two people..
I leave you with a few beautiful lines from my friend Ruth's poem.
"We leave each other from the minute we meet,
don't we, and isn't it so strange
how we can touch other &
stay cold? How I forget to pray for you."
I forgot it's Onam till Achan called and wished. That is a first. Onam is so important. How did I forget? I am not doing anything. We will be at our aunt's and she sounds down herself. Erryone got issues.
I realized something. Nothing big, but something. I like doing little things for people and while it gives them joy, it makes me happier and maybe why I do it in the first place. But I don't do any of it with the expectation that I should receive anything in return. If I do that's wonderful, but mostly it's the best feeling to surprise someone or to remember someone's something be it anniversary, birthday or whatever.
Words. Words are crazy. I got no words right now. Kind of ironic, but if there is one lesson I know it is that words flung can't be taken back. The saddest, the most utterly disheartening thing as it seems right now is when someone you trust breaks your heart and it doesn't stop there, it goes on to tinge every thing in your life and soon you are questioning everything done and said. Recently I read a story where a girl discovers that her mother meant to leave her father earlier than when the mother actually left which in turn made the girl question all events, all words, all the moments between that moment of consideration and moment of action. Because suddenly then it occurred to the girl all the falsity in those years. Because everything mother did suddenly shows itself in another light.
This guy who hits on me is getting divorced. People about to get divorced make me nervous. They say and do strange things like this guy for example. He not only hits on me, he does it very half heartedly. It is kind of a fuck-I-am-getting-divorced, I need something to do. It's truly sad and I have no response to it except kind words which I see clearly not helping.
To be divorced when there is a kid to consider seems the hardest thing to do. To share and split and argue about something that was once most important for two people..
I leave you with a few beautiful lines from my friend Ruth's poem.
"We leave each other from the minute we meet,
don't we, and isn't it so strange
how we can touch other &
stay cold? How I forget to pray for you."
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