Blah blah yadda yadda dot dot

So for the first time the other day, i hated being in a new place, no friends, and being the wife.
Yeah its sad that i am even saying it out aloud but its what it is. i sat for hours alone in the starbucks in Border's, the good part of it being i read almost half of Chimamandas" book without having to buy it.
I spend so much time inspecting people who went in and out, staring at babies, drinking the by now cold good for nothing coffee.
and i was mad at the boi, in a way that i havent been before.
In a way that made me want to blame him for all my issues and faults and things that are lacking. He of course helped make it stronger by being busy.
i inspected so many short stories collections that i got a headache finally and i kept thinking as am standing and inspecting someone must be churning a story by the second. it made me feel little nauseated.

I envied the girls who came in together and kept laughing loudly. At the groups of people buttoned up in soft but big jackets and there was so much warmth and happiness their side and me,cold and sad.
Exaggeration? not really.

i wish i had my girl friends. Thats all i want. well, i want an admission too and to move on from this fuck all waiting period.
but most of all i want my girl friends. It was so hard picking the right one's, making sure that i dint screw it up, making sure that i did actually love them and now i am supposed to start all over again.
eet ees the unfairness.